morning ya'll :)

woke up kinda late. 9.30! which for me is late la. slept kinda late last night... stayed up watching The Hunted. Tommy Lee Jones and Benico Del Toro. wondering who the last guy is? believe it or not he's an Academy Award winner (that means he's got an Oscar dickhead. y'noe one of those shiny golden men with a sword). yeah i didnt noe him either. but i recognised him. if that counts for anything. just think: u see him walking down the street n u run over, but then wadya say? u'd be all like Hey you're .... you're.... that... well that GUY arent u? :D he'd probably feel pretty fucked up i reckon :)


of course the down side of being up so early is that no one else is awake.

ice skating's been cancelled apparently. oh well. i'll practice my fingers off then.


i kinda miss a bunch of ppl. which is weird. but hey there is.

im wondering abt this Friendster thing. ppl in and outta school are telling me abt it... but i dunno. guess i'll give it a spin if i aint got nuttin else to do.

a wallflower? you? no way. at least i dont think so. but "Wallflowers" the BAND. now there's some good music! :D

interesting... i never thought of it, but apparently people think JY flirts with me. at least Rahul and Timo do. they say they see her flirting with me all the time. i dunno... maybe they're right maybe they're (wat's your guess for the next word? say "left" and i will STAB you) wrong. doesnt really matter anyway. hey vic, u really think she's trying to turn guys on in school? probably i guess. reckon using the initials JY is safe enough?

i feel kinda lousy after reading some stuff. was it really that much of a drag? i dunno how to say what im thinking inside (NOT, as some of you might think, coz im not THINKING). maybe if things were more normal then there woulda been more interaction etc etc and things wouldnt have been so fucking dull. God i wish things were normal. although it was always.... "tense" i believe was the word used. well not always. but most of the time. never did actually talk abt that. we had a deal remember? and then things blew up (uh HUH!). oh well.


how much do people really noe me?
God noes how much some owe me
they BEHAVE like they're my friends
but are they really? 'tis just pretend
or at least thats what i think sometimes
with some guys i noe
a little spark a little flare
and their tops begin to blow
with others its just amzing
how shallow they really are
kinda like instead of "beautiful diamond"
they just say "a star"
they really dont know one at all
and yet they THINK they do.
i'm not talking bout everyone though
wadya reckon? do i mean you?


try to figure out what that means. suffice to say that everyone who i've tried to patch things up with in the past (as in really tried. think "hell no i dont hate you") well that aint about you. im sorta reflecting what i've read.

my view of friendship in this country at least is really pretty jaded and cynical. i really HATE taggin along with "friends" coz i dunno when its gonne be considered taggin and when its not. and stuff that happened earlier (although my misdeed admittedly brought it upon myself) only reinforced that idea. but with FRIENDS, as in real friends, i noe its cool and im comfortable. coz when they want me gone they'll say so. hell i do the same to them. that aint to say that the "friends" aren't friends though. its just that i dont noe which are for real and which aren't. and the ones that i really really treasure, well, evidently can be lost really fast. which doesnt mean they weren't friends in the first place. since i reckon friends'll be lost really soona after we leave school n all it takes lots for me to commit to a friendship. but for some people from day 1 i've known i wanna be and STAY friends with you. the feeling's still there!


if the above makes any sense to you, drop me a line. coz it honestly doesnt make much sense to ME. its kinda a jumbled mess.


i think i've talked enough for now. i'll be back later.



i'm an educated virgin