Life, death and the joys of wrestling

LIFE

Is short, usually not very fulfilling, and for us, depressingly, lasts for a shorter period of time than the Giant Sea Turtle.

DEATH

Is the culmination and end-point of Life, and is preceeded by scenes from one's life flashing past one's eyes. Contrary to popular myth, this does not occur when the skeleton with the sickle approaches. Rather, this is a process called LIVING.


Short, fairly succint, and that's that.

Ah, but

THE JOYS OF WRESTLING!

Now THERE'S something i can wax lyrical about.

Yeah I know, I know... there isn't much entertainment out there that's much more low-brow than wrestling. Plus the good old WWE just packs in heaps of violence, worsening an already terrible show. That's what everybody says. But I think this paradigm needs to be examined, and shifted!

I used to think that wrestling was one of the stupidest forms of television entertainment known to Mankind, and the Universe at large (the worst being day-time soap operas. I actually find most reality TV quite fascinating, even if at times in a sick way). I had friends who idolised wrestlers, watched every available episode with religious fervour, and followed plot developments more closely than they followed the lives of their family members. "Why watch the damn thing? Its all bloody fake!" I'd said. "The plots! The stories!" was the inevitable reply.

What-the-fuck-ever.

But one of the things I've realised as I've continued on my long slow slide down to Death, much to my chagrin, is that many things change as I grow older.

This year there've been lots of late nights for me - not having to wake up in the morning for school generally has that effect I'm told. The upshot of that? Lots of late night TV! And because of the incessant whingeing of the concerned parents here, late night TV features WRESTLING!

I watched a couple of minutes of one episode, then a bit more, and more..... and soon enough i was watching it whenever I was free and at home. Not addicted, but interested.

Sorta like a social pot-head.

I realised that my friends weren't just slack-jawed morons who'd had their minds eroded away by the utter stupidity of what was the WWF at the time. Nay, they were right: The storylines and plots, the good guys and the villains, the fake punches and the seemingly-superhuman feats - they all combined to make something incredibly enticing.

In my (not very humble at all, to be honest) opinion, the wrestlers today are the Gladiators of ancient Rome. While this may sound somewhat crazed, listen to this first!

1) Both the fights of today and the battles of the Colosseum featured larger-than-life men fighting in rings for the amusement of spectators.

2) Both forms of entertainment had carefully-planned and orchestrated battles between "good" and "evil" from time to time - concepts as arbitrary then as they are today. For examples of this, the Emperor Justinian's reign is a good period to examine (in Byzantium).

3) Both bring out the savage, primal response in the audience of bloodlust, as they vicariously partake in the carnage being played out before them.

4) Both have the magical attraction of being able to witness men such as the watchers could never dream of becoming fight purely for their enjoyment; they look, and find that it is good.


So what we've got are the heroes of a sizeable portion of today's younger generations! Plus, because its a lot more fake than the days of Rome - I say "a lot more" because contrary to what you probably think, its not ALL stamping-the-floor-when-throwing-a-punch. These guys bleed - your heroes never die until they are A) too old - and these days that's right about when you hit 80 or so, B) move into movies, where EVERYTHING is fake, or C) they become utterly evil (for example I do NOT know what the fuck has happened to Kurt Angle). Because of the nature of wrestling today, there's a lot of cooperation and pre-performance rehearsing, which results in set pieces on TV that are sometimes so wonderfully orchestrated that they approach aching beauty. Its something along the lines of 300 pound ballet with blood.

The plots are thin, i'll admit that. But they do get you interested! So you gotta give kudos to the scriptwriters and all those people, too: They keep the crowd entertained, and give 'em what they want. I dont quite know how it happens, but I get sucked right in, and pretty soon i actually GIVE a damn about who wins in a match and who bites the dust.


So we've got engaging storylines. We've got bloody entertainment. We've got people to do the impossible for us, to heart-wrenching perfection, while all we have to do is watch. Plus, we've got indestructible supermen who never seem to die.


So what are you waiting for?

Singapore needs a Fifth Amendment

Its been far too long yet again. That's going to be like the catchphrase for this blog if I dont watch it, i swear.


If you're wondering what the new title of my blog means, well do your homework! it never hurts to pick up a Renaissance phrase or two. for some strange and quirky reason it seems to make people think you're intelligent. God knows what goes thru some people's heads at times, i swear.


**********

Singapore needs a Fifth Amendment. If i'm remembering right, that's the one that says people have the right to freedom of speech/expression. No, i dont know what the first 4 are (except that one is the right to bear arms or something.... we can skip that one!), but i think the 5th is damn important!

Not to say that there havent been attempts. The government's trying really really hard. I mean, can't you tell? what with the SPEAKER'S CORNER??

puh-leeze. Its a wonder that one isn't already an old joke with comedians.

But anyway. What's setting me off on this path? A path which is dangerous, filled with pitfalls? A path where the path's pitfalls are filled with people ready to jump up and pull you down if you're lucky enough to miss the first few?
Its the whole goddamn blog thing!

First of all some PSC scholar makes a racist remark. Where? ONLINE. in a -get this- BLOG. who in all of Dante's hells gives a shit? Obviously some do, because the poor SOB got shot down. I cant remember what the punishment was, but it can't have been fun.

Disclaimer: Yeah yeah i'm all against racism and all that jive. I really am! (try being mixed in an all Chinese secondary school. it messes with you!) but really. A grown man should be allowed to express some things in the privacy of what is, essentially, a diary in cyberspace. What's next? Invasive procedures to check bad eeeevil thoughts?


Next we have the poor sod otherwise known as Sarong Party Girl. so she posts nude pictures on the web. SO THE FUCK WHAT?
I wouldn't respond with such strength and vitriol if the arguments put forward against this blog hadn't been so utterly pathetic as to be laughable. I mean we're talking pathetic on the level that going up against the United States Army with a can of spray paint and some rocks is pathetic. "What if my brother chances across her site and gets addicted to pornography?" What on earth is someone who says something like that THINKING? "What if I walk down the street and a plane falls on me? I think we should ban planes!"
I think the chances of a brother happening across SPG's website and getting addicted to porn BECAUSE OF THAT WEBSITE are abt the same as me being killed by a plane crash tomorrow.
What the cerebrally-challenged idiot of a sister should have thought abt was how her complaining IN THE NATION'S ONE AND ONLY NEWSPAPER might cause many many many more poor, pure and wholly innocent younger brothers to, because of the publicity, visit this EVIL, DESPICABLE blog, and get addicted to porn.

Not that having the last two unaddicted young teenage boys (there cant be many more than that left!) become porn lovers really makes a difference by this point, anyway. Come ON.



Next we have people who said "It will tarnish Singapore's image!".

Oh god. where does one even START?

ONE NUDE PHOTO let me repeat that ONE NUDE PHOTO is going to tarnish Singapore's reputation? well then! either
A) You yourself think very, very VERY lowly already of Singapore's image, if this'd make a difference
B) You have very strange ideas about the minds of people in other countries, or
C) You really don't give a damn about Singapore's reputation, but because you either dont have a decent enough body for a nude shot or you're pissed coz YOU aren't getting the publicity you're doing the whole "Oh Lord save my nation's purity and virtue!" act.


I understand the first, i guess, but then why say anything?
The second wouldn't suprise me. People here have MANY strange ideas, it seems.
The third? Ding ding ding! The answer, i think! Because who really cares about a country's image?! Or if you really do, who genuinely believes that a nude photo is going to affect it in any negative way????




And of course in the midst of all the furor over this blog, the writer over at xiaxue.blogspot.com has to give her two cents worth, of course. Or rather, a whole $10 bill in small change. Sounding rather green with envy, she disdainfully dismisses (not that she uses any alliteration - i suspect its beyond her) SPG's blog as a passing fad, and says she feels absolutely unthreatened - which is why she felt compelled to come up with some snide little animation about her non-rival. Ladies and gentlemen, Singapore's top blogger - revealed as the insecure jealous girl she must obviously be!

a comparison has to be made between the two bloggers, because this IS singaporean journalism, you know.


What self-respecting person really cares about the opinions of someone who says that SPG's blog is full of "cheem" words, though, anyway?




But my purpose is not to attack Wendy Cheng! (although my inner self rubs its hands gleefully at the prospect. Down, boy!) All I really wanted to do was to lament the sad lack of freedom of expression in this country. I'm sure its better than before, but there must be a way for Singapore to progress beyond a point where the only people with the audacity to speak freely and yet not be lambasted in the local media are taxi drivers!




Think on it. And if i've upset any xiaxue fans.....

Onomatopoeia! Xenophobia! Existentialism! Psychosomatic symptoms! Telekinesis! Thermodynamics! Arbitration! Draconian ideology! Believer in the Strong Anthromorphic Principle!


That should be enough in the way of "cheem" words to scare you twits off for good. -insert saccharine (you get that one for free!) sweet smile right here-