*Salute to Alonzo Mourning, the only man (on the Eastern Conference) who's team tried to stand up to the mighty Jordan-led Bulls. Get better.


~i used to care so much. then i persuaded myself that maybe i shldnt care. and that worked for a while. but the truth has an insidious way of coming back out. so i went back to caring. only problem is, i'm not very good at things sometimes. so i made more GODDAMN FUCKING MISTAKES than i should have. but nah its not 'that' that im worried about. that's old news. havent you heard? :) so it went on, and the end of year hols started. and for some reason i thought something happened. whatever. and now it seems like we're worlds apart. can it be that the only link was school? but walking around like zombies surely cant be much of a basis for a friendship right? and yet i thought there was the.... hmmmm... possibility (?) for something that'd last. at least i sure as hell wanted to be friends with you for the rest of my life. one of those ones where they end up somewhere, sitting on a porch when they're like 80 years old, ugly as a cow's ass (:D assuming of course we arent that ugly now) shooting the shit and just talking abt the good/bad/VERY old days.


*i woke up in a dream today

speaking of dreams, last night was a weird one! very weird indeed. y'noe how they say you dream abt things u've been thinking of a lot? well its true. at least 2/3s true. the last person i have NO IDEA what she was doing in it. but it was a very very sweet dream. funny how it was about *you and *you! kinda freaky really.
looooooooong conversation, very comfortable (cept for some bizarre part abt Hawaii). felt just like the best parts of 2003.


is it true that not seeing people for a coupla weeks deteriorates the friendship? some people say yes, and some people say "absence makes the heart go fonder". personally i think "absence makes the heart go wander" is more like it in a relationship. but for a friendship? maybe maybe not.


oh well.


^i'm a ball of pain wound very tightly around an inner core of remembered bliss. if those memories could be brought back the pain would explode and disappear like so much cobwebs.

if everyone would say goodbye
perhaps then i could start
to hide away and really cry
but instead my heart

is forced to curl up in my chest
hiding it all away.
never declaring how it feels
never daring to say

a single word.



nice little bit of melodramatic nonsense there.


guys really get the lousier deal in life in some ways doncha think? example: girls are allowed to tell their friends how much they miss them but it usually just isnt right for a guy to do the same.


thank god i'm a girl then eh?

:)

**"missed me by THAT much" he said. then he turned around and collapsed on the ground, blood pouring out of the bullet hole in his chest.


i climb into my box
and dive into my soul
closing up the lid
i open up my whole

see when i am completely covered
no one else can see
the light that is inside me
now THAT'S the mystery.

coz if you wanted to see it too
you'd hafta come inside
but in that little box of mine
no light can ever hide.

its deep and dark and black in there
and no matter how hard you try to stare
you'll never penetrate the glare
of hard, unyielding black.
so you will never know me well
the truth is something i can't tell
it'll stab me in the back.

_________________________________

first you stab me in the back
then you say you're sorry
i'd try and try to stab you back
but i've got this bloody huge hole in my spine
and hence i dont move so good no more
and its ALL YOUR DAMN FAULT!


the mood's a little morbid today isnt it?
nah there's no reason for it. just the way my muse is feeling today i guess.


friendship's a very strange thing! time was when i'd say its a very bad thing. but i noe it aint. its just an awful strain sometimes.

not necessarily now ! recently i've been thinking about lotsa stuff that's happened this year that's all. and friendships have played a large part in both the highest and the absolute rock-bottom moments.

its been a roller-coaster alright!

i'd say i wouldnt have it any other way, but some of the moments i could definitely have done without.

i'll just have to work on not being a dickhead next year then wont i? :)



^^lemme noe if ya'll noe of any jobs that have flexible working hours and great pay!

tweedle dum and tweedle dee
took a walk and went to see
what was in the world today
and this is what they saw:

lies, deception, lack of trust
betrayl, small half-truths
happening to everyone
old men, small kids n youths.

"whatever shall we do, T-dum?"
"I dunno, dear tweedle-dee!
But i think we better start to lie.
Seems its the only way to be!"



and that's the sorry state of the world today.

+sure, persistence is something, and something to be admired too, at that. perseverance too. but give the hell once the point of no return is passed and everything'll just be dandy. take things beyond a point where you shouldn't and you just end up lookin pathetic.


lessons we learn in life eh?

been thinking abt doing a review-of-the-year post sometime.... think it'd be kinda interesting.

training again today... good fun! muscles didnt ache nearly as much as i expected on tuesday..... i must be getting fitter :)

one can but hope.


anw.... dead tired now. cant be bothered to blog more.


energy is what i need
but also what i lack
to continue to blog tonight.
so i'll go hit the sack.


g'nite!

and thanks dudley for telling people out there who think "g'day" is g'diiiiiieeeeeee that it isnt.

what is WRONG with you people anyway?

New York Echo!!!!


"heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllooooo!!"










"shut the fuuuuuuuuuuccccccccccccccckkkkkk up!"




yes indeed :) cant remember where i pickd that up from.

but its TRUE. tried it in Central Park once at like 11 at night. kinda freaky!


what on earth am i doing online at 1.35A fucking M?

out of the 3(??) people i feel like talking to at the moment, i caught a glimpse of one (long enough to have the nick change register), another eventually had to sleep (as most ppl do at this time of night, i must say) and the last isnt even online.

which leaves me talking to you.


lets do this:

Today in Numbers

1. the number of reasons why i went to school
3. the hours of gym training we had
1. the number of great conversations i had today
5. the number of books i almost borrowed at the library
1. the number of books i ACTUALLY borrowed
2. the number of times i blogged today
3. the number of people i've met this year that i desperately need to treasure
19999999. the number of times the above is likely to change
1. the number of movies i watched today
2. the number of people im thinking of right now
6. the number of fingers on my left hand
0. hopefully the number of people who actually fell for that


funny how fate brings us together
and tears us apart
funny how people tug at the strings
and knots of our hearts

funny how some friendships recur
despite all the pain
funny how others die
how we try hard in vain

funny how i get mixed up
confusing my feelings
funny how it feel right just to tell u
with no more false-seeming

strange how things can one second
be all bright and sunny
black and cloudy the next;
its just funny.




alright im starting up again. better go to sleep :)

*you ARE much better when you aint crabby :D and yeah no one cares how they behave any more.

fight for world intelligence, not peace!

America figures quite largely in today's post. be forewarned. and leave if necessary.

just dont go blowing any embassies up y'hear? :)


i'm reading vonnegut at the moment (yes AGAIN). this time its Breakfast of Champions. and in there he has the American Anthem.

now im a fan of the states as much as the next non-US person, but i gotta agree with him on this:
"this was [the americans] national anthem, which was pure balderdash, like so much they were expected to take seriously:

O, say can you see by the dawn's early light
What so proudly we hailed at the twilight's
last gleaming,
Whose broad stripes and bright stars,
thru the perilous fight
O'er the ramparts we watched were so
gallantly streaming?
And the rockets' red glare, the bombs
bursting in air,
Gave proof through the night that our
flag was still there.
O, say does that star-spangled banner
yet wave
O'er the land of the free and the home
of the brave?

There were one quadrillion nations in the Universe, but the nation [americans] belonged to was the only one with a national anthem which was gibberish sprinkled with question marks."

how true is that?!

oh yeah another thing.


1492

apparently that's the date taught to American children as the year America was discovered. but as Vonnegut pointed out, there were millions of people IN america BEFORE that time who were quite comfortably living their lives.

Do we honestly think they hadnt discovered the land they were sleeping, eating and hunting on?

not to mention screwing on. its very hard to reproduce without noticing the ground you're on. it has this habit of poking u in the back and stuff.



although there are some drugs i noe of that make you feel like you're floating..............

:)

but enough of that.



Kurt Vonnegut is really a pretty damn good author. strangest thing is, though, that his most famous book, "slaughterhouse-5", did absolutely NOTHING for me. didnt make me laugh, think, or feel weird at all. whereas the book that its so often compared to, Catch-22, did all 3 of those things.
but the rest of V's books are great. beyond the shadow of a doubting Thomas.

(Burgess, people?)

guess not. although if anyone recognises that name it should be YOU mar. IF you even noe which book im talking about!!!!
:)

volleyball was good today! 3 1/2 hours of gym work. now that i'm home and all i can feel the ache settling in.

tomorrow's gonna be just dandy :)
probably aint gonna be able to take one fucking step without cringeing. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

anyone out there type "bbbbbbbbbb" in the tag board i will HUNT YOU DOWN.







and then i'll go "cccccccccccccccc"

:) cmon man. you MUST have seen that one coming from a mile off!

joke:
a tourist enters the public washroom in the Vatican one afternoon. hearing strange moaning from a cubicle, he worries and kicks the door down, only to see the Pope himself inside, jacking off.
thinking quickly, the man grabs the ever-present camera hanging around his neck and quickly snaps a couple of photos.
the Pope, having put his (oh for God's sake you-know-what) away, begins to make offers for the camera and the film inside it, knowing how badly such photos wld spoil his and the Church's image.
the tourist, a clever SOB, asks for $1.5 million.
the Pope, left with no choice, transfers the money to the tourist's account the next day.

5 weeks later, the Pope is showing the camera to a second-hand camera dealer and asking how much it's worth. he tells the dealer its already second-hand, and the dealer says "well how much did you pay for it? its only worth about $160". the Pope replies "1.5 million". the dealer, whistling, says "Man, thats a lot more than it' worth. that guy must have seen you coming."



:)

alright alright alright. :D


we LOST. yeah i should get over it... but i cant. i need therapy man.

Rahul's leaving for England! that's right mate, England! he flies tomorrow. dammit la that guy's one dickhead of an Indian (no racism intended - believe me Chinese, Malays and Caucasians are ALL capable of being dickheads too) but still he's really fun.

gotta make sure i keep in touch.

speaking of which, i've fallen outta touch with QUITE a lot of people.

my bad!


*nice to noe my poems are still appreciated! and good to know that they're still half-decent. thanks for that.

"doesnt matter if you lose/ as long as you came with it/ and you can cry/ aint no shame in it"
"Just the Two of Us" - - - - Will Smith.

well.

FUCK.
we didnt make it. johnny fucking wilkinson did it again.
i mean sure, hats off to him. the man is undoubtedly brilliant. but he IS the reason why we lost.

hold on though. one question. what the FUCK was wendell sailor doing? the "oh so fantastic" convert from Rugby League MAY AS WELL HAVE NOT BEEN ON THE FUCKING PITCH. second half came around... i was like "hey where's that sailor guy?" and craig says "hmmm yeah where is h-- oh there he is" WHAT THE BLEEDING FUCK WAS HE DOING THE WHOLE GODDAMN GAME?

nothing. that's what.

tiqiri (i spell that right?) was good though. when he scored that first try i thot we were home safe.

and if we hadnt given that penalty away in overtime.... maybe. maybe.

gotta give it to the wallabies tho. they played their guts out. but only in the second half.

WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY??!!!


props to the lions, in all fairness.


there's always the Olympics next year! we're always good at that. swimming... running... jumping.. javelin... etc etc. England sucks at all that.

:)


aside from our tragic loss yesterday was pretty good. had my first lesson with my $60 an hour student and he's a good kid! knows fuck-all about guitar tho. which is great. means i can teach him longer :)

then my own lesson - finally re-started my guitar lessons with dominic. most inspirational guy i've ever met. i model my teaching exactly after his.

then another lesson with the kid in church. then church itself. good sermon! but i got the damn bad news during church.

FUCKING HELL.


hooked up with michelle afterwards (hey sweet thang ;) leave a goddamn tag for heavens' sake!) ambled around town for a while. (sorry for taking so long at HMV k :D)

new game we played yesterday.... waiting until people are just abt to take their photo before running in between the camera and the subject screaming "SORRY!"

wayyyy fun :)

oh yeah weirdest thing... there were heaps of australians wondering around. u cld tell straight off. they were all mopy and sad and stuff.. some of them were wearing the beautiful jersey too... and they all seemed to be able to recognise that i australian! there were all these looks of shared misery. i even struck up short conversations with some of them at traffic lights. there was this one bloke who was CRYING!
oh and then we walked past what's it called..... that place opposite Specialists Shopping Centre.. there were just LOADS of them. and brits too. u could tell which was which.
the sad ones were the aussies.

the white, pasty, glow-in-the-dark, "we used to own the world"-looking ones were the tea-bags.

brits, i mean.


:D


nah mustn't be bitter. the motherfuckers played well.



that's all really. its just a blooming shame that we had to lose when we'd come so far.
and i'm ashamed of doubting them too. they tried damn hard and almost, almost made it.

next time round we'll crush everyone.


hey just watched Matrix Reloaded again... interesting point: Neo shldnt have saved Trinity at all. she ends up dying anyway! in the 2nd one he shoulda gone straight from the Architect (pompous anal retentive bastard) through the OTHER damn door to the Source and dealt with Smith straight away. woulda saved a lotta damn lives in Zion.

of course we would have completely skipped part 3. so maybe it was worth it.

callous SOB aint i? :)

another thing: Neo says towards the end of Part 2, after saving Trin, that the prophecy isnt true. what is wrong with him? the prophecy said that once the One reaches THE SOURCE, the war will be over. the SOURCE y'bloody idiot. not "once the One reaches some dumb-ass faggot who insists on always wearing white and uses "ergo" too damn much the war will be over". Neo completely forgot that! he DIDNT go the source. instead he went off to save trinity.

he shouldnt have bothered!

why oh why didnt Neo read the script for Revolutions?!!!
then he woulda known it wasnt worth it. he and the architect coulda had a quick beer before he went off for his date with the might Source-dude.

the prophecy WAS true. once he reached the source the war DID end.


oh well. it made for a good third movie.

screw all you people who said it sucked.


*buttered toast is such a delight.


slip away
or run and play
it really doesnt matter
slit your wrists.
the knife u twist
and then your blood shall splatter

that about does it for today then doesnt it?

pray, everyone. pray hard.

today is a very important day.

a day of such import i tingle all over.

a day in which the world's greats will be shaken.

a day in which rivals will face off and fight.

a day of glory.

a day of tragic loss.

a day of exultation.

a day of despair.



TODAY, ladies and gentlemen, is when Australia plays England in the Rugby World Cup Finals.

TODAY is when we win.

or so i hope. so pray VERY hard.

lil johnny wilkinson,
cute as he may be,
is really gonna suck today
in the world cup of rugby.



ohhhhhhhh i really hope they win. worst part is i'll be a church while the game's on. DAMN.

nevermind.
(Nirvana?)

'ello 'ello 'ello? wat have we here?


does anyone actually believe that email about microsoft paying u heaps of money to forward stuff to people?

anw. doesnt really matter.

shout out to everyone who was interested in my previous post! glad i could make it interesting for ya. that's me. always trying my hardest.

:) right.

aaron if u see this before you leave the house today :BRING THE BEER.

oh yeah if anyone that reads this happens to be going to Australia in the near future, if you could bring me back a bottle of Tooey's that'd be fantastic.

Wallabies are gonna win SO bad tomorrow :)

I FINALLY got my guitar diploma results from London on Monday. and lo and behold, on Wednesday i got a new student, and i could AT LAST charge full price! so that's $60 bucks an hour, three times a month. you do the math.

ok in light of the possibility that you lot are fucking dumb (actually scratch "possibility". PROBABILITY :D ) its $180 a month.

sure beats working at starbucks eh? :)
$60 compared to $5.50.
HAHAHAHAHAAHAHHAAHAHAHAHA

that's all i can say about THAT. :)

qualifications...... ah how i love the sound :)

im just being a bastard. wat's new eh?

if i had a million dollars
i'd buy a damn brewery and turn the world into alcoholics

Mr Marshall for you.


if i had just one big wish
i noe just what i'd do
my wish would be, undoubtedly
to get replies from YOU!


what IS it with never replying? and yet half the time you sound like your phone controls your life :) oh well.

this entry's more like a collection of little entries. an omnibus, if you will.

Speaking of omnibuses, go check out the Jeeves omnibuses available in libraries. the author's P.G. Wodehouse. ring a bell? he's pretty damn good.

How Have My Holidays Been:
well they've been pretty good. there was this day when a cow came flying through my window, but other than that things've been fine.
and hey, steak for the next week eh?
aside from that particular airborne bovine incident, i do declare nothing's been out of the ordinary.
of course, ordinary's a relative concept. for example, i think its ordinary to have little frogs swarming through my house every instant. but YOU lot would be EATING the damn frogs! what is WRONG with you?
but oh well.

the above is utter crap :)

i cant believe at how things feel so....... different! its like one minute there was T3, next minute there isnt, and yet i dont feel weird. sure i miss them, but... i dunno. probably some of you lot feel the same way.

but then again maybe not.

steak, anyone?


or maybe frog legs.


-----------------------------------

naming a school track Douglas may be weird, but eating frogs? hell that's weirder. in my book, at least.

but hey to each his/her/its own.

isnt it funny how some cars are called "environmentally friendly" when to BUILD that car, thousands of trees hafta be chopped down to clear land, and then huge holes are bored into the very skin of the Earth, bringing to light millions-year-old resources which are then burnt, producing smoke and air pollution in order to generate electricity, to build this "enivironmentally friendly" car??

hell if that's friendly i dont wanna see hostile.

"friendly" my dorsal fin.


no i dont have dorsal fins. its just an expression which suddenly leapt to mind.

Only God knows why!


does everything that has a beginning have an end? i'm trying to think of things which are initiated but dont stop.

ah HA! one of Newton's Laws of Motion: once a force is applied to an object, that object continues in a straight line in the direction of the force applied until another force acts on it.

SO, in space, away from friction, if one applies a force to, say, a tennis ball, it will move onwards forever. and since space is infinitely large (oh come on it SO is) the ball, conceivably at least, can travel forever.

except that if space is infinitely large, there are also an infinite number of stars and planets. so the ball's BOUND to hit something.

but then again quantum uncertainty dictates that we cant tell whether the ball DOES hit something unless we actually are there to OBSERVE it hitting something.

so its quite simple! we simply claim to have "pressing engagements elsewhere", thus avoiding any appointment with observation, and we can then safely assume our heroic tennis ball is somewhere out there, bravely travelling ever onwards.

QED.

quantum physics and astronomy ya'll. go check it out, seriously.

i think that abt does it for now.
oh yeah Funky Balls is a pain in the ass! was there with aaron and jack a coupla days ago, and they WONT LET YOU DRINK BEER. personally i reckon its just coz we didnt offer 'em any :) but wth?


Medium or well-done, sir?

Peter Piper picked a pack of pickled peppers
A pack of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked
Peter screwed that pack of pickled peppers
Coz he's a fucking fag, you see. he's sick.


hahahahahahahahahaha cool innit? i was messing around today and though of that.

dammit left my com on to download stuff and i come home and its been turned off. fuck la.

oh well. such is life.

the exquisite torture of it!

i'm thinking of writing a book.

A Collection of Fragments:
Why? what the fuck happened? goddamit i need MONEY. Mary Doria Russel is a WICKED author. did Emilio ever really lose his love for God? Wat would Tolkien think of the Lord of the Rings trilogy? i know his son hates it! Deus Ex Machina - weird it pops up so often. Dan Simmons has made the best use of it so far in my opinion.

and back.

*Rowan Atkinson is a very fine actor.

lonliness creeps in my soul
eats me up, swallows me whole
subsumes my being and saps my strength
inundates the mind, twists shape and length
__________________________________

something borrowed, something blue
something hollowed, something new
another fake, another lie
and now i lay me down to die
what purpose left? what drive?
what more to keep my soul alive?
methinks purpose isnt real
some people THINK that there's a deal
which gives your life some new direction.
its just a new attempted perfection
you wind up feeling the same
lost and cold, left with a name
which no one ever wants to hear.
left alone with all your fear,
you die.


didja feel the atmosphere go all morbid and manic-depressive?

*what rough beast sloughs towards Bethlehem to be born?

Heard Keats for the first time on TV last night. the man was undoubtedly a genius. first rate. if my poetry ever gets to be HALF as good as his i'll be happy.

reaching ever upwards,
like a plant yearning for the sun
i seek to understand the works
of Him, greater than this one.


Melodrama has its place and time. just not within my fucking sphere of life IF you please.

An Observation:
CJC belongs to a special class all of its own. coming back from the interview yesterday (which, by the way, was totally rad. or perhaps as a musician i shld say "wonderfully sublime") i saw a whole bunch of Serangoon JC students. students? fuck man they look like the factory workers WE are so often compared to! bunch of bengs and lians. and yet mixed in with that sorry lot were a few who could pass off as CJ students.
"You make it sound as if being a CJ student requires some sort of je ne sais quoi!"
well it does. just WAIT a damn minute would you?
AS i was saying before i was so rudely interrupted (by myself, admittedly :D ) there were some which coulda been CJ students. then on my way home i saw some ACJC and RJC students as well.
my final conclusion is that we are NOT like SJC, PJC (THANK GOD!), YJC(ditto), NYJC, or TJC. basically we're not like any of the neighbourhood JCs. i've left out MJC coz its sorta a wild card at the moment.
on the other hand, we're not like RJC, VJC, NJC or HCJC either. that bunch is... well geeky is the nicest term i can think of. and yet even in those there are some that could be CJ students. dont worry i'll explain that!
my final conclusion is that if we are like any JC, it'd hafta be ACJC. before CJC students puke and ACJC students feel insulted, listen: we've got the attitude (well some of us do. charles... man i wont even touch that) and so does ACJC. some ppl in both JCs are FUCKING (and we're talking serious intercourse here) rich. and both JCs are reputed to have cute students. in my opinion CJ's better off. oh yeah, another sibling would be SAJC. AC's top of the bunch, but SA's like second.

its a rough hypothesis, but it was intriguing.

and now for CJC.
the most unqualifiable bunch of students ever! cocky and arrogant and (most of the time) unashamed to admit where we're from. rich, self-assured and confident. usually much more intelligent than Jean Yeow would have us believe too. so where's it come from?
CJ's like the slacker JC (do i hear "duhs"?). so students that SHOULD be in RJ, NJ n VJ and so on but were slack come to CJC. so everyone knows that they coulda done better but didnt. (of course there are the exceptions with 7 points and such that come to CJ. what the FUCK IS WRONG with you people?!!) and then orchard's right around the corner. so we own that. so on and so forth.
the end result: CJ's probably the best JC to be in! cute girls, near town, intelligent people etc etc ad infinitum. its a good place to be! coz it doesnt have the downsides that better JCs have like geeks running arnd everywhere (and sometimes multiplying!).

so there you have it. disprove it any time. i'd be interested.

DISCLAIMER: any offence other JC students take from the above is ENTIRELY THEIR OWN GODDAMN PROBLEM.

thought i'd throw that in just so everyone's happy :)

i'll leave you lot to it then.

things seem to have stopped... maybe those anonymous taggers ran out of testosterone pills.

we'll never know.

hey you noe there's like Alchoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous and stuff? you could have one for ppl that never stop talking. it'd be called "On and On Anon".

:)

i've got an interview today at some music school.. it'd be cool to be teaching more music. but i gotta admit i'm kinda scared. the pay is MUCH better though! like this company that my dad deals with sometimes... they charge $60 an hour and UPWARDS. (that means it gets MORE expensive). now of course i cant quite charge that much. but i can reasonably expect $20 or $30 at least. which is MUCH better than the shit that starbucks and mcdonalds pays.

so pray for the interview aye? :)
its at 4.30 though so i miss volleyball again. dammit i was trying to be committed.

fuck this shit with my dad. its driving me up the wall. i gotta stockpile a WHOLE LOTTA MONEY for next year. completely fucked up holidays i'm telling you. one good thing though. people who WERE going back to the states apparently are now staying. well at least some of them. good good good! stay HERE jack! :)

i wonder what on Earth happened to what was?

dazed by my life
i spiral down
and just before
i hit the ground

you emerge out of darkness
shining like the sun
you saved my life.
but does that make you the one?

i'm just not sure.

__________________________

dont ask. i dont know myself.


*fuck you.

always so paranoid. always so goddamn uptight. always ready to lash out. what the FUCK is it.

aint worth worrying over anyhow :)

its all just drifting away
i dont quite know why
but strangely enough,
im not tempted to cry

instead, i let it slip past
not really giving two cents
it aint worth it really.
"were friends". past tense.

nice little bit of rhyme there. and no it isnt autobiographical in nature.
altho it does kinda feel like things are slipping across the board. holidays are a boon and a bane.

Go check out Jeff Lowe sometime. he's really pretty rad. kinda dark stuff... but worth a look. props to Chels for that :)

some things i'd change
some things i wont
sometimes they do
sometimes they dont

is it worth it, methinks,
to endlessly fret?
crying tears on and on
leaving your face wet?

much better, one feels
to let sleeping dogs lie
and if it must happen
the friendship will die.


i aint saying nothing.

still pissed off that i didnt get the money i was told i'd receive! its sad that the Christian world is so often like that just because we're expected to not protest. right and wrong remain right and wrong, irregardless of religion. or at least they should.

although i spose right and wrong do differ from faith to faith. like for a Buddhist its wrong to eat beef right? whereas for Christians that's fine. same for pork for muslims. in fact i think Christians have the most liberal eating rules! thank God for that :)
no offence to other religions though.

gotta be sensitive these days. think about America. isnt it ironic that the only stereotype one can safely insult these days is the straight White male? that kills me.

seatbelts!

NOW i miss T3. dammit.

step up step up
to the motherfucking microphone


some people lie outta their goddamn asses! drives me up the fucking wall!

its been a while since i was in here.
"semantics/but its really good to be back/never lacing a track/just placing my rap"

anyone get that? Will Smith people!
speaking of Big Willie, i never got around to buying his latest album
same goes for Limp Bizkit's

LIMP BIZKIT CONCERT ON THE THIRD OF DECEMBER! WHO'S WITH ME! Jon i noe you are. straight down in the mosh pit motherfucker.

im sorry victor but SHORT TROLL! my GOD that's quite a good one. you gotta admit.

spate of fucking anonymous taggers EVERYWHERE it seems. bloody annoying.
Homophobes and Advocate are evidently from CJC though. which explains why they're losers.

that place will do that to you if you aren't possessed of extraordinary self-control.
which of course i am.

-ducks-

moving along... :)
skipping volleyball today. my ankle feels all fucked up. shouldnt have played ball yesterday.

oh yeah before i forget: AUSTRALIA BEAT NEW ZEALAND. coupla days late i noe. but i didnt blog on Saturday. the aussies in church (including me!) were all just waiting on Saturday night for the news. and half of us started crying with joy when we found out.

it means a lot to us.

as for the Kiwis... too bad
:)

funny thing is, most of us had no faith whatsoever in the Wallabies. i mean up till last Saturday they really had been playing rather shoddy lets face it. and then they trashed the All Blacks! way to GO!

and now England's beaten France. (i SWEAR that black guy who gut sin-binned - number 6 i think - is gay. he SO likes penis) so my fav two teams are going head to head in the finals. and we all know who's gonna win.

for all the All Blacks fans out there:

CHOKERS!!

-ducks again- its getting to be a habit aint it.

well lets see. FUCKING LIARS. $150 for my gig? bull fucking shit. i got $20. they said there was a miscommunication. so i wasted 9 goddamn hours.
ARGHHHHHHHHHHHH

but who gives a damn. quite a few cute girls were there. so yeah :)

latest development: Homophobes reveals the true depth of his stupidity by failing to pick up on the fact that i said SYLLABLES and not SYLLABUS.
this was my post ""white trash"?cmon u can do better than THAT,surely.tt 1's so old it creaks.congrats on "unrequited" tho.4 whole syllabless.u even spelt it right!" and he cldnt fucking get it.

how sad.

"homophobic?/nah you're just heterophobic/staring at MY jeans watching my genitals bulging/those are MY balls/they belong in MY scrotum/you'll never get hold of them!"

Eminem bitches and gentlemen.
(double lifting from his raps there!)

funny how easily i seem to have forgotten people! they've just slipped outta my mind. i never wld have expected it.

spose things are gone then. not even a reply! well for one week at least things were absolutely dandy. felt good to be friends and comfortable.



Project Work right? they have this question thingy u gotta do after u finish the presentation. well i liked mine, so here you go:
1. I have learnt some useful research skills.
I've learnt to compile survey results, if that counts.

2. I have tried several approaches and considered alternatives.
Well, yes, to an extent.

3. I have not given up easily when faced with difficulties.
No difficulties were faced, so this question is rendered meaningless.

4. I have demonstrated commitment to this project.
As much as any other group member, which isnt very much.

5. I have shown initiative.
Here and there.

Hell i wanna shoot MYSELF :) as char said, im a bastard.

oh, and yes, i did hand that in.

THAT is just an absolute load of shit. a crock of bull. an absolute cock-and-bull story (that is SUCH an awkward phrase)

yes ladies and gentlemen the excrement has hit the air conditioning.

Hocus Pocus, anyone?

so everything's gone full circle. apparently things are all back to the way they were. s'pose everyone's happy then!

"everyone" wld imply including me. so why do i feel so rotten?

its kinda funny... people tell you things with such cocky assurance, thinking they know everything. and they know absolute crap. and one doesnt wanna be a bastard of course, so one sits back and goes "oh" and "ok" and other appropriate mouth sounds, while inside one is laughing one's proverbial ass off at just how STUPID they sound.

but who gives a damn? so it goes.

Vonnegut, people!

char's right. a person in love is an enviable person - even if they arent gettin anything. at least it adds some goddamn ZEST to one's life. right now everything just feels absolutely dead and dreary. completely boring.

Project work always has and continues to be a farce. Oral Presentation is today - pray.


life is circle, big and dumb
and it never makes much sense
it goes and goes, always the same
leaving u n me tense


nothing really ever changes
things only SEEM un-like.
sometimes i wish my heart monitor's line
would just please cease to spike.


spose that does it for now. gotta prepare what im actually gonna SAY for that damn OP.

WHY?

im always so stupid sometimes.

alright. "always" and "sometimes" TECHNICALLY (hope you're doin alright Exo) cant be used together. but what the bloody hell .

as soon as i said goodbye it was like my mind said OK she now ceases to exist. fuck.
but even before that things were strange la.


people been feeding you stuff again?

yet another example of my mind going off on a paranoid tangent.

tangent: bloody good word

two other good words: paucity and joie de vivre.

there just came a point on friday (chinese As) when things suddenly snapped and went different. up til then it'd been great.

a joke is a joke
and always will be
unless you are dumb
and take it seriously

i cant STAND it at times
when some people do that
coz it makes things fall apart
collapse and go "splat"

_________________________
drift off to a lil world
where i can have my friends
mar and char and exo too
dudley josh and ben.

others too numerous to name
(oh aaron, u'd be there too.
jack and jessie, sweet michelle
and mark, dont you DARE go boo!)

take us all away from here
this fucking scary place
where nothing's as it ever seems
and behind all/every face

twisted evil thoughts are forming
trying to bring us down
trying to make us kiss the dirt
lie face flat on the ground.

we'll run far far away from here.
to where joy's more than a prayer
why i noe just where we'll go:
We'll head down to Australia

:D

but if u were not named above
oh for goodness' sake dont fret!
it really doesnt matter. you noe if you're my friend
some names just go better in poems. so blame your blooming parents why dont you. and i must end this with a word that rhymes with "fret" to maintain the poem's style.
wet wet wet wet wet

:)

speaking of some of you, why dont you lot ever leave tags? what, tagging too low for you white people? damn racist bastards.... :)

oh yeah ppl who've said they'll do testimonials for me! do them!

aaron jack n exo: we gotta skate sometime man. sometime real soon. aaron: lets get drunk!


that abt wraps it up for today ladies and gents. im sorry for being so dumb all the time. i dunno wat it is that makes things so damn tense with us. but you're right its been like that on and off for abt as long as i can remember. it MUST be my fault.

for once :)

how ironic!

i struggle for 15 minutes to get signed in with MSN and then there's noone there. story of my life aint it?
story of friends at least. wait/struggle so long to sort/establish some and then they disappear.


kinda defeats the whole purpose dont it?

i dont see how its possible. i really dont. all this is just so much bullshit.

oh yeah the Matrix is incredible! absolutely unbelievable movie. anyone who wants to watch it again (and again and again and again and again :D ) drop me a line. or instead of using up so much thread, leave a tag :)

we also live in a very modern age of telecommunication. you could call me or sms me!


one lost soul went off to market
one lost soul he went
one lost soul looked round for friends
and his very life he spent.


you could even send me an email!
the possibilities are endless. you could send me an email, call me, sms me AND leave a tag.

i might just not bother to reply tho. happens these days i hear :D hahahahahahahahahaha

even tho its too late now: good luck with all the ppl doing their OP today. and good luck to MY group (who needs it more than ANYONE ELSE. even exo's group :D ) on Friday.


things arent always reciprocated equally are they? u can treasure something so damn much, and yet not be anywhere near equally treasured in return. it really kinda sucks.
not talking abt anything in particular... just read the Bible and that sparked the above. the sacrifices that one can make, or the things one can do. they arent always appreciated.

i'll catch ya'll later!

FAITH
go check out the song by Limp Bizkit. the re-mixed version on New/Old Songs (thats their album AFTER Chocolate Starfish) is currently my fave. altho the one off 3 Dollar Bills Ya'll is pretty hot too.
props to mar's blog (is that fitting? or is it "props to mar"? who gives a damn :D ) for sparking that.

it goes round and round
and round and round
and before u noe it
we hit the ground



if you set yourself up to fall, dont be surprised when u wind up face first in the mud with a broken nose for fuck's sake!


seems like everything's drawing to a close. very very good i must say. HOW i am responsible for any (ok well parts of it. i didnt intentionally aggravate anything though. definitely didnt do anything coz of "ulterior motives" either. wat, u think i like seeing things messed up? no way honey. u noe all i wanna do is spank u and mess arnd with accents :D ) of it or even INVOLVED i do not noe. but i gotta say if i was one of the girls while still having played the role i did i reckon there wlda been a lot less angst.

that's probably gonna give me flak too. well what's new. besides nothing's my faulth eh? :)

oh yeah something just struck me: remember i told you abt how ppl were saying u were the cause of certain bust-ups involving me and some of the T3 girls? coz they thought u had ulterior motives? and i didnt believe one iota of it did i. even told u abt it. well.... maybe (JUST maybe. maybe i was working to my own ends. but it woulda hafta have been subconciously.) you're thinking like they were. and in this case as well, there were no "ulterior motives" (god i hate that phrase already) on my part.

spose that's sorta an attempt at a reconciliation. whatever :)


observant ppl amongst my readers (gettin possessive now aint i :D ) will notice that there are changes to my tag board. ASIDE frm the fact that i deleted one of my own tags (ill never delete someone else's). try cutting loose why dontcha :)
IF you get that.

alright i made a couple more changes. if you STILL cant notice any changes well then you are a GODDAMN FUCKING MYOPIC - scratch that. BLIND - PRICK! :)

ever noticed how when siblings play, there's always this weird thing? when one is older than the other, they'll both be going completely crazy... but then suddenly the older one will realised that "hey im old now. i shld be being mature" and he or she will quit and suddenly get all awkward? that just sucks. the loss of freedom as we get older. while we gain on one side we lose on the other.


*"Ask for me tomorrow, and you shall find me a grave man."


Odin is a fucking god from Norse mythology. He was the guy who sacrificed an eye and hung upside down from the Tree of the World (or something like that - think it was called Yggdrasil or another equally unpronouncable name) in order to gain all the knowledge in the world. how can NOBODY noe that?
char char char... its a sad world we live in :)


lots to say and no place to say it
woe, oh woe is me
so much inside i will explode.
my god, you STILL cant see?


*spose i havent had half the faith in you i should have. always gettin uptight and tense (!!) for no damn reason. fucking stupid me. hope things are still alright.

i have this brilliant knack of totally fucking things up for no reason.


today's quote is really quite easy. SOMEONE should get it. hint: i've already taken a quote from the same work in this entry. now GET IT already!

it'd be wicked to be studying with ya in australia! like i said, prime weed (:D), surfing, GREAT MUSIC! u'd find some 10 foot cute guy :) i'd find some (hopefully less than 10!!) foot cute girl. it'd be totally unreal :)


A plague on both your houses!

man. somehow i think i've lost it. again.

well lost it means 2 (sorry bout using numerals - im reading Hocus Pocus (Vonnegut anybody?) now. its getting to me) things doesnt it. going crazy and losing something. i mean both.
kinda like one of those High D'Haran (Goodkind, people?) phrases which have more than one meaning.

to anyone who thinks i mean ive "missed a chance" again, think, y'dumb fuck. if i meant that i wlda said that wldnt i? y'dont say "i lost it" when you're talking about opportunities. so rest your paranoid soul.

if you choose to interpret that paragraph as referring to you, well whoopy fucking doo for you then (that's a pretty good line, if i may say so myself). but dont come bitching to me abt it. coz for once you're probably wrong.actually not for once. cunts misinterpret things all the time.

its probably me just being a dick again but not gettin replies really really bugs me. fucking stupid i noe, and it'll piss you off, but it just does.

it hurts kinda, when people think they cant trust you. of course, if there is sufficient reason for that then yeah one cant complain. but if there isnt, well then thats just messy. especially since i trust the other party completely - and yet there have been times when i shldnt have.

interpret THAT however u want too. but like i said earlier, it probably aint for u.

not for people who noe wat "Hang with Hawaii" means either :)


i got a list
here's the order of my list
that its in
it goes reggie, jay-z, tupac and biggie
andre from Outcast,
jada, corrupt, naz and then me
but in this industry im the cause of a lotta envy
so when im not put on this list
this shit does not offend me.


personally i'd like to have a list of my own. who're my friends (at least who're the ones i consider my friends. with *you especially, it seems to be kinda lopsided. considering how u often lament the absence of true friends. im still here!) but considering the amount of unrest/ill-will/whatever it'd stir up, i'd better not.

but its got a coupla animals on it. as well as ppl that like animals in colours which God never bestowed on ANY kind of cat :) oh and some ppl who's races are totally messed up. my bball homies! ppl i skate with (big up to ya). ppl who i've frequently turned to for help.
the list (which i wasnt going to start in the first place and hence will stop right here!) goes on. well actually in this case it doesnt coz it will "stop right here!" :) but you guys are an intelligent lot. you'll figure it out.

eventually!

there are a handful of people in T3 i wld trust with my life. the other ppl i wld trust to stand by and watch as i gasp to death, and then proceed to jump up and down on my corpse.


its tough when things've always been so..... tense. uptight. jumpy. nervy. you get my point. the slightest thing makes me start wondering (?) or being paranoid (?)

i typed out a sentence completely obliviously (is that a word?) and subsequently had to delete it coz upon re-reading i realized it cld be construed as making a reference to someone. the times we live in...

today's entry, as you can probably tell (u fucking well SHOULD be able to) is abt lotsa stuff.

:)

nah seriously its abt friends and trust and all those messy issues. why? i dont know myself, frankly speaking. its just that things are really really messy in life i spose. which is fitting justification for having an entry like this.

but who needs justification anw?


leave this entry however you fucking well want. i aint really awake enough to care. but i havent set out to insult/irritate anyone. if i HAVE, well hey, seems im talented enough to do it without even trying. i should be on TV.

:)

have fun ya'll. first day of the holidays.

if i had a big big gun
i'd get it out, shoot everyone
all the ones that get me pissed
i'd shoot 10 times in case i missed.
just to make sure they are dead
i'd then proceed to crush their heads.
once this ghastly deed is done
i'd give exo the gun
"He's the one!"


:)


tally-ho good people!
no the mood isnt all bright and cheery. but it helps to act that way. sometimes one can actually successfull deceive one's self into thinking that all is, in fact, right with the world, and the planet (as i recently saw on King of Queens) is made of marshmellows.

who the fuck am i kidding?

i wish u would just kill yourself
shoot yourself with a gun
get a huge big revolver
load the bullets one by one

then write a sad sorry goodbye
wishing one and all well
(take a minute, why doncha, to think abt
wat its like down there in hell.

coz that's just where you're goin bud
they dont take jerks Up There.
they wldnt want bastards like u
fouling up the air.)

once your sad note is finally done
(like who is gonna read it)
place the gun within your mouth:
the cold. can u perceive it?

bite down hard on the big barrel
and then gently close your eyes
(if u've got the guts) you pull the trigger
Goodbye.

____________________________
fuck you
all of you
im sick of you
Ja you'll get it too
Eminem - "Go to sleep"


you really think you're the be all and the end all doncha? and i thought I was arrogant!


clever little silly rhymes
to try and make u smile
pls cmon just humour me
and smile just for a while?

it aint good to see u sad
or to see u mope and sigh
shit wont go on forever
if it does, then drop the guy.

or girl, then, i spose for that matter
lets not get sexist here
that never ever ever helps.
keep BOTH genders near.


tweedle tweedle tweedle do.
needle needle needle boo


wtf? :)

i cant believe one thing tho. it really really REALLY gets me. just which side of the field are u playing?


is it normal for one to cause someone whom one likes pain? i dunno... but personally i dont think so.


a dumb man picks a fight. a wise man wins one.

this really tickled me. its sposed to be the guys' set of rules. check it out! everything's labelled "1." for a reason :)
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it
down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining
about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments
become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry,
we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done.
Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit,
not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball,
the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know
men really don't mind that, it's like camping.

forget everything i said yesterday. i dunno wat it was but i shldnt be all paranoid.

i'll leave that to other people.


everything's one massive lot of confusion right now. i dont noe where everything is any more. coupla days ago it all made so much more sense. now im back to wondering again.

im half convinced that part of the reason for my anxiety is that now school's over i gotta start work. so i've got all the "what should i do?" and so forth worries going on. plus i'm not gonna see anyone, in all likelihood, for the next 6 or so weeks. which really is quite depressing.

and since im depressed n all my subconcious goes "alright what the hell. let's throw everything we've got at tim". its really a very schizophrenic experience :)

that idea of still being friends when we're 80 really appeals to me :) i reckon its possible!

worried if i ask too much everything'll start up again. space... thats what i gotta learn to give. space.


man goes with his son to the doctor and says "Doc, can a 12 year old remove his appendix?" doc says "well yes but there's really no reason to" man says "you hear that Tom? u put that back in right now!"

:)


been thinking abt the stuff poets say. jealousy being a green eyed monster? yeah its all that and worse. sunsets being the things of dreams? yes indeed. the crash and pounding of breaking surf? definitely the heartbeat of the ocean.

one facet of the dreadful feeling i have is, as ludicrous as it sounds, a totally inexplicable foreboding that i'm gonna lose you as a friend yet again. and i have no idea why im thinking that at all. but i noe it terrifies me. why am i feeling such weird stuff?

chinese was alright. i reckon i shld pass no worries. longest compo i can remember ever writing.

mar, get well. it must suck to be so sick. i noe it sucks to see it.

cindy, man wat a situation to be in. sounds pretty shitty.

exo, seems like things are going great. just pls for fuck's sake study for the supps.

chermy, hey you! :) hope everything's gonna work out.

dudley, i'll get it to you sometime alright? dont fret. :) hope ur game today was good!

ben, man i cant fucking believe it. guess we cant always count on luck. lemme noe how i can help.


tonight really isnt the best time to blog. im depressed at how things seem to be turning out. not for any particular reason... i've just got this bad bad bad feeling.

im sorry.

hippos sometimes dont do what you think they will. strange animals.


starting off the entry with a nice little bit of nonsense there......

:)

over-analysis leads to paralysis
cool? :) thank you thank you.
i've realised its true. been thinking abt THAT time of war and conflict.... i over-analysed EVERYTHING and ended up stuck. unable to move.


dammit la there's enough shit going on already aint there?

fat as hell and ugly as fuck sure dont produce very nice things do they?


quit being such a weirdo would ya? it'd make things a whole lot easier all round.


life goes full circle and old things become new things. how strange


please refer to the sentiments expressed at the end of last Sunday's entry. cant take this shit any more. see ya'll tomorrow. good luck for chinese for those as needs it!

and now i dont feel like the world's on my shoulders
nobody's leaning on me
coz hey, girl, u noe that it all isnt over
so just u come back to me
(to be sung to the tune of the chorus from Haile's Song)


hahahhaha i've got Eminem running thru my head these days.


yes indeed for some reason i feel utterly relieved. sometimes its good to have things mutually known y'noe? but like i said it doesnt change anything. in fact, best thing'd be if u just didnt think abt it. coz it really doesnt matter.

wld everyone GET BETTER?! :) aint good to have everyone sick.


god i told you SO MANY dirty jokes yesterday. and to think you yourself werent all that holy when u were young! that really kills me :) (speaking of borrowed books, start on A Clockwork Orange soon! its really good)

yes indeed just as it says on Cindy's blog they did trail a (really quite hot) American girl frm Heeren to taka. but like cindy said, she really didnt have hot friends. probably just trying to make her friends appear cool :D (hey mar, maybe she's like that girl u saw on Are You Hot. the one thats all like "i feel so bad when im with ugly ppl coz im the centre of attention" -PUKES-)

fuck man, some people have NO SHAME! that show... i gotta catch it sometime.


'tis indeed funny how sometimes u hafta experience something yourself before you'll believe what someone else has told you. sometimes you're just completely blinded. im just as susceptible i spose. but its good for me to remember that it happens. and dont feel dumb if it happens to you!
or DO feel dumb. who cares?

:)

alright i gotta get ready for school (!!!!!) yes indeed its 5.55 AM :D


Happy last day of school everyone..........

i act like shit dont faze me
inside it drives me crazy
my insecurities could eat me alive
but then i see my baby
suddenly im not crazy
it all makes sense when i look into her eyes



and indeed so it does. like i told ya, eye contact's important.


had a good day. everyone was in school for the first time in quite a while. so that was cool.

after school was fun. for some reason i enjoyed myself quite a bit. even tho we didnt actually DO much. but hey its the crowd one hangs with yeah?

+i trust Hippo and "fat as hell" along with "ugly as fuck" will be duly remembered "aight"? ;)


i do so wish i knew wat it is i shld do. as it is i only feel alive when... well yeah. one good thing is that i reckon it cant be a bad thing at least. which is something to be thankful for.


note: reading blogs should NOT be done as a group activity. ESPECIALLY one's own. it is just very very VERY weird.


god. to have this all come back again. wat a rush :)

once again im pissed at the lack of privacy in my own blog. time was when i didnt give a damn abt privacy any more. but now i reckon i wanna get rid of some of you voyeurs pretty snappy. there's loads i wanna say.

but i aint allowed to say it.

hippos... realised recently that they're pretty ugly creatures. even if the babies are cute. plus some of them have so much HAIR.

:)

wtf am i doin talk abt hippos. next ill be wanting to rear moose in Wisconsin. WHATEVER :D

i wonder if this is what junkies feel like when withdrawl symptoms set in? maybe maybe.


mar said something today which triggered off a train of thought: spending too much time with someone makes one bored with them gradually. i spose that's true. but then how does marriage work? (NO mar having ten husbands is NOT the solution :D ) kinda depressing.




yippy doo!

Hmm today today today. Interesting day indeed.
In fact the last week or so has been positively delightful.
But lets not start on that aight? Mite bring me places I dont wanna go right now. Still figuring a whole lotta things out.

im a little confused by everything. alright VERY confused.

things make disturbingly little sense.

funny how sometimes the entire mood can just suddenly change like that. and for no apparent reason at all. other than ones which wld probably be construed as paranoid/over-reactive/stupid!

i wonder.... evil plan being put into action or simply a return to old ways? dont set yourself up to get hurt pls! think its kinda been proven that things aint all dandy and cool. watch out for yourself!
great i sound like a nagging mother.


if i miss out on this chance i swear to God i will commit suicide.


crazy.drives-me-up-the-wall.madness,hopping with desire.beautiful.


so many things, so many questions and so few answers. life is a confusing tangled mess that i doubt ANYONE can sort out.

*glad i cld help out! great to have been there too.


im lost. confused.messed up. worried. insecure. stupidly fixated.


+thank God I found you (again). even after everything that's happened.


i reckon your theory's pretty inaccurate... :) it only applies to one case! and there've only been two! but yeah like i said... lemme noe when the next occurence is gonna take place so i can hide somewhere. safer that way :)


dont set yourself up for a fall.

toodle doo.

k admittedly thats sposed to come at the end of the entry. but what the bleeding hell aight? :)


mar what are you doing at home sick? exo what are you doing at the hospital?!!! yeah im in school and the fun ppl are either at home, at hospitals (!!!) or busy with project work. and since MY pw group has long since ceased to care, i'm left with nothing to do.
whoopy doo :D


kinda reeling from the events that have transpired over the weekend... both to do with school friends and with family. who knows where everything's gonna head? i sure as hell dont. but opportunities are exciting things indeed.

if I sit down and write a poem
this is what it'd be
no real substance, none at all
(my writing style is free)

i type and type and type and type
and type and type some more
(if you are STILL reading this now
u'd think that im a bore)

but enough of this shit. some people are fuckers
and dont deserve to live
i'll rip their guts out, eat their hearts
no mercy shall i give

people as greedy as all that
(and i aint dropping names)
are really simply motherfuckers
trust me they're all the same.

________________________
thank you
for loving me
for being my eyes
when i cldnt see
you parted my lips
when i cldnt breathe
thank you
for loving me

the song just suddenly leapt to mind :) God knows why.


i reckon that does it for now.catch u life forms (some dont deserve to be dignified with the label "humans") later.

goddamn motherfucking no good piece of HORSE MANURE


sorry everyone. but try to understand: i had a fucking long post and now i dont. stupid fucking thing.


frm now on, as has been suggested, i will do it on notepad first. coz this system is FUCKING UNRELIABLE.


cant be bothered to reproduce what i had earlier. lets start anew.

this is interesting. looking forward to how this whole mess plays out. we HAVE gotten ourselves in quite a fix havent we :)


if, like my conjecture suggests, there is punishment going on, drop the person like a hot potato. it aint worth it.


uh huh thats me. advisor/guru/psychiatrist. :)

Paradigm shift - very very cool phrase indeed :)

speaking of phrases, one which is ALWAYS used wrongly is "quantum leap". contrary to what publishers and journalists would have you think, it does NOT mean a big advance at all. go check it up in a quantum mechanics book.


i really really get sad the way things seem all messed up for ya. maybe messed up isnt the right term. but y'noe wat i mean. n forget what i said abt how i shld be laughin at your misery. thats crap :) wish i cld help.
maybe i am. i'd like to think so... even if its only stupid things like "hey its the second of november!" that distract ya frm how shitty life can be. bless ya.

+is shitty even a word?


remember we just gotta play it straight and then sit back, relax and have fun watching the confusion grow :)


dont speak
i noe just wat you're thinking
i dont want your reasons
dont tell me coz it hurts


good song!


shldnt ever pressurize people for anything. its very wrong. apologies to *you in particular!


was it worth standing up for you? i wonder.


friends, fam and lovers
wat a messy messy lot
they mess arnd with your mind a bunch
your brains go in the pot

friends will make u not think straight
and influence u no end
and just when them u start to hate
you'll remember "They're my friends!"

family on the other hand
is always pretty neat
they look after all your needs
hell some even wash your feet

lastly we come to that dreaded group
otherwise known as lovers
sometimes nice, sometimes up tight
sometimes as close as brothers

but hey the three types up above
are, in the end, really good
they provide you with all types of love
and, often, with free food


uh huh :)



u fucking little bitch. i shld rip your guts out and throw them on the floor. how DARE you.

tweedle dum and tweedle dee
took turns to look and see
out the window over there
(the one that lets in all the air)
looking to the streets below
they simultaneously said "Oh No!"

Who knows just what they saw?
they started blogging about it. what a bore!

little bit of nonsense there to start this off :)

short entry... i've got my first guitar student starting today... kinda daunting.

actually that's about all there is to say!


*the class photo is a real life-saver.

some people just make me want to puke! self inflicted crisis and so on should not be overly bemoaned. its just dumb.

oh well to each his (or her. lets not be sexist here :D ) own.

it sweeps through my soul like a forest fire
burning all in its path.
in a mighty charge it tramples all in its way
like a herd of Arabian stallions.
as pure as the black of their glossy hides
it purges my being of anything else.
inundating my mind with a fiery emotion
at once painful ecstasy and sweet torture.


"returneth it doth! Returneth indeed!"
Verily i cry unto you.
wherefore art thou of such potency
to wreak such havoc upon one
such as I, but a mere mortal.
Cry Fie for shame!
or else give myself unto this passion i must
Ere it disintegrate the very fibres of my being.


Trust me there's some meaning in there. even if only I know what it is. someday maybe i'll tell some of you. no promises though!


its wonderful when the mighty (or people who THINK they're mighty. there's an important difference. but for the sake of this paragraph this difference shall remain unexplored. for the moment) fall. when their arrogance is wiped right OFF THEIR FACES. leaving them drowning in doubt. or else not. frankly speaking who gives a damn?


the fact that once more i am entrusted with choice bits of information means that..... well who cares what it means. i shouldnt have asked anyway should I :) but im hoping (sorta against hope. but lets not get melodramatic and pessimisstic here "aight?" :D ) that i can be sure once more of friendship. its surety that i sue for in all friendships. the surety that it'll be alright to tag along.... or if not that the person'll tell you. the surety that one can have some solitude for a while without losing friends. (i believe mar you put it best when u said something abt being friends without having to talk every single fucking day). so yeah its surety that i'd love to have. of course that surety comes through long periods of trust exchanged and kept. trust held sacred. so we cant jump the gun can we? :)

but hey hope IS hope. dont diss it people!

alright before i become that most hated of beings, an inspirational guru (god the venom in some of the entries abt that Adam Khoo guy!)..... yeah where was i?

hmmm lessee...
oh yeah. PW today was a complete waste of time. abso-fucking-lutely pointless. but hey wats new right? :)
chinese was more fun than i expected. wat with cellulite and calf excercises to get rid of the HUGELY excessive fat (before u lash out think of all that "fagotty frail fingers" CRAP and stFu! :D ) . plus thanks to the efforts of the very diligent Fiona and Mar i had to do absolutely nothing! entertainment was also provided in the forms of one very fucked up girl and a donkey called exo (u cld make a movie! think abt it: From the makers of "A Fish called Wanda" comes...... . it cld work! :D )
yeah chinese was fun.

after chinese it was the rather strange group of me exo n mar that made our merry way to town (bravely flying in the face of orders frm that most holy of authoritive figures, the great aussie BP himself. i am ASHAMED sometimes to be a citizen of the same country as him. but only sometimes). so yeah i dont think i've ever gone to orchard with only those two before. exo wanted to dye his hair.... lets not go there alright? suffice to say mar and I wasted a WHOLE bunch of time with him :)
kinda fun.

*oh yeah i noticed one or two sychro-sentences (cool huh? :D ) today. now its been a LONG time since THAT'S happened indeed.

met cindy n Ian afterwards... ate at Lido.
subsequently threw up most of my lunch. only God knows why. felt fine before eating. felt like shit afterwards. which's weird too. normally i feel great after expunging whatever it is that was bugging me. oh well.

aid was provided in the form of Mar's Mandarin (:D ) thanks a bunch girl. it really helped. i didnt talk the whole way there.. sure sign of discomfort. hell i was worried i was gonna puke in the lift!
anw... got to the MJ room and slept it off.... woek up to find myself in a room of unconcious ppl. cindy n exo were asleep... leaving me with some pool tournament (damn they are GOOD!). mar had gone to the gym... making me feel guilty n fat in the process. good one :)

hmmm char showed up. nice to see u sweet thang! exo n i wrestled like fuck. bastard almost broke my right shin n thigh bone! FUN! :D whole lotta innuendo-laden talk with char too. but she always says she dont mind if its me. so ok then :)

felt fine after sleeping... made my way home with exo. god i LOVE that song! yeah anw.
tonight of ALL nights i wish i was out there.... a denizen of the night with ppl that im realising i dearly love. kinda late for some innit?! figures.

+i wanna kill the fuckers who give u cause for worry and pain. i wanna tear their goddamn hearts out. makes me shrivel up inside to hear some of the shit that happens.

some ppl are pure. not so much in a physical or even mental sense. its very hard to define. some people are just.... special. different. not naive, but wonderful.

spose that better do for tonight. hope everyone's having a great time! my life is as good as i can remember it being this year in some ways. better, even. thanks to all who've made it so. God bless every one of you.

to all who leave CJ this year
we'll still love u. have no fear.
every one who leaves the class,
will not just fade into the past.

deep in our hearts we'll keep you near
your names will whisper in our ears.
your faces we'll hold in our mind's eye
and memories will tide us by.


if only i knew what to do, i would do it ever so quickly. but i dont. and the confusion kills.


Its amazing how a little information can result in such an enormous output of conjecture.