wat a way to start my day... waking up with a smile. fantastic. maybe im overreacting to last night but hey since it's affected me in such a great way it cant be bad can it?
there was one dreadful bit of news from another quarter last night that distresses me quite a bit. i dunno who knows yet tho and its not my place to say what it is..... but its really really a sad thing. damn

but lets not get all depressed right? no good to do that.

i shld be in school today but i aint. had some NS thing to sort out in the morning - its really stupid that u hafta go down to CMPB just to tell them that you DONT hafta do NS - so i figured screw school entirely. im headin to Malaysia in a while... its kinda hot now so i'll wait a lil more. got three guys sleeping in my room coz my air con works the best. whatever :)

i must say im inordinately happy that, friends-wise, things seem to be much better than they were during the war period. does my heart no end of good. thanks to all involved for not consigning things to the grave.


And now it feels pathetic
And now I get it
What's done is done
You just leave it alone
And don't regret it
----Limp Bizkit---- = Boiler

really good song. go dl it everyone.

oh yeah.. for a nice slow number (very unlike Limp Bizkit) go dl Hold On by them. its really nice to listen to and chill out.


hmmm yesterday....
exo u GOTTA stop saying SHIT! if i dont do something dont tell ppl i do. -throws hands up in the air and stomps around for a coupla minutes swearing - by now i shld be used to it i guess :)

met exo's girl yesterday.... i take back wat i said btw. i reckon she's nice. although im dead sure she was..... yeah :) i'll tell u in private sometime.

ended up at the mandarin with the two of them... thanks mar. chermaine (hahahahaha :D ) get better! gotta get that voice back. otherwise how to sia lan ppl? :)
one weird thing - im sure the Heinikein (i SO noe i spelt that wrong) tasted different! i quite liked it actually. and normally the only one i like is Tooeys. interesting....


i miss my class!!! its really quite sad. this is the first time all year i've been absent. im one of the rare few in T3 who, up to this point, have had a clean record when it comes to being absent. so i've never felt this before on a school day. it aint fun! admittedly sleeping in was cool.. but still i miss 'em.


y'noe how habits die hard? feelings do too i reckon.
which makes me think: are feelings merely things that are force of habit? i wonder....


after last night i cannot avoid the fact that people are leaving. i am so so so sad. why does this hafta happen NOW? i mean we're gonna be splitting up for sure end of next year right? why cant they just be kind and let us stay together till then? sure some of the ppl in CJC really dont deserve to stay... but for those who DO and merely screwed up their promos, c'mon for fuck's sake give 'em a shot at the supps.

-sigh-

its really happening. it really is.


*i wonder.... i really do. maybe....?

think i'll call it a day for now. might return later. take care everyone. regardless of circumstances.



love is not a force capable of being stopped. it is merely one which is mutable.

i thank God no end for you and you. and for you especially, i'm overjoyed that you understand what i mean. smiles with u are things to be treasured.


there's something abt sharing a smile with someone special - a good friend, a parent, a sibling, a lover - which is incredible. absolutely amazing. i've had the good fortune and blessing to be able to do this with *you in particular quite a bit this year. thanks.

there's also something abt when two people find the same thing funny at the same time and seek out the other person to see if they did, and lo and behold, they did. there's nothing quite like that feeling. wldnt trade it for anything in the world. thank you very very much.


its little things like this and the accompanying revelations that make life bearable. even enjoyable amidst the gloom. thanks once more.

exo you're the other You. i love ya man. you're...... well you're you. and that's enough. money and everything aside :)

things are ok... if u count having the desperate need for $600+ a month while being in school "ok". im very touched by the offers of transport food and lodging. love ya both. but exo being sia lan to my father will NOT work :)


i'll fill ya'll in some more tomorrow. i just had to write those 2 things up top down tonight. im brimming with... joy i believe is the best word. absolute happiness.

here u go. nothing special! but u'll understand wat i mean im sure

Where are you
im feeling blue
coz u are not around
please come back quick
or i'll be sick.
and smile! hope will be found

love, peace and strength.

my life sucks.

thing is, lotsa ppl i noe right now wld reckon that my life is a whole lot better than theirs. but it aint.

ok hold up. a lil backtracking is necessary for those who aint in the know.

so today's tuesday right? alright. yesterday was monday. and yes we did get back our results. so here they are: Economics - 47 E
History - 50 D
Literature - 59 C
GP - 65 B3
Chinese - 36 E8

yeah. so there u have it. after adding the mid years it becomes C for lit D for History and E for econs. in other words still the same.

now some of you are probably wondering "what the fuck is the problem? tim being an arrogant prick again?" and that'd be an understandable thing to think - except for the fact that im being pulled outta school by my dad.

yes. pulled out of school (excuse the drama but its justified or so i feel. if u dont think so well get the fuck out of my hair. now really isnt the time) coz i failed Chinese. the fact that my Econs is below 50 doesnt help either. but for fuck's sake i MORE than made the minimum for promotion! everywhere i look - even in mighty T7 - people are falling like flies. outta every three ppl 2 seem to be having to take supplementary papers or worse still being retained without a chance of trying again. and here i am - within the top 3 for 3 outta 5 subjects, automatically promotable - and im leaving school. it strikes me as VERY WRONG that everyone else shld be reduced to begging for marks while i HAVE what is needed and am not to be allowed to continue by my fucking father.

suffice to say i am very very very depressed. i was dreading chinese... justifiably it has been seen. no matter how hard i try i can never seem to do well enough to get good marks - or even pass. and now its the end.

so... i'm not even sure if i'm going to school tomorrow. i kinda think most ppl think its all like some joke and i'll be in school next year - probably coz the idea of someone being promotable and WITHDRAWING from school just seems too ludicrous to believe. but its true ladies and gentlemen. Mrs Siva's offered to speak to my dad tomorrow (coz she cant believe it either) but i know that's highly unlikely to help. fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. i cannot believe this is happening.

what happens if i do withdraw, some have asked. quite simply: my education stops here. no more school, no poly, no LaSalle, no NAFA, no Australian unis, nothing. nada. zip. zilch. zero. end of the road buddy. abso fucking lute end of the line. helluva way to go innit? i'd start work. and i'd hafta give my dad $400 by this saturday to pay for November's rent. fucking fab aint it?

i'd like to wake up thinkin
that this is all a dream
but the fucking thing is that it aint
its exactly as it seems

whilst all arnd me people fall
like corpses in a war,
i, who actually HAVE made it
get pulled out. but wait there's more

besides being pulled out, my friends
i ALSO cease to learn.
no more school and no more books
strangely for them i yearn.

ask me how i feel, i'd say
"of course i feel fucked up!
why the fuck is my dad a motherfucking son of a bitch?
Guess its just my luck."


in other news, i'm in school right now. everyone's disappeared. leaving me with absolutely nothing to do. what a way to end (possibly) my last day eh?


fuck all this bullshit

uh huh uh HUH


:D

Bitches and gentlemen!
(recognise that anyone?)


yeah its 5. fucking 55 in the morning. what a time to blog eh?

anyway. the weekend has been absolutely RAD. went to Harry's on saturday (thats why i was online so late char!) and paul anadorai was ONCE AGAIN tearing up the guitar with his fingers. man he's good. even did my request for me! (a blues-up version of Classical Gas - damn cool). the crowd tho... the crowd.... sigh. suffice to say i told one of my friends that was there with me that they all looked like rejects from over at Embassy. and he agreed. they really did! all young and noisy.... and none of them clapped at the right times (u either clap when he does something brilliant or when the fucking song ends y'dicks. but then ppl like u wouldnt recognise brilliance if it was hitting you IN THE FACE wld u?)

yeah that was cool. sunday was too... woke up to the first msg that's brought a smile to my face in ages! nice to noe that's still possible. and hey no worries.


k i'll do more on this maybe later. oh yeah that Ailin girl from school... read her blog. im glad that despite her French heritage she still has the good sense to recognise Monty Python and other British comedies as being the best in the world :) shows she's got a good head on her shoulders. and a hot one at that too :D


good luck with results everyone! not that you'll SEE this before school (wat kinda crazy motherfucker is online at this hour anyway?) but its the though that counts innit?




things you see when u havent got an elephant gun.

keep watering down shit/
thinking you can rap with that artificial outfit/
your baggy pants and your bottle of crack hits?/
fuck all of that shit/
fuck all you poseurs/
let go of the mic kid/


the beautiful thing about blogs is that you can write ANYTHING you want in 'em.
of course the most abhorrent thing about blogs is that you can write ANYTHING you want in 'em and then people read 'em. and its easy to say "well dont give the addy to them!" but we all know there are nosy motherfuckers out there and in HERE who dont respect people's privacy. so i guess that's just something im gonna have to deal with. life's a bitch aint it?

i'd refer you to one of my entries where i've explored that last sentence (any of you remember it?) but since i dont have archives (as people have complained loudly about in the past) i'd have to send you scrolling and scrolling and scrolling just to find an entry which you probably wont think much of anyway!
maybe now i've piqued (god i LOVE that word!) your interest enough so that you'll go look for it of your own accord. Reverse psychology for you. 'Tis a beautiful thing indeed.

speaking of psychology, does anyone here ever use the term Freudian Slip? i have in the past, but its bloody irritating. everyone goes "Huh? what's that?" and then you hafta explain the whole damn term. which kinda takes the fun outta the whole thing. thats what you get for trying to make conversation INTERESTING i spose.

lets see.... im kinda feeling really DEAD. i have no desire to leave the house at all. in fact i'm quite content to sit my bi-racial ass at home the whole day and blog. (Blog period anyone? :D ) "but i aint really mad/at the Hey Hey"

what i REALLY REALLY wanna do is go to Australia. but that looks like its probably not gonna happen now coz everyone THERE is coming HERE. damn.


out of sight
and out of mind
fat ass chicks
and huge behinds
tiny dicks
and little clocks
place your head
upon the block
raise the knife
and plunge it down
i'll watch you die
without a sound



ooooo that's kinda dark aint it? :)

its funny how some people say
that i am narcississtic
can i plead in my defence
that im just optimistic?
you see if one is positive
one takes the happy view
that one is much better than,
well, better than, say, you.
its really just being hopeful you see
coz deep down we noe its fake.
YOU'RE the one who thinks you're better
Now have and eat your cake.


maybe that's a little bit of an up-yours. maybe it aint :D


sagging jeans and daggy shirts
Globe shoes and Zero decks
boxers, wheels, Destructor trucks
broken noses, bloody flecks.

and THAT is just more skate nonsense.

should i have a little reflective part here? seems to be something of a trend in recent posts that i've read. well lets see. i'd be literal and take a look in a mirror but it'd probably crack and break. and mirrors are SUCH a pain to clean up.

alright i'm rambling i can tell.
i;m slipping slowly into hell
i've got the Bizkit playing in my ear
and all my fears are drawing near.
rhymes flow straight out from my hands
while my mind flits off to distant lands
i really should come back to Earth
(or at least go back to Perth.
Boring as that city is,
its in my country, aint it Queen Liz?)

so down from the stars i drop
into the dreary world below.
a world where things dont make much sense
some suck. and others blow.
(get your mind off THAT!
that isnt what i meant!
oh hold on you weren't thinking that? my bad.
guess MY mind is bent.)
i spose it doth behove me
to once more go forth. whither
all the ones have gone before.
A ghostly hand reaches, pointing "Thither"


i was getting the willies towards the end of that.

guess that does me for now.


I came, i saw, i said "Hey nice view"

alright Friendster is FUCKED UP!
Check this out:

"Your Personal Network currently contains 77736 people.

One of the principles of Friendster is that only people in your Personal Network can see or contact you.

You can browse or search your entire Personal Network with the Gallery.

You can increase the size of your Personal Network by Inviting more friends."

i draw attention to the last sentence. why the FUCK WOULD I WANT MORE FRIENDS if i have 777 3 fucking 6 people already?!

this is BULLSHIT. i invited FIVE. yes a measly FIVE. and i get all of china suddenly.

kinda cool :D

i havent even bothered to upload a photo yet! kinda lazy to pick one. maybe i'll use something old.... maybe something new. whatever.


tired as hell.... im sposed to be headin to Harrys tonight but im whacked. sorry guys! some other time.

anw that's enough for tonight.

morning ya'll :)

woke up kinda late. 9.30! which for me is late la. slept kinda late last night... stayed up watching The Hunted. Tommy Lee Jones and Benico Del Toro. wondering who the last guy is? believe it or not he's an Academy Award winner (that means he's got an Oscar dickhead. y'noe one of those shiny golden men with a sword). yeah i didnt noe him either. but i recognised him. if that counts for anything. just think: u see him walking down the street n u run over, but then wadya say? u'd be all like Hey you're .... you're.... that... well that GUY arent u? :D he'd probably feel pretty fucked up i reckon :)


of course the down side of being up so early is that no one else is awake.

ice skating's been cancelled apparently. oh well. i'll practice my fingers off then.


i kinda miss a bunch of ppl. which is weird. but hey there is.

im wondering abt this Friendster thing. ppl in and outta school are telling me abt it... but i dunno. guess i'll give it a spin if i aint got nuttin else to do.

a wallflower? you? no way. at least i dont think so. but "Wallflowers" the BAND. now there's some good music! :D

interesting... i never thought of it, but apparently people think JY flirts with me. at least Rahul and Timo do. they say they see her flirting with me all the time. i dunno... maybe they're right maybe they're (wat's your guess for the next word? say "left" and i will STAB you) wrong. doesnt really matter anyway. hey vic, u really think she's trying to turn guys on in school? probably i guess. reckon using the initials JY is safe enough?

i feel kinda lousy after reading some stuff. was it really that much of a drag? i dunno how to say what im thinking inside (NOT, as some of you might think, coz im not THINKING). maybe if things were more normal then there woulda been more interaction etc etc and things wouldnt have been so fucking dull. God i wish things were normal. although it was always.... "tense" i believe was the word used. well not always. but most of the time. never did actually talk abt that. we had a deal remember? and then things blew up (uh HUH!). oh well.


how much do people really noe me?
God noes how much some owe me
they BEHAVE like they're my friends
but are they really? 'tis just pretend
or at least thats what i think sometimes
with some guys i noe
a little spark a little flare
and their tops begin to blow
with others its just amzing
how shallow they really are
kinda like instead of "beautiful diamond"
they just say "a star"
they really dont know one at all
and yet they THINK they do.
i'm not talking bout everyone though
wadya reckon? do i mean you?


try to figure out what that means. suffice to say that everyone who i've tried to patch things up with in the past (as in really tried. think "hell no i dont hate you") well that aint about you. im sorta reflecting what i've read.

my view of friendship in this country at least is really pretty jaded and cynical. i really HATE taggin along with "friends" coz i dunno when its gonne be considered taggin and when its not. and stuff that happened earlier (although my misdeed admittedly brought it upon myself) only reinforced that idea. but with FRIENDS, as in real friends, i noe its cool and im comfortable. coz when they want me gone they'll say so. hell i do the same to them. that aint to say that the "friends" aren't friends though. its just that i dont noe which are for real and which aren't. and the ones that i really really treasure, well, evidently can be lost really fast. which doesnt mean they weren't friends in the first place. since i reckon friends'll be lost really soona after we leave school n all it takes lots for me to commit to a friendship. but for some people from day 1 i've known i wanna be and STAY friends with you. the feeling's still there!


if the above makes any sense to you, drop me a line. coz it honestly doesnt make much sense to ME. its kinda a jumbled mess.


i think i've talked enough for now. i'll be back later.



i'm an educated virgin

its Pla-ce-bo not Place-bo. sorta like fle-xi-ble i spose. but whatever its like it is NOT place-bo.

uh huh :)


so there's no school tomorrow right? wonder what i'll do instead. i must say i've kinda enjoyed being back to semi-normal school. oh well. apparently ppl are ice skating tomorrow. so there's that to think about. btw everyone if u havent skated.... lets just say the ice is wet. so bring extra clothes coz u WILL fall :D

i only got between 60 and 70 for GP. Mrs siva's kiiiiiinda disappointed i can tell. she said 5 times (i counted!) that "you didnt get an A!! (audible exclamation marks)" . im not even the highest. congrats to Rebecca and all, but i'd be lying if i didnt say im really really really jealous. and kinda fucked up too. God noes i was hoping for that damn GP prize. and now i dont even have an A grade. let alone the top mark.

ya'll probably think "same old arrogant prick". well try to think about it from my PoV. its my only really good subject. N i've kinda gotten used to doing well at it. damn.


onto happier things......

happier things. right.

k maybe thats a slight lie.
i must say if I do go skating tomorrow it'd be kinda cool. havent been in so long. plus i gather lotsa ppl in class have never skated before. which is always very very VERY fun for anyone who has :) (or maybe -evil grin-)

civil, social, economic, military and PSYCHOLOGICAL. dammit i couldn't fucking remember that last one. damn damn damn. oh well its good that the crowd was supportive. i think they kinda found it ironic that a non-NS server was answering though. cool :)


i hope ppl dont think im ignoring others again. spose it must look like that some of the time. funny how things turn out though. like i thought the table i was at was for everyone. turns out it wasnt! and so on and so on. oh well.


project work today: yet again was a farce. only me and one other member AS USUAL. this time it was Clara. figures.


time to end this before i ramble on and on and on. there's stuff i'd like to say but it'd just sound too weird. so gnite world.


We all do what we must.

man i ache. and im tired. and im kinda mixed up inside. the fact that im tired is a large contributing factor to that last one.


here's something i thought of today:

trucks and risers, wheels and bearings
grip tape and Zero decks.
ollying high, grinding the kerb
sprained wrists and broken necks.


nice bit of skate stuff there. im hoping aaron can find me a deck or two in Thailand. heard stuff there is much wider in variety AND much cheaper. cool!

baby steps. even if that bit wasnt for me or related to me in any way, it still sounds like a good idea to me.


i've realised what i've been hoping for really isnt possible. its ludicrous to expect everyone to suddenly expunge all feelings of angst and upset in such a short time. i spose i should be thankful things are even the way they are now! slowly slowly slowly does it. and hell who knows what'll happen.


first aid ended today. i must say it was pretty interesting. not nearly as boring as i had feared. talking to Clara in the first half of the day was kinda cool too. she's really pretty smart. pity she hasnt mixed with the class much. but then these days who am i to talk? although hopefully that'll change...... :)


*i hope it stayed tucked into the handle bit of your bag. wasnt sure if it'd blow away.

**you. UUUUUU :) but yeah we'll see how long this peace period lasts alright? :D thanks for..... well nothing really :) but yeah u noe what i mean. or do you? whatever!

who noes what's happening tomorrow? some say this, some say that. most ppl dont really have any solid idea.


confusion roams the hearts
of the people in my school
the fear of test results
makes people lose their cool.
before you write them off
as kids as dumb as ants
think about it:
if you were getting back results
you'd be pissing in your pants!


frankly speaking i sorta want them back tomorrow. good or bad they're already marked. may as well find out. but then of course there's that other niggly (cool word!) bit that whines and wants to hide away from reality. doncha just noe.


went for volleyball today... kiiiiiiiiinda weird. since things aren't completely normal. but yeah there it is. i really really sucked big time today. cant remember playing so badly since i started. and i gather fiona at least was getting pissed off. so sorry! it wasnt intentional. thats all i can say in mitigation.


i think its time to end this thing
and head off straight to bed
i'd love to stay up more and talk
but if i do my head
will certainly drop off from my neck
and roll round on the floor
roll and roll and roll it shall
straight out through my door.
that would be most dreadful right?
so off to bed i go.
dont want to be on the floor
looking at my headless shoulders screaming "NO!"


and on that note reminiscent of first aid i leave you. keep the peace and stay true to at least one ideal. you'll be alright.


My resolution and my hands I'll trust.

i am the egg man
they are the egg man
i am the walrus!
coo coo ca choo.


can anyone believe that was originally a BEATLES song?

well i spose they were on dope half the time. explains a lot :)


interesting day. the first aid thing was kinda cool!

spoke to Jacq frm T7 for like AGES. god she's good to talk to. kinda interesting... and she doesnt have the typical girly hang ups. like she's willing to talk frankly without going overboard into dirty talk. which may sound weird coming frm me (yeah i noe some of u totally think i'd dig a dirty-talking girl but i ACTUALLY dont!) but yeah that was fun.


chewed the cud a little with Ben Chia. man there is some shit out there that is just BITCHIN! really really sweet. like ollying FIFTY STEPS! no less. one day maybe.

who am i kidding?!!!!!!! FIFTY STEPS?! no fucking way!


i gotta get a finger board. makes it much easier to demonstrate tricks.

also i cant really do anything on a REAL board (aside frm ollie 2 cm off the ground :D)


coming and going
like the ebbing of tides
creeping and crawling
i dwell softly inside
ripping and tearing
i speed thru your brain
cursing and swearing
your will i shall drain
u may be wondering
just who i am
its really quite simple
im the evil inner man



ya'll take care of yourselves!



all that is gold does not glitter

im tired and its almost 11.


watever!!!!!!



had a great day... skated around Dhoby Ghaut. then came home n went out to play pool with aaron n jack. man i suck so bad. but there was this REAL sweet looking girl..... dammit!! attached. but she had the cutest giggle...... and a REAL fine ass :D



kinda lackin in energy today to blog real long. so that's it for now.

dammit heard the first aid thing tomorrow goes till FIVE. wtH.



bye-de-bye!!



what goes around comes around.

fuck i feel like im in a goddamn sci-fi movie. "first contact" and all that.

wondering what i mean? go screw yourself.

not exactly in a happy mood. but not exactly sad either. its hard to qualify. things are obviously gonna be different... but just how different remains to be seen.

ice skating's pretty cool! (in more ways than one). hope if you lot go u have fun. its pretty much like rollerblading.... if that helps any :)


i've lost that, that's for sure. no way thats coming back/happening again.


heading down to Dhoby Ghaut to skate later..... havent tried the area near the MRT yet. shld be fun! hope i dont break anything tho.... a lil nervous abt that :)


guess who's back
back again
shady's back
tell a friend
guess who's back/guess who's back/guess who's back.....
i've created a monster/
coz nobody wants to be friends no more
they want war/and chopped liver
well if u want war/this's wat i'll give ya
a lil bitta hate/mixed with some hard liquor


dunno wat im doing there.

i've been told the issue is no longer centralised any more. now everyone's pissed for different reasons! or was. whatever. how dandy is that.

++i wonder if you cringed?

_____________________________

im sorta guessing that everything's held to be my fault. cant say whether i disagree or not.

dum da dum.

names in bold
are names i hold
to be not something nice
but then again
sometimes they're friends
the friendship's just on ice.

other times of course
i've been quite coarse
in bold or caps i curse
do you care too?
i swear. dont you?
and cmon it could be worse.


initial forays began today. i'd like to just forget everything for a while so yeah i'll leave it at that. suffice to say i have small glimmers of hope overshadowed by large doses of reality. to be melodramatic :)

actually they began last night! almost forgot


funny. just the word "heyyy" made me feel a whole lot better. a whole lot more trepidation too. refer to ++ :D


cringeing and whingeing
i head off to bed
creep off to sleeping
i go rest my head.
dreaming and feeling
all nervous inside
emotions are swarming
how then shall i hide?

shall i creep away
and hide in the night?
or stand bold in the day
inside full of fright?
whence will i go
ere all this is done?
behold, this is woe:
im not having FUN


whatever :)

toodle-oo ya'll.


damn i feel like ice-skating now :) havent been in quite a while.

FUCK FUCK FUCK! i'd already clicked Post for this entry... then while it was posting i checked out someone else's blog. results come out on WEDNESDAY?!!! what the holy flying FUCK (yeah stole that one) is THAT ABOUT?! i dont want them on wednesday! at least give us a fucking week to chill man! im still reeling from the NE test. well thats a lie :) but yeah dammit. thats kinda scary. anw.


float like a butterfly, sting like a bee

man..... anyone heard abt this whole mahatir vs. Jews thing? he's being an absolute bastard. kinda freaky if Malaysia's taking an openly anti-Semitic stance. it does not bode well for the future of the region and the world.... anti Jew sentiments soon lead to anti-Christian sentiments... which encompasses most of the Western world. and the high level of Jewish involvement in the workings of state and economy in the US means that it can be quite realistically expected to hear strongly anti-America statements soon from Malaysia. Malaysia of all countries! they've always struck me as the poor little whiners... but too cowardly to actually say anything that could get them into trouble. and now this.

for those who havent heard yet, Mahatir said something like "the europeans killed [some big number] of Jews in the past, and now the Jews rule the world by proxy. they get others to fight their wars for them" etc etc.

first off, fuck everything i've said to the contrary in previous entries. i WANT things to be healed. i've been a dumb ass avoiding everyone this week. well sorta. coz while that's been dumb, its also given everyone space and and time off and stuff. n if i've been as big a bastard as everyone seems to be saying then time off is what ya'll need i reckon. but i want it to END. so if u receive some lame plea from me (inadvertent rhyme there) then u understand whats going on.

if u dont receive any, pls dont read anything into it unless u are astute enough. some of you wont hear anything coz im hoping things are fine. stress on some. read that however u want.

xiaohui if ur in here: that unnecessary-trip conversation today has made me think a lot. and while what i said abt the whole thing and everyone still stands, this is enough. thanks for listening! and skate on yeah :) checked out heaps of decks today but i didnt find any.... but there ARE Zero decks at Far East. wicked!


there's this really cool strip by Scott Adams involving Dilbert, the horny-haired boss and an Etch-a-Sketch. anyone read it? fucking hilarious :)


my fourth good movie in four days! fucking amazing! as i told mandy and aaron today i normally dont watch that many good movies in a month! so anw. watched Matchstick Men today. god its fantastic. there were enough seperate bits of humour, twists and suspense to make it good. hell there's one scene in a car park which had me more tense than any scene i can remember! lessee.... in order of merit: Underworld and Matchstick Men tie for first, and The Rundown and Buffalo Soldiers tie for third. i mean they were all damn good la. the Rundown especially was a surprise.


wat the FUCK is this "we" shit all about? gimme a goddamn break.

ppl outside of CJC arent sposed to be in here. general reminder to the populace.

completely wrong? i see some people are not alone in having the gifting for glossing over things.


but i think i see what u've been driving at. i'd hafta ask u to be sure though. what all this absolute bullshit about letting go is i have no idea though. especially if its what i think it is. because you're the one thats been constantly telling me that u understand and know. and then this. oh well. fits in with all the hypocrisy thats going around. i spose u have a vested interest in this issue too doncha.


i've said it before and i'll say it again: if u dont like what u read here then for goodness sake stay OUT. doesnt that make SENSE?



seems like i cant say ANYTHING any more. whats with that?!


anyway. its funny. mrs siva didnt even bat an eye when ppl confessed to expecting to not make it to next year. was kinda weird to hear it voiced aloud. by people other than me that is.
and i was told while on the bus away frm school that u lot did maintenence after the exam. well sorry i wasnt there. i'd say why didnt ya'll lemme noe but i brought THAT upon myself didnt i.


checked out heaps of skateboards and parts today. far east, tampines, peninsula shopping centre.... it was way cool :) i wanna get a finger board too. ended up skating around a while... my balance is getting better n all. gotta consistently ollie though.

i heard a number of ppl wanna skate/are already skating! xiaohui u do.... cindy u wanna learn too? and mar? and rong skates? (i dunno how she's being mentioned here - well actually i do i pressed the buttons on the keyboard - but hey she was mentioned) seems like a whole lotta ppl skate or want to learn.

*i wonder, wld that be the person one is supposedly affecting?


how interesting. seems im not alone in my desire to inflict pain on someone. it kills me that its someone i woulda thought was close too. thanks and props to you man. helps to noe that im not just being unfair. and im guessing ur not exactly alone in your feelings.

ill slice u
and dice u
until u drop dead
i'll hit u
u shit, u
and cut off your head
a game?
thats lame
this here is called HATE
not words either
or verbs neither
dont plea. its too late.


another interesting thing: i've just been given a whole different spin on something. maybe there's been a perpetrator! how amusing and low :)


i'll be back later maybe.


i hope i can make it up to everyone involved somehow. lemme try? if i can work up the guts that is.


mustnt be too wussy tho. so FUCK ALL OF YOU! :) just messing wit ya.



she teaches the torches to burn brighter

before i start on this following segment, i could be wrong abt how i've interpreted it. but i doubt it. anyhow:

it amuses me that you pretend to be so sure of yourself and yet are insisting that i let go. (btw drop the faggy names la ok? whether or not this is abt me, u just shouldnt! its not right. :D ) anw. i fail to see how its your problem if im pathetic. that one really gets me. also.... if you havent got the message by now that at least some of the problem lies with me, and ALSO that it'll be me that has to be responsible to get things right, then i cant do anything more. my actions are affecting a whole lotta people? oh i'm sorry... how about the next time everyone decides to bitch about me and then get pissed (im not saying without merit mind you) you lot ask how im being affected, and then in future i'll live MY life in such a way so as not to affect you. sound about fair? point is: one cant live to always not affect others. first off, its impossible. and secondly, if one tries to live like that, well one fails to live. so if i've affected you well, i'd say im sorry but im not. i cant see how you'd have been adversely affected anw. all i've done is not talk to ya'll! not like i shot you or anything. there's a thin line between subtlety and attempting to disguise something. anw wats with "diguise" anw? wat exactly are you driving at? how abt YOU drop the subtlety why doncha. and my actions are s'posed to be geared in such a way that my message only goes out to the one intended. THAT'S my use for subtlety. but hey if it aint working, too damn bad. it kills me that YOU'RE the one rapping my knuckles abt subterfuge when its you that's posted the message. cant you see how that's just a little contradictory? i daresay even ironic? final note: i dunno why you're giving a damn in the first place. i cant see how any of this is your problem. u never want prying.... how about trying a little practicing what you preach eh? and "audience"..... bad choice of word there. in no way is anything im doing an attempt to pander to a crowd.

i trust that you (meaning the above :D) know that im not pissed. i also trust that you're talking abt what has been termed the "war". coz you've said u understand and believe me abt the other issue.everyone else seems to have difficulty sometimes telling whether i'm pissed or not. which is funny.... coz half of 'em have said they dont care anw.

all im doing as far as i can tell is avoiding contact. for the very dumb reason that im scared to do it. but a non-evil reason nonetheless. how is that any worse than when someone just doesnt wanna talk? since when do you people need me anyhow?

funny.... half of you are going to be pissed or whatever coz of the way my entry sounds. and yet that half of you write worse stuff in yours.

what makes it even better is that probably a whole lot of ppl are going to read this and then have a group discussion on it. or equally as possible (and capable of happening concurrently to the above event) is that the msg to which i havent received a reply will be shown around tonight or tomorrow and you lot will have yet another session.

yeah well... walk away from having read the above any way you want. its your life.


moving along..... :) you get that sherilyn? :D


check this out. i thought of it at some stage today. kinda along the lines of that Irish comedian thing mar sent me once. anyway:
"You're so full of yourself." "Well damn right i am. what are YOU full of? someone else?"

hey it makes sense! :D


The Rundown is a surprisingly good movie! three good movies in three days.... im on a roll! anw... the Rock's a pretty talented guy. but some of the stuff in the movie is preetty damn unbelievable. you'll understand if you watch it. plus there really are some pretty funny bits in it. "A little thunder..... a little lightning" :D you'll noe what i mean when u watch it.


When your father had your mother
your mother had your brother
its just too bad
your father's mad
your mother's
now your lover


(anyone get that?)


lessee....... MCQ wasnt fantastic.. but wasnt horrible either. Data response was ok too... nothing more than i expected which is good. i shoulda studied Money tho... probably lost 4 marks. it does help, though, if when trying to study one's notes ARE NOT IN SCHOOL :) yeah.

i was almost gonna do it today! almost...... but i didnt. dumb dumb me.


leaving the house later is good. lets me wake up later and take more time getting ready. pity its gonna be back to normal from next tuesday onwards.


Promos are as good as over. i mean, jokes about studying for NE tomorrow and everything aside, they really are. for better or for worse. i must say these have been THE most harrowing examinations i've ever had in my life. and it hasnt been solely because of studying and assorted stress. pity all that shit had to happen at this time. pity it had to happen at all really.


ppl are still at the using-timmy-to-leave-msgs thing. cmon wld i really leave "rugby" on chermaine's blog? no offence to the sport tho. i just aint a rugger.


one good thing is that i've drawn closer to ppl outside of school.... talking to them n going out n stuff. so mandy, paul, aaron, ben, josh, jessy and the rest... thanks. although i dunno how many of you are in here. half of you think blogging's gay anw :D


what should the first step be? i dunno... i might have left the whole thing too late. but i thought it might be good to leave a little breathing room... and nothing happened Monday morning so i left it at that. it wasnt me that wanted a face-to-face anw. so i figured i'd wait for someone else to make a move.


what right do you have to say whether i've let it go or not? what INFORMATION for that matter do you have to back up such a statement? none right? i thought as much. this's for the whole lotta you who keep telling me to: just back off for a while alright? just like other ppl i need solitude and stuff. so ease up a lil.


i'll leave you on that bright and cheery note.


Wasting your time, as usual?

im lost.
yesterday i was falsely secure in my happiness... today i've fessed up to myself that all i really want is to have 'em back.

spose it was sitting in fronta cindy today and not speaking to her at all that did it. well its my fault largely so i spose if anything's gonna change its gonna hafta be me. whatever.


ambiguity still irks me. dunno whats going on. never have anyway so some of you'd say why should i care now? well if it was for me i know i aint writing a fucking book. and if it wasnt then im sorry for assuming. same goes for the "victim" thing. whatever thats all about.

anw ya'll have fun tomorrow.


im extremely fucking angry but without a target. and this whole thing is just an absolute crock of shit. whole thing drives me up the goddamn motherfucking wall.


thats all. oh yeah prac crit was kinda fun. the prose extract in particular piqued (great word huh) my interest.


be interesting to see how everything plays out. lives, studies, friendships etc etc ad infinitum.

oh yeah, if stuff in my blog dont please you, minor suggestion: stay the fuck out? this isnt for anyone in particular (at least not at this point). its just for those who couldnt think that up for themselves.


Buffalo soldiers is a great movie! really kinda weird tho.


when you prick my hand, does it not bleed?

life is great!

i've really really really enjoyed myself the past coupla days.

*the absence of you cuts like a bleeding knife tho. hmmm. strange.

but yeah its been fun hanging out with exo n aaron n mandy and paul... even if i only met the last two for a while today. DAMMIT why'd you break your board u dumb ass?!! stopped me from skating.

but i saw a KICK ASS video today.... borrowed it frm aaron. "sorry!" by FLIP. ring any bells?

didnt think so :)

anyhow some of the stuff in there is INCREDIBLE. those guys are INHUMAN. maybe some day. but there's a guy ollying THIRTY STEPS in there. thats fucking crazy im telling you.


I WANNA SKATE SO BAD. gotta buy a board. went round far east checking out prices..... grip tape is $15?!!!!!!! wth.


life's pretty dandy. if i make myself forget abt other things.

recurring memory: u sleeping on my shoulder in Lido. the fact that u were comfortable enough to do that while knowing i blah blah blah and u not feeling anything in return and yet still not minding (am i making sense?) to me says something abt the strength of the friendship. which of course now is weaker than a baby. but thats not the point. and yeah this's been leaping into my mind with almost disturbing regularity.


nothing like that for you other two. dont read anything into that though.


not cringeing DOES NOT EQUAL replying. how amusing :) wat do i mean exactly? i dunno!!

Underworld is a damn Damn DAMN good movie. thoroughly enjoyed myself. and Kate's gorgeous. as a friend of mine says, "I'd give my right nut to have her!"


I'd hit that! (ya'll get that? probably not. i wanna get a shirt that says that. be cool :D )


nursery rhymes huh.

Old macdonald had a farm
oh damn! Fucked up! NO!
and on that farm he had a horse
watch out here's exo!
we all noe he will fuck that horse
fuck that horse, fuck that horse,
fuck it fuck it fuck... it
old macdonald HAD a horse
now he has a foal!



bloody hell. even i dunno what's that all abt.


bah bah black sheep
have you any weed?
yes sir yes sir
kneel and plead.
"please mister black sheep
Hit me with some grass"
"But sir if you take mary-jane
You'll end up bein' an arse"


??????? dont ask!!


Twinkle twinkle little star
how i wonder what you are.
how'd u get above my head?
does it mean that i am dead?
twinkle twinkle little star
"PUT THAT WEED BACK IN THAT JAR!"


hahahahahahahaa :)


rock-a-bye baby
smoking that joint
di-ges-ting a pound
but what is the point?
when it's all done
your brain will be fried
who knows? come to-mo-rrow
you may have died.



ta-da :D

i'll catch ya'll later or something.


nothing is ever easy

Think what you want
and say what you will
Drink of your hate
Til you've had your fill
You'll find, however
It doth creep in your heart
Fills the cracks of your being
And your mind tear apart.
__________________________

I hate you so bad
So much that it hurts
You think that I'm mad
And maybe i am
But i find myself
Hating you. "Wham"
it hits me.
And yet i know i love you.
Words spoken in anger
Don't mean anything really.
They're just words
Which i shouldn't say
Things i regret
with each passing day
Who knows what im saying any more?
And you. I hope its the same
I hope we were friends
At least way back then
And if this thing ends,
If my hope is true
I'll be ok, coz i
WAS friends with you.
_________________________________

You go in, heart pounding,
"Damn, its cold!"
You tell yourself, distracting
From the fact your mind's mold.
You look at the question:
"Fuck man im screwed"
Why'd you watch TV yesterday?
Now you'll never prove
How good you REALLY are
Coz you'll be out next year
No way you'll be a star
So your mind is full of fear
So much that you forget all.
Not one thing is left
Your mind's a damn blank
Succumbed to fear's theft.

so AFTERWARDS,
you know what to do.
You climb to the 10th floor.
Toodle-doo.
______________________________

you made time fly
you made me burn
you filled my eyes
you made me yearn
you're at once beautiful
and impish little girl
your replies are never dutiful
with you my head's a-whirl
you'll never really know
just how i really feel
just noe that the friendship
was real.


i'm not gonna cheapen stuff with explanations. it'll make sense to some.

I've passed history paper 1. shoulda been an A or B. JY said to make sure i got a good grade for paper 2 so i'd still get a high grade overall. so thats fantastic! it saddens me that i cant (well sort...) share it with you lot though.

this morning was..... well..... weird. yeah whatever. victor u noe what happened la :)

realised that its not the WHOLE class. rather its just a handful. still.....

gonna skate tomorrow. borrowing exo's board. shld be fun! wanna go street skating tho..... ollie off cars :)

i wish things were the way they were before. esp miss talking to you in particular. maybe i should try.............. we'll see (always best to keep ya'll in suspense)

i'll see u lot later. probably re-open my scabs on my ankles tomorrow :)

screw china's attempt to get to space! just irks me for some reason. its so weird. im watching the news and they're talking to some guy in China and they're all proud abt joining the ranks of the space-worthy and behind him is, get this, A MACDONALDS. that just kills me. america dominates everywhere....... even the countries that are trying to compete with her. good on the US. love 'em almost as much as australia. actually..... nah :) but still they're great.


which reminds me: GO WALLABIES.


Tinuviel!

so, skip to your lou while i do what i do best
you aint even impressed
no more. you're used to it
flows too wet
nobody close to it
when i say it everybody knows the shit
the most hated on
outta all that say they get hated on
in 80 songs
and exaggerate it
all so much. they make it up
there's no such thing
like a female with good looks
who cooks and cleans........


and that's all i can remember of that :) good nick btw. thanks, coz it triggered off the song in my mind. damn its good! is it Business? cant remember whether it is or not. just remember that its mr Marshall himself.


not many blog updates so far. so i dunno where things stand right now. but Cindy: thanks a lot. and you study hard too yeah? weirdly enough i've still been praying for u and everyone throughout all this. so be calm and stay cool.

i remember the absolute weirdest things when i think abt ya'll. you: hitting your foot and u not even waking up. you: walking from Far East arm in arm :). you: the wussy way you punch. and the way you laugh afterwards. you: of course, the conversation. and the smile. you: the walk! what can i say? you: that weird way you punch a volleyball. 'nuff said :). you: skipping arnd the track! like WTH?! :) you: your english. or mispronunciation of some parts of it :) you: that way you look at me sometimes. gives me the willies. you again: that punch! ouch. felt damn fucking bad. but hey :) more memories for some of you than others. more memories about one than anyone else this year. but love for all of ya.

not to say that this whole thing doesnt bother me any more. on the contrary, it does a lot. but im hoping eventually we'll at least be comfortable in the same classroom.

good luck all of you.


the recent spate of anonymous taggers has me riled. thanks victor for having faith in me. funny that the only ones who DONT believe me are the ones who i would have expected to more than you. that's prior to all this tho. and darryl, thanks to you also for believing that the "timmy" that's told you to fuck off isnt me. while i can understand and even empathise to an extent with the attraction of expressing yourself namelessly, its just completely fucked up when you use someone ELSE'S name. so if you're in here too, just die alright? you aint even worth swearing at.

exodus: no worries using my tag board. and thanks for explaining what happened. probably chermaine STILL doesnt believe me. but at least the truth's there for those who are interested. no hard feelings though. you're entitled to your disbelief.


darryl, get this:

True as toasted toads :)

juxtaposition = a damn beautiful word. but then you've always impressed me.
dont think i ever told you that did i?

and yeah ours was fucking complicated. but hey im glad you didnt cut off communications. i've learnt from you more than i've learnt from anyone else in class.

uh huh this entry's pretty much dedicated to u. i figure chermy's already had one aight :)

what can i say? arrogance fucked things up first term. then things got better. and now its fucked things up for the final time.

but hey in all honesty thanks for the goddamn memories man! you are an absolutely amazing person.

IF that bit abt apologies was in any way connected to me, then im confused. i cant see how u shld be apologising at all!


yeah it was virtually impossible. but hey when we DID make it work it was one of the most amazing friendships i've ever had. so to me it was WORTH staying up til 3 am assuring u that i didnt hate u (that wasnt that long ago... whats happened since?) i'd do it all again in an instant.

solitude is wat u want and i understand that. im praying for u and indeed for everyone every day. hey, even if i dont make it to next year u lot will eh? and hey any time u need anything printed, or a plastic bag or whatever, im your man/ang moh/fag/girly guy. whatever. im here... arrrogance and all :) but im working on that.

so in signing off, thanks for everything. even the blocking off episode was hilarious in the end. and just think, our last good conversation (well to me at least) involved it. so it was all good. and that's how i'll remember all this. as one long blissful friendship. even if that wasnt quite what it was. cheers and God bless

and the war continues.

props and thanks to victor. means a lot to me. btw i have got a story to tell you. you'll hate it but you'll probably laugh too la :)


more, chermaine? alright here goes:
- I said its your fault? ok there's no point arguing. if i did, what i meant was tt i didnt see why you hadnt told her that i wasnt pissed at her any more. but evidently that was just a drop in this ocean of anger i'm drowning under here. so forget that whole thing.

- yup i noe u asked exo. i suggest YOU ask him again. anw frm what he's told me he said that my ang moh friend sent it rite? so either way it wasnt me. isnt that clear enough already? think abt it. i may bitch, but i've never actually said Bitch to any of the girls in T3 in anger before. and of all ppl i wldnt have started with you. sorry abt that whole thing though.

- if you really think its a trick of mine on victor's blog well i DONT GIVE A FUCK. (damn right im swearing. this issue in particular is pissing me off) im hoping victor noes its not me. but hey my conscience is clear and ppl always say thats what matters. so you go ahead and believe what you like.

- yup. u have tried to tell me whenever things are wrong. aside from the one incident i can think of off the top of my head. and thanks for that.

- damn straight we've had lotsa fun together :) more than enough. which is why if this friendship ends here, which to all intents and purposes it seems to be, so be it. i cant and wont ask for more. unless you want to be friends...?

god that was pathetic. but hey there it is.

the only thing i can think of that is good about this whole mess is that IF we still are friends after this ("we" meaning all - except for the ones who are completely lost to me) like chermaine said, im glad it got out. coz in the long run it really does help a whole lot.

oh yeah and chermaine: "& if thr's anythg ever that i did wrong.
i apologise." - as far as i can see, stuff that's already been sorted out aside, there's never been anything you've done wrong. so no apology necessary whatsoever.

**it feels so weird to see you online and yet not click on you to chat. i miss that so much. tempting to try! but hey at least now u dont cringe when you see me online. so u say. to think all this time u cringed. or was that just anger talking? i can only hope that some of the times u were alright. coz we had some good conversations.

looking back on the past few entries, it was only last Monday i was putting chermaine's name in BOLD just to make her laugh n stuff. and now things are like this. whatever i did and whatever else that's happened, life is an absolute fucking hell-hole sometimes.

one thing: chermaine i noticed u didnt mention back stabbing any more? why's that? something i said?

but hey whatever right? at this point in time i'd dearly love to just put everything behind us all. while that's impossible, some form of trade-off would be great too.

so God bless, everyone.

guess i'll see you lot and be ignored by ya'll on monday then eh? :)


and a fitting quote:

I wonder if it will be my friend?

first off: darryl, i love you man. glad i got you to proof read this post. and thanks for making me see that my earlier actions were only gonna perpetuate this madness. thanks for keepin tryin to persuade me. other ppl woulda given up. i thank Him for you.
of course this is also complete flattery... considering you're reading this while im talking to u. but hey its all good :)

chermaine u absolutely crack me up.
"Welcome to the real world" huh. and what would YOU know about it? try living in it on your own for a day or two.
and "stop trying to salvage the situation" : evidently you cant read. didnt i say nice and explicitly (just for ppl like you - obviously its not enough) that i WASN'T trying to?
at least not with you.
damn right i hear you. what's it to you?
cos i didnt do any goddamn thing
to deserve all yer shit. - in case you didnt notice, i didnt SAY u did! i asked you why, and i told you that i thought you'd made things worse. i didnt SAY you did anything. and by the way, easy on the swearing eh :)

and please, you should noe by now that i'd tell it straight to your face if i was pissed at you at all. if you really think i've been leaving the tags on yours AND cindy's AND victor's (on victor's i've actually RESPONDED havent you noticed? or are you just choosing to ignore that like so much else?) then obviously nothing i can say will change your mind anyway. but for everyone else, cmon i have slightly more of a life than to do that. slightly.

i never did call u bitch actually. i HAVE already told you this. but hey if you aint gonna believe me well then thats your problem isnt it? i DID see exo send the msg. and this line: "or u were "too tired" that u dont rem?" just makes absolutely no sense dear. i told you MYSELF that i didnt send it. so for crying out loud OBVIOUSLY i remembered right? c'mon.

"how do u expect us to belif u after all the backstabbing uve done?" i pose the same question straight back at you chermaine. one person in particular would quite possibly be interested in what you've had to say in the past i suspect. think "worm" if you've conveniently forgotten about the fact that you're not innocent either. why dont you take the day to reflect along with me? if you think about it, you're one of the ones i've never said anything bad about... i loved ya y'noe. ur damn fun to be around. but hey its all good.

WTF as to getting pissed with mar for ten minutes? hey it aint my problem if it takes you longer than that to get a grip on your emotions. but thats all it took for ME to realise i was being stupid getting angry. deal with it if you cant do the same.

one thing. i absolutely agree with you about the arrogance thing. but im not supposed to apologise any more coz you "dont fuckin appreciate that." so suffice to say that im gonna rein it in AGAIN. i let it slip real bad. that i noe.

"do ya noe ur "obeservings" & "predictions"
are fucking hurting?" it seems mar's told you about them. or you heard it from other sources. either way, you werent meant to hear them. sure i shouldnt have said it in the first place i noe. but my intention was never to hurt any of you. do you lot realise that all this is hurting me real bad too? admittedly i brought some of it upon myself. but i dont noe how on earth its gotten this far. whatever the cause is, it hurts really really really badly. like i've said, i dont hate any of you. all i want is for things to be back to how they were, and a chance for me to NOT be an arrogant prick any more so that things stay nice.

but there've always been problems it seems. arrogance or otherwise.

strangely enough i dont think i'll "top the whole bloody school". i just think i CAN. and the possibility excites me. that excitement comes out as arrogance. and this's the result. like i said, it wont happen again. but then that doesnt really matter anw coz i only was arrogant to my friends and we arent that any more are we? so you've got things made really. even if i continue being arrogant, you'll remain unaffected. so you're happy whatever happens. very smooth.

who noes what's gonna happen? charine tells me things'll get better. i dont see how they can. cindy: i'd really love to make it up to you somehow. yeah.... i really would. i dunno abt the others. seems they're just too pissed.

just so everything's nice and clear, here're the people i've bitched abt from T3 (Mustnt go outside of the class or this post'll never end :D). Mar, fiona, victor, daniel, phoebe, terence, ren jun, clara. if you're surprised that you're not there cindy and chermaine, well i dunno. i've always tried to be nice to you two. not that i place you any higher or lower than everyone else. just that that's the way things have turned out. one of you in particular: think about this: outta that list, you've bitched about five of them, and one of those five you basically arent even friends with any more. so maybe you should ease up a little on the accusations with backstabbing. your hands are blood stained too. keep up the anti-arrogance tho. i need it.

i think that just about does it for today. study's fine.

perceptive ones amongst you will notice that i didnt swear once myself there. only swear words are, ironically, lifted from the blogs of the very ones who are telling me NOT to swear. somewhat representative of some of the stuff thats going down right now.

replay last night.
talking it out dont make it right.

Charine: i noe u said there's no need to edit this, but i wanna publicly thank you. its really heartening (never thought i'd actually USE that word) to noe that you're still with me even tho i've been a dick. plus u've made me see HOW i've been one. which helps to prevent future cases. so thank you a million times babe. i really really really appreciate you more than i can ever say. love ya

First off, i have to say: Cindy, strangely enough you have brightened up my day. sincerely i want to thank you, even if its only for being straight up with me (even if it IS kinda public! but hey i deserve that) its just nice of you to tell me what it is i've been doing wrong without being overly harsh. so yeah thanks for that a lot. even though its fucking weird to say thanks for something like that. it really is.


Kelsey huh? wonder where THAT came from. of all ppl i never would have expected a total turn-away and cut off from you. i suppose its been coming for a long time though. seems like things were too strong for that. to be honest it breaks my goddam heart. i thought things got sorted out so many times? it WAS only yesterday that we seemed to be communicatin like normal fairly friendly ppl. and then there's this. thing is i cant have pissed u off directly coz i didnt even talk to u yesterday. so it must be feeding off other ppl. which STILL makes it my fault.
thing is the above paragraph wont change anything. we'll never be friends again. you're the only one im absolutely sure of. there's just no way i can see that we could be. seems u despise me too much. and for all i know that despisal is quite possibly merited. so cheers.


dumbest part is i miss every one of you so bad. i've had so much fun the last coupla days... and there's been so much going on. and i dont even noe how ya'll did for your exams! i dont see how we can stay friends of any sort after this whole fracas (cool word huh?) and that hurts more than you would believe or care about. but what can i do? at least part of this is my fault. but i aint gonna beg for forgivness though. not coz i dont think im to blame! just coz its extremely pathetic and u lot would hate me all the more for that.

i shld answer a coupla things. cindy im gonna hafta rip 'em off your blog:
1.u hurt chermy - i have no idea how i did. and for her..... suffice to say im sorry. but it'd help if i knew what it is im being tried for

2.u hurt char - CHAR? she's the only person at the moment who's willing to help me out here! so Char if i HAVE well im sorry babe. i really am. i had no idea

3.u act nice to daniel after all e vicious tings u said bout him in e past - key phrase "In the past". and please. i could name 1 or 2 ppl who've said at least as bad stuff abt him. while also maintaining a nice front. im GENUINELY trying to be nice now. coz there was a time when we were friends i think. and i shouldnt have messed that up.

4.u keep stabbin victor - damn straight i did. and victor you know i did too. there's absolutely no denying it at all. but im hoping we sorted things out that day when u gave me the whole test thing rite? if not, well cheers to you too. and im sorry for all the shit i HAVE said in the past.

5.u keep disturbin mar - best part about this is that ya'll probably think i still like her (lo and behold! yes indeed this is the first time this's been openly said on my blog.) so mar: things have gone straight to hell with you and me. thats clear. and evidently u dont think its worth salvaging. i'd disagree coz we have had fun together i think. at least i really have (and thanks for that). but its your call and your life. i'm still gonna help you when u need help though. that'll always be there. i just dont understand what it is i've done to you of late that's made things turn out this way.

6.said wad i said becoz it's becomin increasingly irritatin fer me to hear consistent bitchin bout u - fair enough cindy. fair enough indeed. of course it would've been nice if u coulda stood up for me instead of joinin them! :) but that might be too much to ask - especially considering what they were bitchin abt had a large dollop of truth in it.

u wana tell me otherwise? - well actually i dont noe what it IS that's supposed to be true. so no i dont.


the only thing i absolutely disagree with in ur entry:
& STOP USIN VULGARITIES ON GERS U DICK.WE WON'T TK DAT LYIN DOWN
this, im sorry, is just absolute bull shit. chermaine u have the whole "fuck u back" thing. and cindy u swear too! so what's wrong with swearing? notice u did say "U DICK" in nice caps there. so how is it wrong for me to use it on u? coz you're a girl? doesnt that lower u? next it'll be girls arent as intelligent or they're not worth as much! this's the flip side of equality between the sexes.
i SHOULD have just not used any vulgarities at all. the fact that u are girls (almost put "were") shouldnt affect whether i swear or not. to be honest tho i never succesfully stop. so: apologies for being rude. but considering u lot have sworn at me too many times to remember too i do think this is slightly unfair.


but once again thanks cindy. you're the only one who's actually bothered to TELL me what's wrong. unlike others who just forwards the msg back to me when i ask them. (hey like i said do whatever u want. i just wish we were still friends)

one thing: how much of this is actually being pissed at me and how much is just that its come at the time it has, and ya'll are getting pissed in groups? that has a real nasty cumulative effect. fact remains that i've been partly at fault though i admit.

and thats enough of that.

study's going ok.

i'll see u lot in school (although judging by whats been happening lately i probably wont talk to any of you at all. so good luck everyone!)

some of you will walk away from this post thinking i'm desperately trying to savalge some friendships. get that outta your heads. the ones which are salvageable will salvage themselves. this entry will only help clear things up a little.


and to think i though T3 was a great class! well i still do. i think each and every one of you are fucking incredible people. but cmon like chermaine told me there are some days when u just get pissed right. and i AM an arrogant prick sometimes. my apologies. i thought i'd improved a little. at least so u said mar. spose u'll be taking that back now wont u. want a plastic bag to keep it in? :)

that's enough. mar, i'd love to still be your friend. char, get better and im sorry once more. chermaine: cheers. seems its too late to do anything abt you. im sorry for whatever it was. cindy: u stay happy k? and i'll stay away frm u to make sure that's possible. victor: UUUUUU. wat can i say bro? :D apologies for the stabbing. hey cool scar innit? :) but seriously its been uncalled for. dan: pretty much the same for you. hope its not too late. and dont give up on church. maybe try a new one!


cringe cringe cringe. the word itself sounds cringey dont it?


god bless you lot.


fuck.

first off, fuck all you small little cunts. fuck every goddam single one of you.

no this isnt for everyone. just for the ones im pissed with.


i mean FOR GODDAMN FUCK'S SAKE if you're going to write :"anw..a certain sum1 has become increasingly annoyin to all others.sheesh..come back to earth u half angmoh!" why dont u stop being a FUCKING STUPID asshole who wont TELL ME TO MY FUCKING FACE and instead hide behind pseudo-veiled lines like that? i mean CINDY, it is GODDAM OBVIOUS that its me you're talking about. thanks for the reminder about being half-ang moh too. i probably would have forgotten about that wouldnt i. why dont u grow some DAMN GUTS and just write my NAME in there? or is three syllables too damn long for you?


its just charming to know that i've become "increasingly annoyin to all others". admittedly this entry was on Tuesday. but hey i noe all you little people get together and bitch about others la. cmon you're all guilty. fess up. more'n half of you have bitched WITH me about your supposed friends. this whole thing is ridiculous.

Cindy: im not really pissed with you, contrary to what the above would give you cause to think. just seems kinda hypocritical that u can sit arnd with ppl bitching abt me and yet come to school the next day and sit at the same table with me, borrowing trans notes from me too. i just dont get that at all. if you're pissed with me then tell me or stay away from me! "sheesh" yourself.


spose it was tuesday night that i was notified slightly about this brewing despisal of me. thanks oh surfwear brand :) and no i aint upset at anyone really.

i cant explain it to be honest. well first off im dead tired and sunburnt. so tt doesnt help. also i figured Cindy was my friend... and this isnt what i'd expect. lets just put it that way (yeah i KNOW others are pissed too. but cindy's the one im sure of at the moment. sorry Cin. i know its unfair). thirdly: so ya'll think im arrogant. so TELL ME?!! or dont. i mean hey i dont bitch when u have a fucking annoying voice or think u whine too damn much do i?


ppl are telling me not to be polite and all. so yeah.



but anyway ppl dont care any more when im pissed at them. figures, since most of them arent my friends any more. they just say they are. some dont even bother with that much. well fuck all of you.


*i dont know how all of you (especially Cindy) are going to take this entry. frankly for most of you i dont give a damn. if you're going to do what it is you seem to have been doing obviously friedship counts for absolute shit with you anyway.

++admittedly i quite possibly have been arrogant recently. sure get pissed, but im not TRYING to be. i just come outta the exam hall very happy and i wanna tell someone. surely some of you can understand that.

plus, i've been very harsh in this entry. dont take it too badly all of you that care. im exhausted and this has just hit me at precisely the wrong time. think mood swings (which to most of you are an acceptable excuse - i fully agree btw. they are fucked up, and hit you at the worst times).


anw. skated the whole day today. fucking fun. went with Aaron and Exo. lets see: fell down and bruised my hip, my hands have bursted vessels everywhere, im sunburnt and i have a friction burn on my elbow. in other words, FUCKING FUN! exo fell off a 6(?more i guess) foot high quarter pipe ramp. and i tried dropping in off one SO many times i've lost count.


forgive the unwarranted rage tonight everyone. but some of it IS warranted i reckon. well thats my POV anw. take it or leave it. when it comes down to it i still love all of you anw. that sounds totally at odds with the above i noe.

Exo: I love you man. thanks for everything. EXCEPT taking my money all the time. u did the right thing today man. u really did.



What's in a name?

Life can be a real head case at times. im really spinning around inside the ole cranium

I thought i could trust you after the last time it emerged that p'raps i shlndt. i guess NOT huh. man. of all people you AGAIN. wat a way to lose a friend.


maybe its not as bad as i think. but until that's proven.... yeah


been skating (on a board not blades) at exo's place the last coupla days. the end result being that im hooked. goin to Youth park tomorrow to skate my balls off :) Ben from T9 has a goddam METAL PLATE in his arm coz of a skate injury! damn.... scary shit.


no happiness left in me to blog tonight. im really sad at how things are going.... seems im losing/have already lost friends everywhere.... despite wat ppl say. it aint that i dont believe u. just that it doesnt quite seem that way. funny.... last friday had me fooled. ahhhhhhhhhh.........


g'nite ya'll.



I'll chop her into messes

nicks of the last 20 minutes :D

~_i aint really mad at the hey.... hey

~_Econs tomorrow... lets all cry. and kiss our collective ass goodbye.

~_The "C" Walk man!

~_as i head off to my bed. Perfect Com is in my head. somewhere there's monoploy too. fuck it. can i sleep with you?

~_econs tomorrow.whoopy doo. im fucked up. and how bout you?

~_Now i lay me down to slp.i pray the Lord my brain will keep.& if tomorrow i still wake.i hope econs's a piece of cake

and returning to an earlier theme:
~_Econs tomorrow... lets all cry. and kiss our collective ass goodbye.even if we make it thru.chinese on thursday man! im screwed


contrary to what these make you think, i'll be alright tomorrow i reckon. gnite world!



in light of tomorrow's exam, this entry's quote is:


Perfect Competition firms cannot make supernormal profits in the long run.

gimme the mic ya'll
gimme the mic ya'll
gimme the mic so i can rock it right ya'll
im outta sight ya'll
im outta sight ya'll
im outta sight when im blowing up the mic ya'll
you know it

you know it



smacking it DOWN bitches and gentlemen! (To quote Business by eminem. check it ya'll)

history was a slice of cake, to quote King Leopold of Belgium (ruler at the time Belgium annexed the Congo).

evidently i have yet to expunge all of Paper One from my system eh :D


ppl are weird.... always complaining abt how they're gonna fail, while at the same time showing no genuine desire to study. wats with that?
although i must admit to sharing the sentiment at times.

Exodus: Fuck man you're doing TOO DAMN WELL. 'nuff said.


Turn it up motherfucker
turn it up motherfucker
turn it up.


mar: sorry for incessantly talking about who's gonna leave. i'll make no excuses about it. i'll just stop. good luck with everything!

char: stay strong. praying for ya every day. remember wat i've said k? and im glad u like the way i talk. i take that as a very high compliment indeed.

Kristin: glad to hear it went alright :) good luck for tomorrow. (as if u'll see this. but that aint the point :D )

Fiona: God bless! and thanks for not slamming me too bad when i was wrong today abt 1777 :)

Victor: UUUUUU :D good luck with everything. not that u need it. at least not as much as i do :)

Daniel: glad to hear history went well!! Get better y'hear. and work on your captaining strategies :)

Chermy: BOO!! :D hahaha check out the bold yeah :) good luck with everything. u'll be fine

Cindy: BOO!! too. 'cept that the BOO!! is aimed sllllliiiiiiigggggghhhhhtttttly lower :) God bless yeah. wanna see u next year alright

Maisie (Yeah i remember u :D ): Good luck with everything. hope ur doing great

Timo: Oh my namesake! do me proud! :D 'nuff said.

Darryl (Or Ryl as you are more trendily known :D ): waddup bro. keep it real yeah? and for fuck's sake pass everything :) cya next year aight.

Dudley: U still in here? Good luck at cheena haven NY :D God bless

Ben: Where the FUCK have u been man? dying in PJ i noe. :D Good luck!

Randy: well u went and left JC didnt u?!! :D keep it alive in poly k.

think that does everyone! the ppl who SHOULDNT have this blog aren't in JC anw as far as i noe. but anw: to you as shouldnt be here: hey its all good. do whatever you want la. and do well in whatever. no hard feelings no more. too drained :D


and that, LADIES and gentlemen, is that.


Econs is gonna be great tomorrow. i can feel it :)


if i could have one thing
just one thing above all
i know what it would be
but do you lot?
you ALL still think its THAT
for GOD'S sake!
take a look around
things are so OBVIOUSLY not happening
at least not to ME
good luck to 'em :D
but please for God's sake stop thinking that!

careful scrutinisation
of the above poem
will confer upon the reader the
realisation
that i actually never said
anything.... definitive
wanna noe why?
one word
SUSPENSE
i ENJOY watching u lot squirm
like worms
(oops a rhyme. dont belong in blank verse. oh wth)
so yeah. maybe its still that
maybe it aint.
wat's it to you anw?
but HA. go figure ya'll
sure as hell dont expect
any info
from me.


Speak friend and enter.

What Is Your Battle Cry?

Rampaging over the wasteland, brandishing a jeweled meat hammer, cometh Timothy! And he gives an ominous roar: "As sure as predators devour prey, I bring annihilation and cheap beer!!"

Find out! Enter username: Are you a girl, or a guy ?

created by beatings : powered by monkeys

ripped this off mar's...... i STILL have the jewelled hammer which aint much fun. but the cheap beer part cracks me up :D

im feeling much better about the promos. its good.

its 11 now and i've been up since 6. slept at 12.30 last night. so, considering its ME (i need like 8 hours of sleep) its pretty amazing im not tired. been thru history twice in 12 hours. that's pretty good. considering not touching it anymore. there's still econs!! and lit too.

which reminds me: Sorry for asking so many times. i was just freaking out about lit yesterday for some reason. my apologies.

what else is new
that i can say
life gets better
each new day

or so it seems
but does it really?
i'd like to say so
loud and freely

but then one cant be sure
in this fickle-seeming life
one that's torn apart with lies
distrust malice and strife

fickle people, little lies
sick of evil, soulless eyes.
but for those of you
that have stayed true
my thanks, and my attempted trust in return


nah there's no hidden meaning in that.
distrust has been making the rounds recently. funny how things always seem to recur even though we all make the same solemn resolutions not to let them. same as New Year's Resolutions (yeah im lifting here). some things just shouldnt be promised.
of course its always nice to be optimistic and try to keep the vows. actually it is worth the effort. coz it does work sometimes. mustn't be pessimisstic.

*ME not jump to conclusions? YOU dont first la!! UUUUUU :D


flies lies and fucked up trust
wait. hate? is it a must?
be we only fickle men?
are we all that shallow then?
whither have the noble gone?
"Thither, to history" u say with scorn
Apparently they are no more



who knows where things'll go from here?
who knows who'll freeze in fear?
come Monday, the dreaded history paper
will we sit there, sweat and waver?
which of us wont make it through?
will never be in J C 2?
which of us will be together
Sunshine or that other weather?
how many will be doomed to fall?
'04 to not see at all?

this goes out to all of those
who next year will never see.
it isnt the end of the world.
even tho it seems to be.
consider this, then,
my epitaph for you
you've had fun this year
let that carry you through

and if this fails to console you
well i've tried my best.
if u still cant handle it, gimme a call
we'll sort out the rest.


stay strong everyone
dont break up inside
dont run away, dont be at bay
and for God's sake please dont hide

if you want to, just leave a tag
and i'll offer up a prayer or two.
things'll be alright. you'll see
next year i'll be seeing you.




good luck everyone! to those as needs it, extra good luck. to those as dont, fuck off man wats with the arrogance????!!!!! :) nah good luck to EVERYONE. keeping ya'll in my prayers. and *you, prayer IS something that works consistently. tell u all abt it sometime.



Where shall we have lunch?

~_haggard places, tired eyes. sagging faces, same old lies. tell me please, coz im wondering. u urself, our love defies

~_plastic bags and paper rags. coins to throw to filthy hags. Damn this world is fucking slow. How i hate the way it lags.

~_Filthy people, filthy lies. empty faces and soulles eyes. damn right go hide in that guise. see its you that i despise.


just three of my recent nicks :D.


i dunno man. promos are on Monday.


things shld be alright. one can hope. VERY HARD.


strangely today was a great day.
ran 8 rounds with Mar during break. yeah it was FUCKING hot. but still...
mar says my legs look skinnier!! (as to how i've lost the weight, sorry babs i have no idea :) good Good GOOD! need to lose more though. or bulk up with muscle...........


losing weight's easier :D


absolutely thoroughly enjoyed the conversation today. all the various parts. everything was great. contrary to what many people STILL persist in thinking, that's all i want now! good conversation with a good friend. and of course the friendship itself la! that goes without saying.

i wish some of you would GET THAT THROUGH YOUR HEADS!!

nothing else really happened. oh yeah every teacher fully expects T3 to NOT be entirely promoted. which is damn true. damn sad though.



plastic rags and people's bags
luggage what makes things lag.
overcast night, and cloudy day
same old life and same old day.

too tired for a long entry today....


still feeling that pleasant buzz..... funny how it lasts so long.
*hope things are ok!


Wherefore art thou?

two sentences today have really shaken me up. in fact they've completely shell-shocked me.
both were in front of the whole class - which only helped to emphasise the truth of the statements.
the first: "Tim you're the only one in this class who can get straight As without really even trying hard"
and the second: "If you are the valedictorian next year Tim i won't be surprised at all"

both by JY, and coupled with the repeated statement that "Your only problem is that you're lazy. you're your own worst enemy."

now before you all run off thinking im an egotistical bastard, rest assured that the remainder of this part of the entry is GOING to sound completely arrogant. so leave now if necessary.

first off: my parents have been telling me this stuff for YEARS. ever since i started school in Singapore. but to have a teacher who is respected (although quite hated and despised at times) say the exact same things to me in front of my CLASS says a lot.
secondly: i've known this for YEARS myself. i've just been fucking lazy and submerged it all beneath my slack exterior.

what terrifies me now is that i've left everything too late and i'm not gonna make it thru to next year so i can prove her right. coz i noe she is (i warned you). my fucking promotional examinations are NEXT BLOODY WEEK. i HAVE to make it through. and if/when i do, i am going to FUCKING STUDY hard next year. coz like i've told a few people, i CAN be the top of the whole damn JC. 'cept for chinese (no surprises there).


please try to understand this ISNT arrogance. although it undoubtedly sounds like it.


WEDNESDAY:
pretty good day!

its always nice to have people arnd you who you genuinely enjoy talking to. coz even when u arent talking to them they're there to be talked to. y'noe what i mean? n wednesday was like that. felt great. harked back to the days when i REALLY felt alive. if ya'll noe what i mean.

PROBABLY you dont. but who gives a damn?

yeah it was a pretty good day. some interesting things too that i saw :) i must say you're look has changed a bit in a few ways. but remember, it was only ever the legs that looked fat :D thanks for that. was fun in a quiet soft manner.

cant ALWAYS be hyper n loud and talkative. it aint healthy!

cant remember the rest. its all a nice haze kinda.

THURSDAY
6 people (including me) came to school today. what more can i say?
felt lonely..... missed quite a few ppl actually! sad sad sad sad sad.
PLUS one of them had my outline :)

felt a bit of the old bug setting in. tried (almost succesfully) to quash it. will do my darnest to suppress/burn/kill/destroy! it

after school went to exo's place!!


i LIKE it. but he was a FUCKING FAT BASTARD BEFORE!!!!!!!!!
he really was.

anw. messed arnd for a while.


this is for Victor: HE CAN FUCKING SKATE LA.
just to make sure you know


what else?

that's about it.


oh yeah check this out:
Before you judge a person, walk a mile in his shoes first. that way, once you've walked a mile away from him, you still dont like him, AND you have his shoes.


hahahahahahahahaahhaah. cracked up when i read that :D


toodle-doo ya'll


In space, no one can hear you scream...