y'noe its kinda freeing to not have to feel like crap abt the same old thing for once! sure it'll doubtless be back tomorrow or tuesday. but for now im reveling in this feeling!

fuck ya'll (in an entirely friendly manner)

i have come to a conclusion
(sounds grand doesnt it. fuck all of you bitches)
there has NEVER been anything, there currently IS nothing and there will never BE anything.
its dying slowly la. never thought it would. but it is.
like praise the lord alreaddy.

another thing: i really dont think much of friendships anymore. lookin arnd, things that arent ok if its me are nothing less than dandy if its someone else. and yet apparently its nothing at all. now all of you out there are probably kinda confused. good. keep it that way. and dont bother asking me whats going on. coz frankly i dont give a fuck and i will NOT tell you.

contrary to what you MAY be thinking (unlikely as the possibility of you thinking may be) i am not in a bad mood. just a lil let down by several people, several things, several eventualities. surprised things have turned out the way they have, n surprised people are the way they are.


*interesting conversation going on while im doing this. if u noe who u are, -wink- *

fuck the whole thing. it's all a bloody waste of time anw.

---intuitive people amongst you may be guessing as to what im talking abt. well, isnt it obvious? im talking abt studying for my promos! suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuure---




isn't bluntness sweet?


i'm gonna come outta this entry looking (or reading rather) like im an absolute bitch. well there are two ways to look at that. Number 1: i AM an absolute bitch. now, as there are countless advocates of this idea, i shall not elaborate. and Number 2: Im just letting off a lil steam and things are getting to me. believe it or not this IS the truth. (well u cld be a nit-picker and say both options are applicable. which is true no doubt. but get outta my face if thats all you have to say. coz i aint listening)


it really is strange how things are outta wack. i really dont noe what on earth (or what on EARTH as i read in a message from someone today) is wrong with everything. stuff is funny.

we never really know where we stand with our friends do we? i used to think i did at least with a select one or two. but none of it's true it seems.

lets do something cheerful.

Friends

People who you hang out with
people who you love
people with skin real dark
and with skin just like a dove

people who you grow to trust
people who u shouldnt
people u can tell anything
people who you wouldnt

basically im talking abt
two different kinds of things
one kind has horns and a tail n stuff
the other sort has wings

i know for SURE i have ONE sort
but which one i shall not tell
(i'll give u a lil hint tho.
I think they're all from hell)


k so im sorry. that was SPOSED to be nice.

now ur probably wondering why im sounding so fucked up. ('s matter of fact someone's asking me right now if im feeling fucked) the answer is, believe it or not, no. i'm just feeling totally numb abt everything. losing faith in one friend, losing faith in a lot of things to tell the truth. basically losing faith. and there's really no reason for me to be losing faith in this friend at all! its totally unrelated to ANYTHING else. bizzzzaaaarrrrre indeed.

*interesting point - sometimes its better not to know some things y'noe wat i mean? take blogs for example. they quite often have things in them that id really rather not noe. hmmmm *

oh well. thats enough for now. depressing as it is already. although im fine :D

tata darlings

woke up feeling....... different.

Smiles
Happy or cynical
Sad or whimsical
one-way or reciprocated
Modern or antiquated

Genuine or fake
Sometimes taking effort to make:
It's the very simple smile
Try one. It's worth your while

Part your lips like so
An upside-down rainbow
Make it stretch from ear to ear
Then beam at all who're near

(doctors even say
That enough of these each day
Will keep your face quite clear
Not a wrinkle shall you fear!)

so try one!


I'm sitting here studying
or at least trying to
But u keep slipping into my mind
I think abt you
abt the things that u do.
What impression have i left behind?

Am I just a friend
that you get along with
Someone whom you'll never love?
Or will we one day
Make some people say
"Now THERE'S a match made above"

I really hope so
Coz it truly feels like
I've been loving you since, well, forever
As for when i'll stop
Feeling like i do
My current answer is: Never.


dunno wat i'll be up to today. but this's wat i've done so far. plus quite a bit of economics.

cya

today was bad.

started out by checking my phone in the morning. standard procedure. funny how three words can fuck your day up, even at 5 am in the morning. one would have thought the mind wld still be shrouded by sleep. well, one wld be wrong if one thought thus, evidently.

today was very bad.

lets see..... due to the fucked up start, everything took on a deathly pallour for the whole day. was pretty damn jaded abt everything. plus i sent a really stupid msg to someone last night. i am such a total dickhead. so anyhow. school concert for Teacher's Day was alright i spose. guitar club was (no surprise) a complete write off. altho the solo wasnt too bad. i shld totally join next year.

after concert: went back to class....... slacked n stuff. kinda felt bad re siva. she obviously felt a lil let down by our class. but the giving of the card n prezzies n stuff kinda cheered her up a lil i think. nonetheless....... yeah.

then i basically disappeared from class. didnt really have the mood to say g'bye to everyone n stuff. just went to meet my marists n we went down to good ole MSHS. that place is home man. totally. suffice to say i had fun there.

y'noe wat i aint gonna recount everything k? school was good... played a lil n stuff. (we have a fucking POOL table in school now. how cool is that?)

then went to town with ppl.... ended up watching S.W.A.T. wasnt as good as i'd have thought. but it was ok.

blah blah blah. basically today i've felt like absolute shit. how can fucking emotions (which are, btw, largely caused by chemicals in ur blood. aint that glorious now are they?) be such a goddamn pain in the ass?

this blog is mine rite? as in for me to spill n all right?

so :

fuck im getting irritated with everything concerning this. worst thing is there's really no justifiable cause aside from normal human folly. which doesnt really cut it with me anyhow. but how the FUCK can i continue to like someone who's my friend? and who feels (im guessing rather accurately) absolutely nothing for me in return? its seriously fucked up man. life is an absolute train wreck. somebody's got some serious re-writing of the Life code to do here. im telling you my life is wacked. what am i to do i ask you.

n yet at the same time it isnt. God knows where i'd be without this same thing. probably slightly more balanced. but at the same time i'd have missed out on something that has become an intergral part of me. something that has wended its way deep into the hidden recesses of my soul and there taken root, and now it cannot be removed. besides it shld not be uprooted like a common weed. rather i feel it shld be carefully nutured in the hope (HOPE being the operative word; it'll probably never happen) that it blossoms into something mutual. either that or that it transforms into something more tolerable.

well thats all for tonight folks. voyeurist vultures that you are :D

nah its my pleasure to squirm in agony for ya'll. peace out

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.


the last three days have arguably been the best three days of this whole year. they've been positively wonderful. for various reasons... all interconnected ones. i've really enjoyed it. thanks to the person/people who made it fun.

i really dont know WHY the last several days have been as wonderful as they have. they just have been.

news news news...... lessee.

WEDNESDAY
stayed back for night study. got fucking frustrated with my class. (im sorry ya'll but i really did. 'sides this blog is for freedom of expression so hey, deal with it) as usual we couldnt decide ANYTHING. like FUCK man cmon n DO something. (once again im sorry.)
highlight of the afternoon in far east: apparently i look fucking good in a beanie. tried on a white one while with Cindy n Char, expecting to look like a retard who was wearing his socks on the wrong end, and char was pretty much like "WOW!". apparently i looked real good. they were both of the opinion that i carried it off quite nicely. in fact it apparently makes me look much more caucasian. which is ok i guess :D so now i gotta find a real nice Nike one n wear it real low, just over the top of my eyes. no prizes for guessing who im inspired by :)

after that we went back to school..... mar joined us later. (good that u did btw) slacked and slacked arnd in the hall (god the Guitar Club was ATROCIOUS. glad i quit) and then proceeded down to the library to get started.

blah blah blah.

got our work done (with plenty of faces and an extended smiling session with mar. weird but v. fun :D thanks) then went home. well me n vic went home via mar's place. who, due to her fear of lifts (dont ask. i dont quite understand either) requested that we go up with her. ok! so we did. then i went home with Vic by bus. crazy ass driver was fucking fast!!!

*for those of u who're noticing that im kinda dead blog-wise tonight... im feeling a lil confused n jaded right now. stuff going on n all. im sorry*

going back to maris stella tomorrow i THINK. not quite sure though.

fuck it. dont wanna blog anymore.

.

lazy to blog long today.

i am COMPLETELY red. me n mar look like tomatoes!! altho her nose ah. quite cute. kinda like Rudolph's y'noe :D well i think so anyhow. screw ya'll.

went to her place after school with Cindy, char, chermy and Victor. thanks for the food n the company mar! had fun n all that stuff.

i am DAMN FUCKING RED. oh well.

gnite. damn tired. had lotsa fun!!!

--sorry abt that size-of-the-book thing again to _____ (y'noe who u are) i gotta quit being a bitch--

REDREDREDRED DAMMIT!!!!

slip inside.
now that you've tried
u'll be rewarded.
your eyes will be boarded
up. coz they're the windows
to your soul
the entry
to your whole
now that we have you
darkness will creep
in. no more will you sleep.
dark things will creep in your mind
you'll feel that things follow behind.
why? you ask
there is no reason
beyond the fact that it IS
(sort of soullic treason)
dark things creep
in while you sleep
and you'll never know whats in store
nevermore.


k for some reason im a lil morbid :D

anyhow... interesting day

First off: mar n i got slandered in Chinese! she was sitting beside me n the teacher suddenly said: " hey you two can you sit properply please? sitting so close together; its like you're glued to each other or something!" wtF?? then she gave us this kinky, i-know-what-you-two-are-up-to smile. which, by the way, she continued to give sporadically throughout the rest of the lesson. which was 1 1/2 hours long thank you very much. the way she was acting it was like we were having sex under the table or something!!!!!!! (now there's an ide---- y'noe nvm :D )

oh yeah. pull ups are improving.

after school..... everyone seemed to be going to night study so i figured i'd go home. somehow i ended up at mar's place with Cindy, Mar and chermaine.. fun!! didnt really do much. but at least now i've seen the much-heard-abt mahjong room. scene of many a crime im sure :D we sat arnd for like 2 hours (more but i left at 7.20) swapping stories n stuff. pleasant time. thanks everyone for making it fun. thanks mar too for the use of ur place :D

*interesting point: apparently mar thinks her dad wouldnt like me coz im taller than him. ooooooooook. sad then :( maybe being tall aint that great*


-- oh yeah!! my mouth is like the biggest in class!!! 3 inches from top lip to bottom lip. weird huh :D --

Friends coming on. gotta go :D cya!

well well well well
what have we here?
is this the beginning
of more of my fears?

i think not!
my little small friends
rather, i say unto you:
this is the start of the end

the buck stops right here.
this goes on no more.
but hold on to your seat
there's lots more in store.

___________________________________________________________________

we shld be together!
how can i be wrong?
when when i am with you
my heart beats so damn strong?

it pounds like a triphammer
and my tongue starts tripping too
till all that i have left
is the will to look at you.

indeed that never goes away
if i had MY way i'd stare
and stare and stare and stare some more
at you. your face. your hair.

till every last shred of you
was committed to memory
so that even when we are apart
i'll have a pale shade of you to comfort me.


and there u have it.


what i wldnt give man. what i wldnt sacrifice.

anyhow. lets see wats been happening.
CJC play yesterday: not bad. pretty good actually considering the amt of time they had to practice. big up to all of them

After the play: dammit la wld have liked to go for the movie n stay over n stuff. the GOOD news is that for some reason my dad was like apologetic n all that he didnt say yes i cld! said he hoped i understood why i cldnt n all... n said that next week if something comes up n i've studied n all he sees no reason why i shlndt. so that bodes well for the future. yes indeed. (i wonder why he's softening? strange......... probably coz i pulled off that guitar exam i guess.)
anyway after the play Vic, Chermy, Mar, exo, dan, cindy and me went to town... ended up at Lido. where i eventually had to leave them. vic n cindy stayed over at mar's place (dammit i wish i clda gone. ok i'll stop whining already :D ). dunno if they watched a movie.

thats abt it la. today was just one looooooooooooong celebration for my mum, sis, cousin n grandad, who happen to have birthdays all within one and a half weeks of each other. so i've been out since like 8 this morning... only got back around 4 15.


ANNOUNCEMENT: I will have another concert on the 14th of September. (im putting this in my blog so i'll see it n remember to turn up for it :D ) so for those who PROFESSED to having a desire to have gone to the previous one, hey this's your chance to prove you weren't lying :) cmon down it shld be good. plus this time my sis'll be playing piano too. added fun.


that abt wraps it up for me today. three poems plus regular blog entry... not bad already la hor (dammit i sound like my chinese teacher. bad sign). i'll leave you with this:

Deadbolt

when deadbolts awake you from deja vu dreams,
at four in the morning you know where I'll be.
out running red lights asleep at the wheel.
the sirens feed my nightmares,

i just close my eyes and I'm already there;
its already too late.
i know its nothing but lies,
but they sound so sincere;
i find them too hard to hate.

and she calls from the doorway "stolen water is so sweet,
so lets drink in the darkness if you know what i mean"
and she calls from the doorway "stolen water is so sweet,
so lets drink in the darkness if you know what i mean"

and I'm almost sure
that I've been here before,
that this is not the first time I've stood in front of this door,
with an overwhelming feeling that i shouldn't go in,
but it seems this is a battle that i never could win.

and you!
my true love!
you call from the hilltop.
you call through the streets,
"Darling don't you know,
the water is poison."
and i say!
"come on and give me my poison."

what have i done.?
is it too late to save me from this place?
from the depths of the grave?
we all are those ..
who thought we were brave.
what have i done?
----THRICE----

fantastic intro on this song. check it ya'll.

why am i always
so stupidly stubborn
i still yet remain
so bloody dumb lovelorn

i noe that u've said
we can only be friends
but i cant stop loving u.
not till this thing ends.

so yeah u cld say
im a stupid dumb fuck.
or u be kind
and say "hey mate. tough luck"

but either way really,
it dont matter at all.
seeing you, still,
makes me feel all strange inside coz you light me up like no one else ever has.
----tim----

I've been sittin here
Tryin to find myself
I get behind myself
I need to rewind myself
Lookin for the payback
Listen for the playback
They say that every man bleeds just like me

People don't know about the things I say and do
They don't understand about the shit that I've been through
It's been so long since I've been home
I've been gone, I've been gone for way too long
Maybe I forgot all things I miss
Oh somehow I know there's more to life than this
I said it too many times
And I still stand firm
You get what you put in
And people get what they deserve
Still I ain't seen mine
No I ain't seen mine
I've been giving just ain't been gettin
I've been walking that there line
So I think I'll keep a walking
With my head held high
I'll keep moving on and only God knows why

Only God
Only God
Only God knows why, why, why, why
Only God...knows...why, why, why
Only God knows why
Take me to the river edge
Take me to the river, hey hey hey


copied the bits i thought were relevant.

anyhow. wondering what's gonna happen today. we're supposed to be meeting or something. probably i'll be the last to find out what's going on. oh well. (the perceptive ones among you may realise im not exactly at my jauntiest right now). so anw. fuck it la.

i WAS going to start this entry with "fuck everything". but my mood has improved greatly since school ended! (!!!!) sure things are still totally fucking bugging me. but hey i'm still alive right? so i better get used to it coz frm wat i've heard it doesnt let up till worms are eating at ur decaying corpse (hmmmm worms huh? spose that means one day chermaine REALLY WILL be eating me. weird. :D )

so now that i'm happy
instead of being sappy
maybe i can do something nice.
i'll make this entry ok
n find something to say
while sipping my coke (with ice)

sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet :D

school. life. guitar. music. piano. acting. one girl. several guys. God.

there that's wat's been going thru my head the last couple of days. interesting when i type it out like that. hmmmmmm.

i'm on the mrt
writing verses endlessly
trying to make u see
that u shld be with me
maybe like this, eventually
you'll finally see and be
with me for eternity.

that's just some crappy thing i did on the train this morning.

A TRAIN RIDE
I stand on the train
at 6 in the morning
its really damn early
so everything's boring
i've got a book in my hand
n rock in my ears
the day hasnt started
but already my fears
are going full ahead
they're wasting no time
already they've started
i'm no longer sublime
school, love n stress
how i'm under duress
all the time it seems
n nothing else means
anything any more
wonder what's in store
Tomorrow?


Tag boards are up again!!! yay :D (Unyay mar? :) )

almost everyone is in school right now for night study. lets see: mar, char, cindy, chermy, victor, exo, daniel, kristin (yes kristin! weird huh :D ), phoebe, fiona possibly? thats quite a bit. spose i'll have to go next week
----i've just been told that night study isn't the same without me. i'm like riiiiiiggggggggghhhhhhtttttttt :D but nonetheless i shall go sometime next week la. fan zhen its quite fun----

*spoke quite a bit to Jac today (as in frm 1t07) . she is such a nice girl! n she's ok with joking.... unlike some girls who aren't. the worst tho wld have to be the kind that just keep going on and on and on abt sex. not saying any names but a name leaps to my mind straight away. not in possession of the addy for this blog tho. rest assured all of u :D . anyhow jac's real sweet! the eventual outcome of the 1 1/2 hour talk with her was that we did that lil pinky shaking thing and swore to keep the secrets discussed. evidently jac doesnt totally despise me either. she said "we're gonna be great friends!" k-su u are one VERY lucky guy. she's a great girl. just hope one day i'm that lucky.

--i feel kind of bad.... Pauline Chua was really disappointed with my work for her Measure for Measure essay. i really gotta try harder for her. she told me to usual stuff.... i'm capable of an "A" and all that. so i gotta prove her right.--

this's a long entry
so stop if your bored
its going to keep going
there's lots more in store
keep scrolling if u wanna
hey, it might be some fun!
n i promise today
i wont talk abt someone

hahahahaha bet some of u out there are like " whatever tim". others of u are like "whatever timotit" and still others are like "whatever timsex" and then there are the others who are like "whatever dumb angmoh".... the list is ever growing. but i know its all just in good fun (or "in the name of good fun" as i think mar says. did i quote ya right? sue me if i didnt :D )

lets see what i can say
to chase the blues away
hold on they just wont go
they're playing on the radio
oh well i'll hafta stay moody
n depressed n broody.
sigh sigh sigh sigh
and bye bye good bye



WHATEVER . there i said it for ya'll :)

ho hum. hum ho. that reminds me! i had this question of comparing Angelo and the Duke from measure for measure. n i was at a complete loss as to what to write. so i wrote "Angelo and the Duke, the Duke and Angelo" . i kid you not.

*i really like Mrs Siva! i gotta get that GP prize for her. and our class has GOT TO make it to J2 with no retainees. otherwise Jean Yeow will DEFINITELY have something to say. careless comments by cowards certainly haven't helped Beji's (i can just hear it. "she ur friend izzit?" :D ) case. remember ya'll!!!*

i'll wrap this up
at least for the moment
i'll make

its a fucked up world and a fucked up place
everybody's judged by their fucked up race
fucked up dreams, fucked up life
fucked up exo with a fucked up knife
fucked up mums, fucked up dads
n its fucked up me exo wants to fucked up stab
fucked up school, fucked up day
"it aint fucked up" ? well i say "nay"

losta stuff. hold in there.

my mind is my soul. my soul currently resides in a room. and in this room there are countless tripwires... each a symbol of the stressed out nature of various facets of myself. when they break its not going to be pretty. break one, n its bye bye emotions. break another, n its tata self-control. break yet another one, n its so long schoolwork. break an additional one, and its farewell normality. but the one trip wire which is duplicated everywhere... lying across every path i have... blocking every step i take... is the one which represents the vagaries of my heart. absolutely stupid organ that it is. the source of all my worries.

very strange analogy i admit. watever.

moving on to slightly less weird things:

first of all: forgot something that came across as quite scary on tuesday.
was sitting n talking to char n cindy.... talk turned to "why guys are so hard to like" (courtesy of Cindy). and get this: both Char n Cindy figure im hard to like coz im too much of a friend. charine said im a very decent guy. n they were both generally of the opinion that i was just too good a friend to be interested in. this is TERRIBLE! i mean not that i wanna get together with char OR cindy (no offence... nothing wrong with either of u) but still! whatever. its all really quite sad.

WEDNESDAY:
walked the dogs with mar!!! very very VERY strange. both Rusty n Max have turned out to be almost EXACTLY the same as how i dreamt them. its really quite freaky. rusty is skinnier than max n a sorta whiteish colour, n max is a stately dame so to speak. thats precisely how i dreamt them. mar's grandma isnt quite the same tho. but close. just that she's taller. anyhow.... went with mar n the dogs to the botanic gardens. i ended up with Rusty... which made me nervous at first but i LIKE her! she's not as freaky as i expected... thank God (coz i was expecting a VERY freaky dog). hell i didnt even bleed or anything! i was expecting to leave mar's place with skin hanging off me n my bag torn to shreds. but no. thankfully :D
anyhow rusty is strong! n she walks way weird.
*thanks mar. enjoyed walking 'em with u. any time u wanna do it again (now THERE'S a loaded sentence :D ) lemme noe*
after that hung arnd n waited for mar coz for some reason i cldnt stay in her place while she showered. even her mum was like "huh isnt he waiting for u?" or something. like i wont peek on u mar!!! sheesh :D ----speaking of mar's mum: she called me timmy! like completely outta the blue! im not complaining (in fact i like friendliness). it was just a lil strange----
so anw. waited for mar... went to KFC with her n Victor. why u ask? coz i was going for NIGHT STUDY! yes night study. yeah yeah i KNOW i've dissed it (like DUH i noe i've dissed it) but mar asked me to go. so i started thinking abt it. n i thot oh hell i'll ask my dad n see wat he says. so i asked and Lo and Behold he said ok. so far be it from me to throw away an opportunity (just like Mister Cavour i seize opportunities :D ) so i went.
it wasnt too bad! k sure i spent the whole night making faces with mar ( u have the WEIRDEST way of miming death by being shot man. the WEIRDEST. keep it up :D ) and waving fingers with Vic. but i DID leave the session with a forteen point outline for Jean Yeow. so it wasnt a total waste.

and since i've finished with WEDNESDAY, i suppose i better move on to

THURDSAY
nothing much. the end.

:D k so there was slightly more than that.

lemme see.... y'noe i really cant remember wat happened that was significant enough. so i'll leave this bit alone. oh yeah played volleyball after school with mar, cher and victor. that was like the most significant part of the day. oh yeah i got 10 points out of 14 right. thats pretty good :D

now that i've documented the last coupla days, maybe i can talk abt some other things.
first off: i've decided that i dont give a fuck if i offend people who're reading this blog. free will still stands ya'll. click "BACK" if u dont like what ur seeing.

now that i've established that: as USUAL i'm going thru the WHOLE BLOODY FUCKING CYCLE AGAIN. its FUCKING IRRITATING. as the most advanced and civilized beings on this planet mankind shld not be subject to the vagaries of the human heart. coz its an absolutely USELESS thing. i tell u my mind is FUCKED half the time.


thats abt all i have for tonight. really tired.


OH YEAH!! ALMOST FORGOT! I GOT MY GRADE EIGHT FOR GUITAR!!! results just came in last night. n its FUCKING INCREDIBLE!!!!!! i got 90% for two pieces and 80% for the remaining one. marks like that at grade 8 are virtually unheard of. so i now have (lemme gloat n boast a while :D ) three grade 8s. one for drama, one for piano n one for guitar. not bad for a 17 year old! :D

i'll leave ya'll with this:
"One Armed Scissor"

Yes this is the campaign
Slithered entrails
In the cargo bay
A neutered is the vastness
Hallow vacuum check the
Oxygen tanks
They hibernate
But have they kissed the ground
Pucker up and kiss the asphalt now
Tease this amputation
Splintered larynx
It has access now

Cut away, cut away
Send transmission from
The one armed scissor
[x3]
Cut away, cut away

Banked on memory
Mummified circuitry
Skin graft machinery
Sputnik sicklese found in the seats

Self-destruct sequence
This station is non-operational
Species growing
Bubbles in an IV loitering
Unknown origin
Is this the comfort of being afraid
Solar eclipsed
Black out the vultures
As they wait
Unknown, unknown
Unknown, unknown, yeah

Cut away, cut away
Send transmission from
The one armed scissor
[x3]
Cut away, cut away

Dissect a trillion sighs away
Will you get this letter
Jagged pulp sliced in my veins
I write to remember
'Cause I'm a million miles away
Will you get this letter
Jagged pulp sliced in my veins
I write to remember [x3]

Cut away, cut away
Send transmission from
The one armed scissor
[x3]
cut away, cut away

cut away, cut away [x2]
----At the Drive In----

good song. gnite.

i'll drown my emotions
in a bucket of sorrow
maybe that way
i'll forget her by tomorrow.
I'm wishing n dreaming
without even seeming
to remember my heart she's permanently borrowed.

nice little bit of sentimental drivvel there to start this off :D

lotsa crap happening (not crap in a bad way la. just stuff). anyhow: lets start shall we? (or shall I rather-- y'noe wat i really shdnlt bother :D )

wat happened today? first thing that leaps to mind: conflict. second thing: JY's test. third thing: Eugene (i am NOT gay. Neither am i female) fourth thing: nvm la dont say :D

let me elucidate (kristin if ur here: hahhhahahaha)
conflict: not worth talking abt la. suffice to say i screwed up n im sorry to the person/people/strange little alien beings involved.

JY's test: surprisingly well. everyone was cramming n i just cldnt be bothered. dunno wats wrong with me these days. but halfway thru my paper (3 points plus the intro) she looked thru mine n said "you're on the right track. Good" encouraging indeed!!!

Eugene: he is an interesting guy to say the least. and the man can freestyle like FUCK. shit man it was in time n all. he's gonna be lending me some gansta rap stuff shld be cool. tupac n the like. looking forward to it.
Note: he cooked for char!! that is like sooooooo sweet. good guy there.

Fourth thing: haiyah heck la :D

lemme see.... WAS going to run after school with mar but for some MYSTERIOUS reason it didnt happen. first time ever. quite disconcerting n slightly disappointing too. she ran by herself! weird. altho later we did run with eugene. but incredibly slowly. *hope everything's fine mar.

fuck la there's like a JY test on friday. so we gotta prepare a fantastic outline for thursday. so people are staying for night study AGAIN. its becoming epidemic man. scary. oh well hope it helps all the people who're doing it. sorry if i've been offensive abt it. its just not for me. which reminds me:

----think i might have said a number of nasty things today. (hell i do all the time. but thats not the point) to everyone who was on the receiving end im sorry.----

that abt does it for today la. kinda tired.

i'll leave ya'll with this:

Out of my Head
Out of My Head Lyrics:Sometimes I feel
Like I am drunk behind the wheel
The wheel of prosperity
However it may roll
Give it a spin
See if you can somehow factor in
You know there’s always more than one way
To say exactly what you mean to say

Chorus:
Was I out of my head? was I out of my mind?
How could I have ever been so blind?
I was waiting for an indication
It was hard to find
Don’t matter what I say only what I do
I never mean to do bad things to you
So quiet but I finally woke up
If you’re sad then it’s time you spoke up too

Chorus
Repeat chorus
----Fastball----

to those who told me its by Lone Star and its called Amazed..... well it aint. i'll leave it at that :D

tata darlings

Here's something i did while i was together with this really special girl. still relevant today. history repeating itself i spose
Check it:

Strange?
Isn't it strange, you might say
How the lack of vibrations
In a tiny electronic machine,
Can cause such misery in you?
Ah, but you dont see, I'd reply.
The cause of those vibrations,
Is in my opinion the most beautiful girl
In the whole world.
So your overly clinical approach
To my heart-rending plight
Is more machine-like
Than the phone itself.
----Timothy----

Hope ya'll think that's nice.


been a strange day.
after discussion with someone i shld be according a particular event that occurred last week with much more significance than i did. looking good then!

moving on: WAS going to skip chinese. but nooooooooo. one word. FIONA. long story

wont be blogging long tonight. cant be bothered.

actually y'noe wat. thats it. cya

What am i?
Am i the sum of my parts?
am i this feeling inside
that makes me miss her
Every
single
moment?
Or am I just
A poor sod with the singular misfortune
to be born
half
chinese
half
caucasian
methinks I am
both. how's that possible?
I hear u say
well i am both one
the other
and more. I am
both the sum of my parts
a collection of atoms
feelings, emotions,
electrical responses
chemical impulses
and the workings of the human soul
but now my entire being
is inundated
with longing for her

Her you say?
pray mister do tell.
who's this girl
that makes you life living hell
and heaven at one time.
both one and the same
well now cmon folks
i cant tell u her name
suffice to say she is something else
something far beyond
what i'm familiar with
something of which im fond.
more than fond to tell the truth
this is even more than love
this is something incredible
this is something from above.

enjoy ur sunday!

very weird experience in church. well it'd strike ya'll as weird. for me its just a sign God's still looking out for me

anyhow this guy was prayin for me. n all of a sudden he asks me outta the blue "is there a very good friend of yours in school who's been bugging u lately? someone who's been getting on your nerves? but u really hold this person as a very good friend?" this of course was completely spot on. someone HAS been bugging me quite a lot. its pretty much stopped, but yeah this person's really dear but has been getting me quite edgy recently. n this guy basically doesnt noe me! (he's only been to the church abt 6 times) n he was spot on like that. without talking to me abt school at all prior to the prayer. God is good. cliche or no cliche.

*btw if this person reads this entry dont fret k. everything's fine. sorry if this pisses u off or something. love ya still!*

here's this song:

Total Immortal
Hope Unknown. Sometimes just waking is surreal.
I walk right through the nameless ones.
I know that hope's unknown.
Sometimes the water feels so real.
As I walk through it fills my lungs, my god, I'm drowning.
This day never seems to end.
This pain, never.
This rage will not let go.

I hear the calling.
I feel them gnawing out holes
through flawless souls.

So alone. Sometimes I swaer that I can hear the taunting of the voiceless ones.
I fear that I alone fear those who ceased to feel that they're alone inside this place.
I am the misplaced.
Now every face, it looks familiar...
then every face would melt away until..
Now everyone, do you know, I know your deception?
----AFI----

very good song.

i miss u
yes its true
i genuinely do
im thinking
and blinking
wiping tears away

here i am
i am NOT sam
my name is Timothy.
take it or leave it
just please, you, believe it
(cmon i've said it so simply)
i'm not a girl
my hair i dont twirl
rather i push it right back.
my work ethic's bad
that's why i am sad
and totally sick of being slack.
"today's a saturday!"
is that what i hear you say?
that's true. but still, nonetheless
I shall try to learn,
some midnight oil i'll burn
n pray that i am once more blessed.

hope ya'll like that :D

quick entry.... spose u cld call it a quickie :D

nothing much to say la.... Asian Civilisations museum trip was really pretty flat. most interesting part of the day was the series of conversations i had. wont go there.

jc's been an eyeopener
never have i had
contact with such people
the good and the bad
from the rich to the poor
t3 has them all
from the bright to the dumb
and the tall to the small.
it really is strange
Our class demographic.
(dammit how am i sposed to find a word
That rhymes with "demographic"? ah ha. Traffic :D )
this class has been
one helluva weird one
i love it to bits though
with each rise of the sun,
I'm happy to go
to that place we call school.
Happy that with friends
i can maintain all my cool.
happy for the several
Friends that i'm blessed with
that i can trust with ... well, anything
(but cant, sadly, have sex with :D)
so as i sign outta this site
and bid ya'll goodbye
i hope ur all happy
if ur not, well, -sigh-



i'll leave u with this:

Just Dont Give a Fuck
Intro: Frogg

Whoah!
A get your hands in the air, and get to clappin 'em
and like, back and forth because ah
this is.. what you thought it wasn't
It beez.. the brothers representin' the Dirty Dozen
I be the F-R-O the double G *coughing in background*
And check out the man he goes by the name of er...

Verse One: Eminem

Slim Shady, brain dead like Jim Brady
I'm a M80, you Lil' like that Kim lady
I'm buzzin, Dirty Dozen, naughty rotten rhymer
Cursin at you players worse than Marty Schottenheimer
You wacker than the motherfucker you bit your style from
You ain't gonna sell two copies if you press a double album
Admit it, fuck it, while we comin out in the open
I'm doin acid, crack, smack, coke and smokin dope then
My name is Marshall Mathers, I'm an alcoholic (Hi Marshall)
I have a disease and they don't know what to call it
Better hide your wallet cause I'm comin up quick to strip your cash
Bought a ticket to your concert just to come and whip your ass
Bitch, I'm comin out swingin, so fast it'll make your eyes spin
You gettin knocked the fuck out like Mike Tyson
The +Proof+ is in the puddin, just ask the Deshaun Holton
I'll slit your motherfuckin throat worse than Ron Goldman

Chorus:

So when you see me on your block with two glocks
Screamin _Fuck the World_ like Tupac
I just don't give a fuuuuuck!!
Talkin that shit behind my back, dirty mackin
tellin your boys that I'm on crack
I just don't give a fuuuuuck!!
So put my tape back on the rack
Go run and tell your friends my shit is wack
I just don't give a fuuuuuck!!
But see me on the street and duck
Cause you gon' get stuck, stoned, and snuffed
Cause I just don't give a fuuuuuck!!

Verse Two: Eminem

I'm Nicer than Pete, but I'm on a Serch to crush a Miilkbone
I'm Everlast-ing, I melt Vanilla Ice like silicone
I'm ill enough to just straight up diss you for no reason
I'm colder than snow season when it's twenty below freezin
Flavor with no seasonin, this is the sneak preview
I'll diss your magazine and still won't get a weak review
I'll make your freak leave you, smell the Folgers crystals
This is a lyrical combat, gentlemen hold your pistols
But I form like Voltron and blast you with my shoulder missiles
Slim Shady, Eminem was the old initials (Bye-bye!)
Extortion, snortin, supportin abortion
Pathological liar, blowin shit out of proportion
The looniest, zaniest, spontaneous, sporadic
Impulsive thinker, compulsive drinker, addict
Half animal, half man
Dumpin your dead body inside of a fuckin trash can
With more holes than an Afghan

Chorus

Verse Three: Eminem

Somebody let me out this limousine (hey, let me out!)
I'm a caged demon, on stage screamin like Rage Against the Machine
I'm convinced I'm a fiend, shootin up while this record is spinnin
Clinically brain dead, I don't need a second opinion
Fuck droppin the jewel, I'm flippin the sacred treasure
I'll bite your motherfuckin style, just to make it fresher
I can't take the pressure, I'm sick of bitches
Sick of naggin bosses bitchin while I'm washin dishes
In school I never said much, too busy havin a headrush
Doin too much rush had my face flushed like red blush
Then I went to Jim Beam, that's when my face grayed
Went to gym in eighth grade, raped the women's swim team
Don't take me for a joke I'm no comedian
Too many mental problems got me snortin coke and smokin weed again
I'm goin up over the curb, drivin on the median
Finally made it home, but I don't got the key to get in

Chorus

Outro: Eminem

Hey, fuck that!
Outsidaz..
Pace One..
Young Zee..
----Eminem----

peace out ya'll

before i forget:

JET BLACK NEW YEAR

Don't even take a breath
The air is cut with cyanide
In honor of the New Year

The press gives us case to celebrate:
These air raid sirens
Flood barbed wire skylines
By artificial night,
As we sleep to burn the red
From our bloodless lives.
Tonight we're all time bombs
on fault lines.

Have we lost everything now?
We're walking
like each other's ghosts
Around these silent streets
(the sedatives tell you everything
is alright)

Like calendars dying
at New Year's Eve parties
As we kiss hard on the lips
and swear this year
will be better then the last
Jet Black - the ink that spells your name
Jet Black - The blood that's in your veins
We say, "How long can we take this chance not to celebrate?"

There's music playing
But we dance to the beat
Of our own black hearts
And draw diagrams
Of suicide on each other's wrists
Then trace them with razorblades

Fire to flames
"Strike Match."

Burn these words from our lips
As 'The Daggar' screams
"Love is dead"
and it's a "newspaper tragedy,"

Have we lost what we love?
Have we said everything?
Does it change anything?
Stare at the clock
Avoid at all costs,
This emptiness.

Ten seconds left
until midnight
nine chances to drown ourselves
in black hair dye
eight faces turned away
from the shock:
seven windows and six of them
were locked
five stories falling
forever and ever
three cheers to the mirror
now there are two of us
can we have one last dance?
How long can we take this chance not to celebrate life?
----Thursday----

Im telling ya'll this song is fucking good. but DONT let that fool u into thinking their other songs are good. (Vic: "if we run..... far away... maybe we'll find someone/ who'll listen to our songs" :D ) Not that thursday sucks. friday n monday are actually the worst days. we finish so late n all......... bite me :)

k so i havent blogged for a lil while. to all my loyal fans out there (possibly that sentence shld be re-written as "to my only loyal fan" or even "to everyone who reads my blog, even if it is when u are left with NOTHING else to do". k enuff self-deprecation :D ) i apologise. last night i just didnt have the creative energy to blog.

lemme think for a while
about wat i've done
over the course of the last few days.
nothing, really. you see
i'm really quite slack
and quite undeserving of praise :D

on thursday.... cant even remember wat happened in school. after school i ran 10 rounds (yes 10. wipe that bloody disbelieving look off ur face bfore i do it for u!) with mar. Gillian was there but she really cant be said to have run "with" us. she sorta tried to keep up. the absoulute WORST part of that whole excercise was when gill, mar n I locked arms n skipped (yes skipped. dont push it) around the track. with like PE CLASSES, MR LEONG AND MISS GIAM AND THE SCHOOL SOCCER TEAM watching. i cld have crawled into a hole and DIED. (except that wlda made mar real happy and we cant have that now can we? :D )

if i would die
no one wld cry
in fact some wld be happy.
how sad, u say
that none wld pray.
how downright fucking nappy.
oh well, u see
im quite used to it
besides i feel the same
they ALL can die
n i WONT cry.
yeah right. course i wld. i'll stop being lame

one thing that pissed me off on thursday: was going home with mar n while we were on the bus we met matthew and aaron. (no thats not wat pissed me off. they're not that bad la :D ) now aaron's mixed... half indian and half chinese. so they call him a "chindian". ok so he can probably live with that. but then they started giving him shit abt his mixed blood! i mean cmon u bloody neanderthals. surely u can find something PERSONAL abt him to insult him abt right. to me having to resort to someone's racial mix is just plain, bloody, fucking stupid. (if ur getting the impression that im slightly upset abt this, why ur a genius. wat was it that tipped u off????) the most uncanny thing was that he reacted the same way i did before and do still sometimes now. "Bloody chinese". which is really quite sad coz we both have Chinese blood. but wat choice do we have? its ppl like those bastards on the bus that force us to sometimes ignore our Chinese heritage (which i will not deny) in favour of the part of us that is receiving the flak. the old saying abt taking people's insults n making them a part of u so they dont hurt anymore.

anyway i digress. enough of that bas negative cosmic karma floating around. we dont want that kinda energy man. like jah.

(as u may be able to tell i've snapped outta it :D )

now FRIDAY: interesting day. nothing particularly fun abt the school bit. but mar n i skipped pauline chua's prac crit lesson. we wound up at her place. not quuuuuite wat i expected. in no way less though. and MY GOD i'm in love with max. i never want to see Rusty though. she sounds like the ultimate dog from hell (mar i can see u nodding :D ) had fun looking thru pics n stuff. no WAY that photo is u mar. no WAY :D

im done with this day
its grown old n boring
I'm gonna crash now
Dont expect a warning
got some Journey tomorrow
so i need my sleep
besides,outta the guys online
Not one little peep
can i hear out of them
they're keeping real quiet
I wonder why?
maybe they're all on a diet
one so damn extreme
they're no longer breathing
(now THERE'S one way to lose weight.
coz when u stop breathing u tend to start decomposing n all.
absolute guaranteed weight loss :D )
anw ill spare ya'll the pain
of reading more crap
goodnight world!
time i hit the sack.

Every day is nothing but
stress to me
Im constantly dwelling on
how you got the best of me
Wanna noe something? I cant believe
The way u keep testing me
and mentally
molesting me.



k so i didnt write that myself. its by Limp Bizkit.... cant remember the title but its on Significant Other. to all of u who think all their songs sound the same, THINK AGAIN :D

lets see. wat happened today
oh yes we looked at shoes.
and looked and looked and looked and looked
but not one pair did they choose
(they
You say?
pray tell who are these guys)
well, you see
its mar n vickie
now you noe shopping with them aint wise :D
aside frm shoes there wasnt much
to talk abt today
oh yes. there was some shocking stuff
that happened in the lab. i SAY!
never have i felt so open
until this very morning
when my privacy was ripped away
without even a warning
now i KNOW that my world's free
n there for all to see
i shall therefore be more careful
(for example, STAYING OUT OF GIRL'S TOILETS!!!)


well thats really all i did today!! went to Queensway with mar cher n vic... n we really did just walk arnd doing nothing. *to someone - damn we shld have done wat we planned to do -wink- (if u ARE the someone who this bit is for i really hope u catch it. otherwise ur pretty damn pathetic! and im not saying ur not just coz u DO catch it either :D )

-- just read someone's blog. to this person if ur seeing this: sorry man. didnt realise that things haven't been peachy n all. being left out n all absolutely sucks. i've been a bastard. btw there's no need to mention this insert here. just remember i said it --

surely something else happened today??!!!! oh yes one lesson: mar is dangerous with ice cream cones. they have a habit of disappearing rather suddenly. either that or being returned with a mohawk :D

thats right i had a GP test today. (or rather WE had a gp te-- y'noe wat forget it) ppl were pretty shocked at how fast i was apparently. particularl mar i think, who was sitting beside me (due to the fact that YET AGAIN we did not have full attendance. fio n clara were on SC duties, char ( as usual!! gotta stop it babe) was absent (get well btw), cindy overslept n luyinza of course has withdrawn. making for a very small class. we fit at one table during recess! excluding Renjun of course. but hey the day renjun eats at a table with us is the day pigs start flying. and NO victor you getting on an airplane does NOT count. i mean flying udner their own steam :) ) so anw i spent like the first 15 mins sleeping. n then slept intermittently thruout the paper. n yet mar n i arrived at the summary at pretty much the same time. i think i might have even been slightly faster! i did finish first thats for sure. oh well. its the brains people :D -holds out bucket for pukers-

hold on.

there:

"Rolodex Propaganda"

pinch history
feel the pinch blistering
pinch me in my dreams
'cause i'm still not listening
X marks the spot
on your calendar days
a beard half eaten
smiled
crawling with legs
temper tempered temperature

manuscript replica

in infrared is how we saw
the night that lit up
scarecrow plots
the nerve that pinches
crippled hobbled
frolicked flat on its own face

jigsaw pattern
dominoes left a trail
the whites of their eyes
polaroids of the tale
for our amusement
we bring stares to the defendants
mechanical panaceas
absolved by history
phonetic paralysis
inflicted through morality
the seed that it nurtured
was a wilted bouquet
temper tempered temperature

squirming through cuts in a throat
cut it...cut it...
----Rolodex Propaganda----

(i spell that right Victor? :D )

it might not look like much. but its a FANTASTIC song.

there's marissa n cindy
Victor n daniel
Charine n exodus too
but hold on there's more
of good friends in store
if you're not here yet i'll get to you!
Chermaine n Kristin
Fiona n Nicole
and then there is Phoebe and ben
I'm most overjoyed
and really quite happy
to have all of ya'll as my friends!


And i'll leave you on that happy note.

You'll never see into my soul
Never know my complete whole
I'll never let you past the surface
Reading this might make you nervous
If so grow some bloody balls
N learn to not be stopped by walls
Rather, take flight high above
Feelings such as hate and love
In the mean time, give up on knowing
Me for sure. 'sides you'd just be blowing
Your time away. See I'm an enigma
Not to be understood. Now here's the stigma:
People think that coz I'm different
I should be so insignificant
What's with that I say?
I change 'bout every single day
Of COURSE you'll never know me fully
Of COURSE my brain aint slow and woolly
(not that I am narcississitic.
Hell I listen to Limp Bizkit.)
Basically what I'm trying to tell
Is that you'll never know me well
Unless of course you're someone unique
In that case, things might be more sweet
Heck in time I might even let you in
Tell you stuff without a spin
And if you think you are that person
Let me know. Coz I've been serchin'
----Tim----

yeah wrote that myself. for once i actually took some time with what i was writing. and this is the result. pls be gentle in your criticism :D

things are looking good! was pretty.... well freaked out n depressed dont quite count. but yeah most of u probably have a rough idea of what i mean. anw i;ve been like that a lil the past several days. its taken me this long (yeah i AM that slow ok. let it go already) to realise that everything's still perfectly ok! well of course thats an overstatement. i can think of one thing which would greatly greatly GREATLY (u getting a sense of the emphasis im placing on this? :D ) improve my life. but hey its not gonna happen. things are still pretty fucking great tho. i should be satisfied with what i have. at least this time im pretty sure its genuine. unlike LAST term (thats a hint for the person who knows what im talking about. big up to u :D )

today i was photographed in the girls' toilet in my level. yes, i kid you not. it was by far one of the scariest things i have EVER done. by FAR. (cmon get the emphasis already ya'll!!! :) ) went in with mar, char, phoebe, cindy n chermaine they were pretty fun la.
----special insert for the guys---- girls' toilets are amazing!!!! they are SO DAMN CLEAN. n there's no smell at all! (sorry. for the uninitiated - boys' toilets are absolutely disgusting. as im sure five girls in my class will be willing to testify :D ) plus they have bins IN THE FUCKING CUBICLES!! posh man. ok so i stupidly asked what they were for (the bins crackhead. try n keep up). im sure ya'll are going "DUH" but hey i didnt know they were for pads n crap like that! (when im done with mine i just flush 'em down the loo. sure :D )

epitaph to Luyinza

I'll miss your presence
strangely enough
even tho u were so silent.
You're absence will be
sorely felt
Most emotions will be violent.
You were quiet
when in class
And you never ever bitched.
Your position in our class
i know
could never have been switched.
you were YOU.
if u understand
what im trying to say.
N so dear little
Lu-yin-za
We'll miss you from today.

yeah thats right. luyinza left today. its really weird.... i talked to her quite a bit but never as much as any other girl in our class (aside from clara n renjun for... well OBVIOUS reasons) so anw... she was quiet n shy n all that. but at the same time i DID enjoy messing with her n talking to her n all. n i dare say she didnt TOTALLY despise me. (for those of u who beg to differ, hey man fuck off n cut me some slack :D ) anw.. the class bought and signed and decorated a card (thanks mar) and a muffler from Roxy for when she's in London (thanks kristin). *mar, the card was really quite good. im sure luyinza will understand and appreciate it greatly. n if it looks a lil rushed, hell man she's from 1T03 too. she'll understand!!

after school news
man im getting all formal n stuff. too much trying to formalise things when doing History work so as to make it look longer (standard trick im sure ya'll noe :D ) went running with mar. we wussed out n ran just 6 rounds. it was FUCKING hot man. plus mar n I ended up walking part of the fifth round! watever :D good effort anyhow. played bball... yes i pretty much HAVE lost my touch. am TOTALLY gonna suck on Saturday at ben's place. sob sob. (fuck man im so TOTALLY a fag. "sob sob" dammit) also ran 2 rounds with Eugene. fuck man the guy's really interesting. obviously pretty intelligent too. cool. played volleyball.... slacked arnd... ended up going back home. went to orchard with Gill mar n exo and as usual took the train from somerset :D

thats abt all there is for today i guess. i leave you to contemplate your life. ("contemplate" means "think about". thot some of ya might need that :D ) k im getting bitchy. peace out ya'll


*there thats sufficient reading material aint it? sorry bout the wait ;)

short entry.
dysentry
is all that i dont own
heartbreak
n heart ache
is the stuff that makes me moan
but watever right
its already night
tomorrow's a brand new day
so fuck the earth
i'll go thru rebirth
fuck wat they all say


hahahaha waddup :D

i have cut my hair. YES i have. got SICK AND TIRED of everyone telling me to do it. hey i dont ask ya'll to go for plastic surgery or anything do i?

k as u mite be able to tell (if u cant, put it DOWN already) this is a lil bit of a sore point. but not as much as u mite think.

nothing else really happened today
so for once i have nothing to say
oh yes i had my 2.4
it sucked. my timing was poor
out of five lil guys
i was fourth! yes despise
Me! it sucks. only one i beat was Dan
n he aint exactly the man
Exo is the guy to beat
HE's the one with flying feet
so next time we do 2.4
Im the one to look out for!

k so thats a loada crap. but hey watever :D

think i'll call it a day *to the person who's been waiting for this entry.... hey sorry longer one next time :D

i'll see ya'll round
some in school tomorrow
others maybe not
but feel joy and not sorrow
its no great los really
to not see my face
when i'm famous, hey!
it'll be all over the place!!


peace out n all that :D

i'm back at long last
now now, dont cry
i swear, the next time i leave,
i'll kiss u goodbye

Rule number one:
when one's heart is broken
do not go abroad
coz then it's only a token

of a REAL holiday
as ur time's taken up
stapling ur heart back together
(and of course every now and then u drop a piece on the floor y'noe. wastes time n all)

in case u dont noe
that last line rite there
is Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy-esque
Good book. i swear



waddup ya'll. so i'm back. dont everyone freak out at once :) yeah i noe no one cares :D

and NO my hol wasnt THAT bad. sure i was a lil messed up in the head n heart. but didnt get to me too much

heard some really good music while i was there (there being Pan Pac in JB. didnt make it to Desaru. or rather I DID but then there was a fuck up with the rooms n all. so yeah watever. so much for me getting burnt. back to the music) it was good stuff. all covers.... but they were real tight n all. surprisingly so. plus they did good music. 70s n 80s rock. b4 ya'll puke n stuff it was GOOD.

all u lil philistines out there
Korn n Limp Bizkit are great
n 70s rock's good too
cmon man. quit with the hate


'scuse that :)

wat else. sounds like i missed out on some fun on Saturday.... oh well. half the class has gone to mar's place man!!!

im looking for edge
im looking for speed
my entire being
is suffused by need

need for what?
i hear u say
need for something
to give meaning to each day

i need drive
something live
i need edge
i solemnly pledge
to do all i can
legal or banned
to obtain this thing
something more than a fling
something that counts

something black
something white
something that makes me
scared at night
something sweet
something sour
something that makes me
forget the hour
something cold
something hot
something that is
something that's not
something light
something dark
something that isnt
just a lark
something real
something serious
something deep dark n cool
something nefarious
something old
something new
something not me...
maybe you?


got the whole poetry thing going on tonight dont i.

interesting fact: y'noe how life only seems to get more and more chaotic? there's actually a scientific law for that. uh huh. The Second Law of Thermodynamics. goes something like this:
In any closed system, over time the entropy level will only increase
put in layman's terms: things will only get more n more chaotic over time. for example, all things decay. a house falls apart, trees rot, etc etc. so "life's a bitch" is scientifically proven . weird. Quantum physics ya'll. check it out. start with A Brief History of Time by Stephen Hawking. be forewarned tho: some acclaimed New York Times reviewer admitted he couldnt get past page 27. yeah its tough stuff. its been compared to the Bible for being a book that everyone has but has never read. but its worth a try.

dum da DUM
bum ba BUM
im so young
n fulla CUM

well its true!!

hahahahahaha. k so im flipping. bad sign ya'll.

its bad when im sad
but worse when im mad
im a little deranged
plus i'm already strange
bear with me awhile
sit there n smile
coz im ending this before ur eyes
y'noe wat. now's good! BYE!!

i'm off to Malaysia
so there wont be much news
for a day or two
but hey, pick and choose

from my old blog entries
they're all pretty nice
(especially that poem
about fire and ice)

dont miss me while im gone
altho i'll miss all of u
(yes ALL of u. really!!
here u go: boo hoo hoo!)

hope that when i come back
things'll have settled
n to everyone
i'm really not nettled

just a lil bit sad
but hey, its all good in the end
and to the special you
thanks for being a friend

*to the person/people who is/are being fucked up by others in their life, fuck 'em back. they aint worth shit*

** to people who're screwed up in other ways, hey man deal with it urself :) nah chill a lil **

***to everyone else (and all of the above) take care of yourselves. its all good***

to everyone who was worried
about me today
i'll be fine eventually
ya'll have a great day!


peace out

fuck. thats all i can say. n no im not pissed. just more depressed than i have ever been in my entire life. only one person reading this shld noe wat im talking bout. n i wanna keep it that way so im not saying anything. n no its no one's fault. just the same stuff happening again. funny how the mind can convinve itself of things it knows are absolutely untrue. fuck it all. im crying already.

bloggie bloggie on the net
why am i feeling so freaky?
my heart's beatin weird
n i feel peaky

she's messing with my mind
i'm telling it to u straight
more than 24/7
more like 24/8

thats right my droogs
its more than round the clock
every single goddamn day
my heart is like a flock

Of bloody birds flying away
from the scene of feasting
thats how i feel inside
like my heart is leaving

ah well i see my lot in life
is to whine eternally
for this one special girl
who MINE will never be.


and there u have it :)

:( is really more appropriate i spose

nothing much to say abt today la. just the same old same old. arms were hurting quite a bit for some reason. plus legs were stiff as hell. Drama's completely fucked. no way i can do wat they want me to (rehearsals EVERY SINGLE FUCKIN DAY FOR THE NEXT ELVEN DAYS UNTIL EIGHT OR NINE EACH NIGHT. NO WAY)

anything else? oh y'noe how sometimes a friend can have a problem that he/she tells u abt? and it affects u n all coz u feel a certain amnt of involvement in it? well yeah.. it just aint much fun is it? specially when its a REALLY painful thing. oh well.

---- to the person/people who is/are feeling particularly fucked up at the moment: cheer up. or join me. life's not QUITE as bad as u think. emphasis on QUITE. but in particular dont let things get to u. n if they do, dont let them continue getting to u. especially if they're involving ppl. just get the fuck away frm them----

nothing new on THAT. nothing at all. its very strange. one wld THINK by now something wlda happened. n honestly i dunno whether anything has. very frustrating. fucked up how often one has to actually take a risk in order to find out something rite?

'nuff said. i just wish it'd GO somewhere. like either turn into something better or go away.

"life is like a box of chocolates. u buy it and everyone takes away your chocolates, leaving you with the scummy one with a nut in the centre"

spoken with feeling considering food-sharing practices in CJC :D but true nonetheless. if one isnt careful one loses everything to "friends" (k maybe paranoid Fahy is getting to me. but the man speaks a lotta truth too)

*to everyone who is a friend (u noe who u are!) thanks a lot. appreciate everything (if anything :D ) *

its been a while/ and all this shit/ gets even worse when im with u/ i cannot blame this on another/ she's the one who does this to me/

so i modified Staind's song a lil. like sue me! :D

first off i havent updated this for several days. so be prepared for the deluge. not that MUCH has happened... but then i'm "talkative and inattentive" to borrow a phrase (more on this later) so i tend to ramble and get sidetracked. n in my current mood (tired n aching) im liable to tell anyone who DOESN"T like my style to FUCK OFF n BURN IN HELL. so dont mess arnd with me. 'least not today. mess with me all u want tomorrow.

lets see. its been 4 days since my last entry. lets start with Saturday then, shall we. (voices of dissent do i hear? well go somewhere else!!! :D )

very well.

SATURDAY

V. boring. the end.

ok so im kidding :) lemme try that again.

SATURDAY
had my last guitar lesson for a while... im stopping guitar till after promos. means my sat's are quite a lot freerer... but ill really miss guitar n my teacher. i've only had three or four ppl in my life who've really made me look at life n the way i think in a different way... n he's the number one person. anw... i played some really nice Renaisannce songs. in Mixolydian mode if thats means anything to u (k probably not. but on the ooooofffffffffff chance that it DOES... yeah :) )
after that.... oh yeah. went to Orchard n met Dudley. then proceeded to play pool. dud yer improving!! also met Jenn Wei... a regular dickhead frm maris stella. thot he was damn pro. but i beat him so yeah he aint that good :)
then i went to pick up my family's new car. which brings me to another topic. something's definitely up. my parents arent telling me anything, but the sudden downgrade of car speaks volumes (God i sound like a lit teacher. well watever). so yeah. that probably explains why my parents are all uptight. at least explains a little.
then church... same old stuff. i really really really enjoy church all the time. its really fun. ppl there are fantastic. plus (no offence) its really nice to get away frm Singaporeans for a while. n its easy to do that in church.

SUNDAY
interesting day. as one is supposed to do in an introduction (yes this IS an intro. its at the beginning. like DUH. wat are u SMOKING man? ) i shall outline the topics with which this section shall deal with. basically, sunday was about eating. big time :D
started off the morning nice n early at 8. went to Mariott for a buffet breakfast. so i was understandably stuffed! then came home, where we had invited ppl over to lunch. which meant (u guessed it) MORE eating. fun! THEN.... i had to not go study with the bunch in Orchard, rather needing to go to my friend's place where i had DINNER (yes that means more food. generally meals such as dinner and lunch INVOLVE the consumption of food) i also swam for THREE FUCKING HOURS without goggles. my eyes were COMPLETELY fucked. spent the whole evening seeing double. and used up one whole bottle of eyedrops that night. fucked up man. but oh well watever.

which brings me to:

MONDAY
fucked. completely. had my parent-teacher meeting. a lil background info. my parent-teacher meetings have NEVER been good. ever since i started school they've been VERY bad. this one was, of course, no exception. i got screwed la. my dad came down (right after PE no less. i mean how fucked up can it be? just did like 300 crunches and dunno how many diamond push-ups (yes they HURT. shlders hurting even now. then again maybe thats just me. oh no no victor was asking me to massage him today. must have affected more than me) so yeah i was all shagged n fagged. then i had to listen to Siva read out comments n all. lets see: she said my GP is good. one of the best in the level. hardly anyone got distinctions blah blah blah. she also said (somewhat surprisingly) that i think more maturely and more creatively than my classmates. i aint saying its true (then again i aint saying its NOT. read whatever u want into that :D ) but yeah i was a lil surprised. EVERTYHING went downhill after that. she said the same old crap: "its really quite shameful that he's wasting his potential like this", "he's highly intelligent, but not maximising himself", and, worse, "he's very talkative and hardly pays attention", and, of course, courtesy of that BITCH who has the audacity to call herself a TEACHER, " he has to be contantly reminded to hand in his homework". no prizes for guessing who THAT was. (look u cant be THAT thick can u? scratch that. u probably can. its my chinese teacher. right now i bet ur going "oh yeaaaaaahhhh" aint u. sheesh :D )
nothing much else happened on Monday. the above event is wat really stood out.

and since Tuesday generally comes after Monday, the next section is titled

WEDNESDAY

(k ill cut the crap :D )

TUESDAY
nothing really happened during school hours. oh yeah hold on. i was quite happy that i managed to understand the question rite for JY's test. sorry mar i thot u understood wat i said! oh well....
after school i went n ran 8 rounds with mar. fun... n good exercise too. i ran 12 rounds total today. not bad :D hope to heaven i do well for my 2.4 next week or im liable to flip. then we sorta slacked arnd school for a while.... playing volleyball n shooting some hoops... interspersed with running :D . NOTE: i've kinda lost my touch with basketball. granted every shot i got was a silent one, but there weren't enough of them. must get round to playing more. -determined look n all that- . then got changed n went back with mar.

--- to the person or people who were upset today, regardless of whatever it was, dont let it get to u. lotsa ppl are absolute bitches (or bastards. mustn't get sexist here) so yeah fuck them n dont care abt 'em either---

possibly the most interesting thing abt today: talked to Victor today. he's really a strange guy. sometimes i think he's an absolute DICK, n other times he completely surprises me. i guess he's a surprising dick then aint he :D (considering im sposed to be giving him my addy today i probably shldnt talk like that. well victor once ur here: heck la rite??!!!! :D ) yeah well... i learnt quite a bit. one thing that hit me tho: he was kinda surprised that a feeling of mine hasnt died out yet. n he basically said its pathetic. which got me thinking: yeah it IS fucking pathetic! n why on earth hasnt it died away yet?? its been FOUR MONTHS. well at least this way i know its something real n not just a passing phase.

why the fuck am i still
hung up on one girl
its not like she is
the only one in the world

but then again i guess
she sorta really is
y'see to me she burns brighter
(all the others just fizz)

i guess that is why
i'm still hung up bad
its weird. sometimes im happy
n sometimes dead sad.

oh well guess ill wait
n see what comes out
of this feeling of mine
n wat its about.

yeah that sorta sums it up.

i've got ppl asking for reading material!! under pressure here :D
i really wish some things in my life'd sort themselves out. its highly frustrating n more than a little confusing

why's it like this
i just like bliss
i dont want crap
i dont want flap
i just want REAL
the whole full DEAL
i just want her
dont needa concur
i noe wat i need
upon wat my heart feeds
i noe wat it'll take
to stop my heartbreak
i noe who i want too.
i'm clear. its YOU

kk enuff abt mysterious people (i cant even say mysterious GIRL. for all ya'll noe it CLD be a guy :D k so its not. but hey who noes these days man!!! like mar says 20% of all s'poreans are quite likely possessed of homosexual possibilities)

im sick of school
n teacher's lame bitching
im sick of the way
there's never any switching

from nagging to niceness
is it really so hard?
all those dumb lil teachers
useless lumps of lard

is it really so difficult
to, for once, SHUT UP?
is it really impossible
to SHUT THE FUCK UP?

i dunno man. maybe it is
they say "cant teach an old dog new tricks"
guess the same goes for Ms Ho. God noes she's old
and will probably always be a bitch.

k that shld wrap it up for today. ill leave ya'll with this:

Chasing Forever

Early mornin' wake up
Gently with the Caress on your hand
And that Kimono that I bought you on my trip to Japan
Sunshine peekin through the venitian blinds
Four years, and like wine, you got finer with time
I got a question, if the prodda dressin and the Gucci
All got goes, and the freeze on the Lucci
I mean real bad girl, I'm talking rougher than rough
Do you think it'd be enough if we just had us?
Don't answer quick, think about it cause I'm askin for real
Golddiggers goin' to hear this song drivin and crash at the wheel
Forever is a long time, so far we gettin along fine
No car I ever drove, no ice I ever saw
No music I ever made, ain't nothin I wanted more
We could deal with whatever together
Sunshine, all that other weather, when we chasin forever

Chorus:

I wanna stay with you forever
I wanna spend all my life with only you
I wanna stay, lets stay together
Chasing forever, with only you

Verse 2:

Chasin forever, a buckwild, endeavorous scene
Should we pursue with somethin real or just chasin a dream
Or casin' the scene
Fore I die I plan
To see your soul and eternity in the palm of my hands
Now as a man, there's certain things I'm lackin for sure
But I'm committed to growin and coming at you mature
In the future, I know it ain't gonna be all good
But when we feelin the hurt, if we willin to work
The eight ball will never turn to see us behind
Though I ain't no knight, and my armor don't shine
My mom said the lynch pin of love is trust
An taught me monogomy is uh, monogamous
Plus, for you dinner by candlelight
Now don't commit before you sure you understand me right
It's a race to a strange place, most see never
It's a chase we gotta make together, forever

Chorus

Verse 3:

Now you would think after all my heartbreaks I'd be cruel
Hiding behind my ego, evil but no
Much the contrary, I'm very much certain
You searchin for joy, it's on the other side of hurtin
Finally found a person, worthy of all
Instead of pushin me down, you wanna cushion my fall
Your eyes could make the sun rise, all the birds sing
Seal it with a kiss, bind it with a ring
More carrats than even bugs could eat in a week
An the ribbon in the sky, close your eyes don't peek
I'll tell you what I see in the future
A hacienda so cute with, five little kids callin you mom and callin me dad
Havin more good times than JJ had
Judging by the look in your eyes, you see it
Let no man sever, welcome to forever

Chorus to fade


----Will Smith----

no doubt abt it. he's definitely THE BEST. ok so Eminem shares the same glory. they're both fucking brilliant rappers. but will smith's still way cool. why'd i choose this song u ask? was listening to it today on the way to school n it struck me the chorus is quite close to wat i'd like to say to someone. go figure :D i'll leave ya'll with that n other thoughts :) peace, love, warm n fuzzy feelings.

-insert decent start to this entry here-

sorry couldnt think of anything to start this off :D

lets see. today.... was ok i guess. talked quite a bit more than's normal to Kristen. ur a very interesting person y'noe.... if u see this, God bless u ya lil minah-lian-western mix :)

aside frm that, wat else. hmmmm. i think i was a lil bitchy today. just got a lil sick of being told to shut up n of ppl telling other ppl to ignore me n all. realise i was outta line. so to those who are concerned - i really am sorry - .

moving on from that icky topic.... nothing new on THAT front (cmon we all noe wat im talking abt. the war in Iraq man! like totally!!! :D sure....... ) but yeah nothing new. if anything its in regression. which's kinda sad.
wat else can i say
abt wat happened today
i dunno. there really aint much
sure i made mistakes
(hope no one's heart breaks)
good i hang with a really great bunch

i've been thinking: how'd our class be today if Brenda was still in it? it'd probably be really different. funny how little things make a difference aint it? like the fact that Brenda left the class has made a lotta difference.

another thing that hit me. we were doing Mazzini in History today, and JY was calling him a loser and a clown. thing is, he was so serious n dedicated n obviously a very intelligent man who fervently believed in what he was trying to achieve, but just didnt have the luck or foresight to acheive it. wat struck me as really sad was that a little over 100 years after his death he's being ridiculed in History lessons thousands of miles away from where he lived out his life! thats really sad. kinda puts things in perspective. wat we do now really isnt gonna count for shit in one or two lifetimes. so we all shldnt get too hung up on stuff now. -mar, dunno if u got wat i was trying to say when i told u in the lecture. hope this's made it clearer. i hardly ever make sense i noe :D

NOTE: i DONT mean that we shld be apathetic abt life. nonono thats not it at all. just that we shldnt assign more significance than necessary to earthly matters. yeah im going all cosmic-philosophical on ya'll i noe :)

break out break out ya'll
n start something real
something genuinely new
something we'll all feel

something unique
n comepletely pure
something abt which
one's never fully sure

something which keeps us
on the tip of our toes
who's gonna invent this?
nobody knows.

there i go again. i want something REAL in my life. k so wat i want is actually out there. i just want IT. but there must be something more to life y'noe? at least i've got God. no ridiculousness intended. i really am glad i can pray to Him any time.
but still i want something. something that makes each day fresher than it otherwise is. something that makes one consider things in a different light.

give me her
or give me death
she's wat i think of
with every breath

when i wake up
the first thing i do
is to think of her.
yeah girl. i think of YOU.

it makes things easy
for my little brain
its just "think bout her!"
so there's very lil pain

aside frm the feeling
i get in my stomach
when it goes all hollow.
n then there's the heartache.

i miss her all day
wat more can i say
each day i pray
that with me she'll stay.

not bad huh? :D i'll leave it to the viewer's discretion to decide whether or not any of the stuff in that poem is autobiographical in nature.

just recieved an sms frm mar letting me noe she's leaving the house n isnt going to the Esplanade. (short note: there's a guitar thing goin on there. some outdoor concert) awwww was hoping someone'd be able to tell me how it went. oh well.
ever notice how nice it can be to receive a msg outta the blue? not necessarily an sms. a call or an email does it too. k maybe in this case im a lil bias coz its mar n all ( :D ) but still i think it holds for everyone. remember that!! it doesnt take much to make someone happy. (personally i really like the casual smile. both parties enjoy it)

hmmm wat lyrics are cool... lemme think.

got it.

here ya'll go:

CRUSHED

It's limp bizkit
And this is how we learn

You can't talk to me
You're not supposed be, in my face
So get the fuck outta my face
Why you insist?
You gotta talk that shit,
You gotta keep that dog-ass breath
All up in my face

But I remember when,
you would never lie to a friend
cause you were so high,
you were so shy,
you were so fucked up anyway

life keeps on tickin'
tickin' tickin' into the future
cause this is how we learn
somebody better stop me
or at least stop this beat
before we start getting outta hand
cause this is how we learn
and this is how we burn
somebody better stop me
or at least stop this beat
before we start getting outta hand
cause this is how we learn
and this is how we burn

you can't erase me,
I'm alive as I can be, in your face
So get the fuck outta my face
Why you insist?
just gotta turn out like this,
you're gonna burn out like this all up in my face

but I remember how
you said you want it all and you want it now
cause you were so young,
you were so dumb
you were so fucked up anyway

life keeps on tickin'
tickin' tickin' into the future
cause this is how we learn
somebody better stop me
or at least stop this beat
before we start getting outta hand
cause this is how we learn
and this is how we burn
somebody better stop me
or at least stop this beat
before we start getting outta hand
cause this is how we learn
and this is how we burn

----Limp Bizkit----

damn good song. but d/l the remiz version frm New/Old songs. much better version.

ho hum. think i better call it a day. peace out