Charine: i noe u said there's no need to edit this, but i wanna publicly thank you. its really heartening (never thought i'd actually USE that word) to noe that you're still with me even tho i've been a dick. plus u've made me see HOW i've been one. which helps to prevent future cases. so thank you a million times babe. i really really really appreciate you more than i can ever say. love ya

First off, i have to say: Cindy, strangely enough you have brightened up my day. sincerely i want to thank you, even if its only for being straight up with me (even if it IS kinda public! but hey i deserve that) its just nice of you to tell me what it is i've been doing wrong without being overly harsh. so yeah thanks for that a lot. even though its fucking weird to say thanks for something like that. it really is.


Kelsey huh? wonder where THAT came from. of all ppl i never would have expected a total turn-away and cut off from you. i suppose its been coming for a long time though. seems like things were too strong for that. to be honest it breaks my goddam heart. i thought things got sorted out so many times? it WAS only yesterday that we seemed to be communicatin like normal fairly friendly ppl. and then there's this. thing is i cant have pissed u off directly coz i didnt even talk to u yesterday. so it must be feeding off other ppl. which STILL makes it my fault.
thing is the above paragraph wont change anything. we'll never be friends again. you're the only one im absolutely sure of. there's just no way i can see that we could be. seems u despise me too much. and for all i know that despisal is quite possibly merited. so cheers.


dumbest part is i miss every one of you so bad. i've had so much fun the last coupla days... and there's been so much going on. and i dont even noe how ya'll did for your exams! i dont see how we can stay friends of any sort after this whole fracas (cool word huh?) and that hurts more than you would believe or care about. but what can i do? at least part of this is my fault. but i aint gonna beg for forgivness though. not coz i dont think im to blame! just coz its extremely pathetic and u lot would hate me all the more for that.

i shld answer a coupla things. cindy im gonna hafta rip 'em off your blog:
1.u hurt chermy - i have no idea how i did. and for her..... suffice to say im sorry. but it'd help if i knew what it is im being tried for

2.u hurt char - CHAR? she's the only person at the moment who's willing to help me out here! so Char if i HAVE well im sorry babe. i really am. i had no idea

3.u act nice to daniel after all e vicious tings u said bout him in e past - key phrase "In the past". and please. i could name 1 or 2 ppl who've said at least as bad stuff abt him. while also maintaining a nice front. im GENUINELY trying to be nice now. coz there was a time when we were friends i think. and i shouldnt have messed that up.

4.u keep stabbin victor - damn straight i did. and victor you know i did too. there's absolutely no denying it at all. but im hoping we sorted things out that day when u gave me the whole test thing rite? if not, well cheers to you too. and im sorry for all the shit i HAVE said in the past.

5.u keep disturbin mar - best part about this is that ya'll probably think i still like her (lo and behold! yes indeed this is the first time this's been openly said on my blog.) so mar: things have gone straight to hell with you and me. thats clear. and evidently u dont think its worth salvaging. i'd disagree coz we have had fun together i think. at least i really have (and thanks for that). but its your call and your life. i'm still gonna help you when u need help though. that'll always be there. i just dont understand what it is i've done to you of late that's made things turn out this way.

6.said wad i said becoz it's becomin increasingly irritatin fer me to hear consistent bitchin bout u - fair enough cindy. fair enough indeed. of course it would've been nice if u coulda stood up for me instead of joinin them! :) but that might be too much to ask - especially considering what they were bitchin abt had a large dollop of truth in it.

u wana tell me otherwise? - well actually i dont noe what it IS that's supposed to be true. so no i dont.


the only thing i absolutely disagree with in ur entry:
& STOP USIN VULGARITIES ON GERS U DICK.WE WON'T TK DAT LYIN DOWN
this, im sorry, is just absolute bull shit. chermaine u have the whole "fuck u back" thing. and cindy u swear too! so what's wrong with swearing? notice u did say "U DICK" in nice caps there. so how is it wrong for me to use it on u? coz you're a girl? doesnt that lower u? next it'll be girls arent as intelligent or they're not worth as much! this's the flip side of equality between the sexes.
i SHOULD have just not used any vulgarities at all. the fact that u are girls (almost put "were") shouldnt affect whether i swear or not. to be honest tho i never succesfully stop. so: apologies for being rude. but considering u lot have sworn at me too many times to remember too i do think this is slightly unfair.


but once again thanks cindy. you're the only one who's actually bothered to TELL me what's wrong. unlike others who just forwards the msg back to me when i ask them. (hey like i said do whatever u want. i just wish we were still friends)

one thing: how much of this is actually being pissed at me and how much is just that its come at the time it has, and ya'll are getting pissed in groups? that has a real nasty cumulative effect. fact remains that i've been partly at fault though i admit.

and thats enough of that.

study's going ok.

i'll see u lot in school (although judging by whats been happening lately i probably wont talk to any of you at all. so good luck everyone!)

some of you will walk away from this post thinking i'm desperately trying to savalge some friendships. get that outta your heads. the ones which are salvageable will salvage themselves. this entry will only help clear things up a little.


and to think i though T3 was a great class! well i still do. i think each and every one of you are fucking incredible people. but cmon like chermaine told me there are some days when u just get pissed right. and i AM an arrogant prick sometimes. my apologies. i thought i'd improved a little. at least so u said mar. spose u'll be taking that back now wont u. want a plastic bag to keep it in? :)

that's enough. mar, i'd love to still be your friend. char, get better and im sorry once more. chermaine: cheers. seems its too late to do anything abt you. im sorry for whatever it was. cindy: u stay happy k? and i'll stay away frm u to make sure that's possible. victor: UUUUUU. wat can i say bro? :D apologies for the stabbing. hey cool scar innit? :) but seriously its been uncalled for. dan: pretty much the same for you. hope its not too late. and dont give up on church. maybe try a new one!


cringe cringe cringe. the word itself sounds cringey dont it?


god bless you lot.


fuck.