man. somehow i think i've lost it. again.

well lost it means 2 (sorry bout using numerals - im reading Hocus Pocus (Vonnegut anybody?) now. its getting to me) things doesnt it. going crazy and losing something. i mean both.
kinda like one of those High D'Haran (Goodkind, people?) phrases which have more than one meaning.

to anyone who thinks i mean ive "missed a chance" again, think, y'dumb fuck. if i meant that i wlda said that wldnt i? y'dont say "i lost it" when you're talking about opportunities. so rest your paranoid soul.

if you choose to interpret that paragraph as referring to you, well whoopy fucking doo for you then (that's a pretty good line, if i may say so myself). but dont come bitching to me abt it. coz for once you're probably wrong.actually not for once. cunts misinterpret things all the time.

its probably me just being a dick again but not gettin replies really really bugs me. fucking stupid i noe, and it'll piss you off, but it just does.

it hurts kinda, when people think they cant trust you. of course, if there is sufficient reason for that then yeah one cant complain. but if there isnt, well then thats just messy. especially since i trust the other party completely - and yet there have been times when i shldnt have.

interpret THAT however u want too. but like i said earlier, it probably aint for u.

not for people who noe wat "Hang with Hawaii" means either :)


i got a list
here's the order of my list
that its in
it goes reggie, jay-z, tupac and biggie
andre from Outcast,
jada, corrupt, naz and then me
but in this industry im the cause of a lotta envy
so when im not put on this list
this shit does not offend me.


personally i'd like to have a list of my own. who're my friends (at least who're the ones i consider my friends. with *you especially, it seems to be kinda lopsided. considering how u often lament the absence of true friends. im still here!) but considering the amount of unrest/ill-will/whatever it'd stir up, i'd better not.

but its got a coupla animals on it. as well as ppl that like animals in colours which God never bestowed on ANY kind of cat :) oh and some ppl who's races are totally messed up. my bball homies! ppl i skate with (big up to ya). ppl who i've frequently turned to for help.
the list (which i wasnt going to start in the first place and hence will stop right here!) goes on. well actually in this case it doesnt coz it will "stop right here!" :) but you guys are an intelligent lot. you'll figure it out.

eventually!

there are a handful of people in T3 i wld trust with my life. the other ppl i wld trust to stand by and watch as i gasp to death, and then proceed to jump up and down on my corpse.


its tough when things've always been so..... tense. uptight. jumpy. nervy. you get my point. the slightest thing makes me start wondering (?) or being paranoid (?)

i typed out a sentence completely obliviously (is that a word?) and subsequently had to delete it coz upon re-reading i realized it cld be construed as making a reference to someone. the times we live in...

today's entry, as you can probably tell (u fucking well SHOULD be able to) is abt lotsa stuff.

:)

nah seriously its abt friends and trust and all those messy issues. why? i dont know myself, frankly speaking. its just that things are really really messy in life i spose. which is fitting justification for having an entry like this.

but who needs justification anw?


leave this entry however you fucking well want. i aint really awake enough to care. but i havent set out to insult/irritate anyone. if i HAVE, well hey, seems im talented enough to do it without even trying. i should be on TV.

:)

have fun ya'll. first day of the holidays.