my girlfriend sits in the cinema, slowly dying.
me and a friend have an empty, ever-winding conversation about the pros and cons, the joys and sorrows, of circumcision.
i trawl the great sea of cyberspace with the net that is my mind, looking for a cheap thrill (and simultaneously hating my treacherous mind for using that phrase). I am a drifter.
But hey, its all ok!
*******************************************
I got model scouted AGAIN today. now, you're gonna have to pardon what may come across as arrogance (i fucking well HOPE it comes across as arrogance. i always strive to be honest in my blog - and there's a confession that you'll hardly ever get from me. quick, catch it! its slipping past! missed it? HAHAHAHA you butter-fingered bastard!) but i just thought this next bit was hilarious.
Talent Agency Agent (female): Hi sir, here's my card. I work for (...)
Me: Yeah sure.
TAA: Now you obviously know you're very good looking, which is why i've approached you.
Me: Yeah sure!
doesnt that strike anyone as even slightly amusing? i've never been so frankly flattered in as long as i can remember. quite refreshing.
Plus, of course, she was definitely playing to my ego. Ah well. No popcorn being thrown from this quadrant!
That makes 4 hits within the past six months, and counting still! that's pretty damn decent actually.
+ + + + + + +
Anyway. I was thinking about THE INTERNET.
I've put in it CAPS because i wanted to grab your attention. did it work?
But i digress. (God to count the times i've had to use that phrase in this blog..... oops there i go again) Take a second to think about the net. Just what is it? Its something the entire world is plugged into, isnt it? Excluding, of course, some (but even then very few) Third World countries. We all use it, and each little country has a tag at the end of locally-hosted websites. Singapore: www.wergreat.com.sg . Malaysia: www.fuckuwerbetter.com.my France: www.ifu2fightwesurrendernow.com.fr Britain: www.waitandseewhatUSdoes.co.uk Australia: www.weshallactindependentofUK.com.au New Zealand: www.letsjustlovesheep.com.nz so on and so forth. you get the drift, the picture, what i'm getting at, my main point, my central idea.
BUT. The United States of America (peace be upon them - wldnt they love that? being blessed, Muslim-style?) doesnt do anything like that. For the States, plain .com is fine. (Ask Sun Microsystems: "We put the "." in ".com" "). Its www.wehateamericawhatrwedoinghere.com , and www.yeahdamnrightleaveyoufuckers.com and www.BushisGod.com . No overt desire to segregate for America! The whole realm of Cyberspace is theirs! No need exists to demarcate their territory. And i think that's just the way it should be.
Better America than China any day, I say. And it has nothing to do with race, contrary to what i'm sure most of you think. The citizens and government of China are inevitably all corrupt, with little or nothing in the way of morals and ethics.
interesting that American websites dont have a country-tag affixed to their addresses, doncha think? Tell me that didnt make you think.
( ) ( ) ( ) ( ) ( ) ( ) ( ) ( ) ( ) ( )
You meet the girl.
-Oh fuck she's sitting right there. Goddamn my hands are sweaty, does my breath smell? why's my hair feel weird? damn she looks good - fuck dont stare you dumb shit! what the hell are you thinking? Thinking?! What AM i thinking?! she'll never take to me. Fuck fuck fuck i'm so badly dressed i should've worn a tie. A tie motherfucker? Damn my hair's bad, why's it feel so weird, so weird, so weird. My hands are like a bloody waterworks! I'm so nervous, so nervous, so ner- snap outta it dickhead! Alright take it easy, sit down, sit down, gently, slowly, slowly - oh goddamnit and fuck it all you moron dont scrap the fucking chair you shithead what is wrong with you motherfucker you're acting like a total idiot straight outta special school just what is so wrong with you?
You meet the girl.
-Second time 'round, this should be cool, she's sitting right there, looking so sweet. I want to grab her and hold her and hug her and kiss her and touch her and smell her and - snap the fuck outta it! control yourself man, you gotta act cool and collected. This chick aint got nothing on you. Damn but she's beautiful. her eyes, her nose, those lips, those lips... THOSE LIPS! damn i've still got food all over my lips! oh very smooth shit-for-brains just what the hell is wrong with you cant you ever get anything right you moron now she's gonna think you cant even clean yourself look at her she looks so good so perfect so exquisite so unbelievably beautiful so CLEAN and you're appearing like a dirty fucking slob you bastard are you trying to ruin your chances do you really want this to work out or n-- SHUT THE FUCK UP!
You meet the girl.
-Third date...this must mean something right? Right? she probably likes me. She must like me! unless she's one of those evil bitches you read about who like string guys along just for larks the kind that play with men's hearts and have no care for how miserable this makes them feel the kind that only want a male's money but dont give a fuck about him the kind who - What the fuck am i saying? She must like me. She MUST like me. I'm dressed fine, my hair's feeling good, my glasses are sitting right, my pants are ironed - wait a second i dont wear glasses fuck fuck fuck i'm so nervous still even now i'm such a pussy what would the guys say if they saw me acting like such a goddamn wuss over some broad what is so wrong with me oh goddamnit my hands started up again they're just trembling and nervous and uncool i need a smoke. A smoke? i dont smoke!! what would she say if i suddenly lit up? You aint fucking gonna light up motherfucker you dont smoke. Right. i dont smoke. Damn but she looks so good so good so good. I cant talk. Talk you dickhead! make light conversation pretend like there's something going on inside your empty skull instead of just your brain being busy preventing you from pissing your pants TALK DAMNIT. alright fuck fuck fuck what to say what to say oh fuck and damnit i'm so damn nervous i cant talk i cant talk i cant talk what's going on how can i possibly be this lame and ridiculous fuck fuck fuc- wait she's reaching for my hand damn and fuck she'll see how wet it is oh no oh no alright get it together she's taking hand! she's TAKING my HAND. SHE'S taking MY hand. she's leaning forward oh god she looks so beautiful so good so appealing DONT STARE DAMNIT YOU LECHEROUS PIECE OF SHIT she's leaning in she's leaning in she's kissing m- .
You meet the girl.
me and a friend have an empty, ever-winding conversation about the pros and cons, the joys and sorrows, of circumcision.
i trawl the great sea of cyberspace with the net that is my mind, looking for a cheap thrill (and simultaneously hating my treacherous mind for using that phrase). I am a drifter.
But hey, its all ok!
*******************************************
I got model scouted AGAIN today. now, you're gonna have to pardon what may come across as arrogance (i fucking well HOPE it comes across as arrogance. i always strive to be honest in my blog - and there's a confession that you'll hardly ever get from me. quick, catch it! its slipping past! missed it? HAHAHAHA you butter-fingered bastard!) but i just thought this next bit was hilarious.
Talent Agency Agent (female): Hi sir, here's my card. I work for (...)
Me: Yeah sure.
TAA: Now you obviously know you're very good looking, which is why i've approached you.
Me: Yeah sure!
doesnt that strike anyone as even slightly amusing? i've never been so frankly flattered in as long as i can remember. quite refreshing.
Plus, of course, she was definitely playing to my ego. Ah well. No popcorn being thrown from this quadrant!
That makes 4 hits within the past six months, and counting still! that's pretty damn decent actually.
+ + + + + + +
Anyway. I was thinking about THE INTERNET.
I've put in it CAPS because i wanted to grab your attention. did it work?
But i digress. (God to count the times i've had to use that phrase in this blog..... oops there i go again) Take a second to think about the net. Just what is it? Its something the entire world is plugged into, isnt it? Excluding, of course, some (but even then very few) Third World countries. We all use it, and each little country has a tag at the end of locally-hosted websites. Singapore: www.wergreat.com.sg . Malaysia: www.fuckuwerbetter.com.my France: www.ifu2fightwesurrendernow.com.fr Britain: www.waitandseewhatUSdoes.co.uk Australia: www.weshallactindependentofUK.com.au New Zealand: www.letsjustlovesheep.com.nz so on and so forth. you get the drift, the picture, what i'm getting at, my main point, my central idea.
BUT. The United States of America (peace be upon them - wldnt they love that? being blessed, Muslim-style?) doesnt do anything like that. For the States, plain .com is fine. (Ask Sun Microsystems: "We put the "." in ".com" "). Its www.wehateamericawhatrwedoinghere.com , and www.yeahdamnrightleaveyoufuckers.com and www.BushisGod.com . No overt desire to segregate for America! The whole realm of Cyberspace is theirs! No need exists to demarcate their territory. And i think that's just the way it should be.
Better America than China any day, I say. And it has nothing to do with race, contrary to what i'm sure most of you think. The citizens and government of China are inevitably all corrupt, with little or nothing in the way of morals and ethics.
interesting that American websites dont have a country-tag affixed to their addresses, doncha think? Tell me that didnt make you think.
( ) ( ) ( ) ( ) ( ) ( ) ( ) ( ) ( ) ( )
You meet the girl.
-Oh fuck she's sitting right there. Goddamn my hands are sweaty, does my breath smell? why's my hair feel weird? damn she looks good - fuck dont stare you dumb shit! what the hell are you thinking? Thinking?! What AM i thinking?! she'll never take to me. Fuck fuck fuck i'm so badly dressed i should've worn a tie. A tie motherfucker? Damn my hair's bad, why's it feel so weird, so weird, so weird. My hands are like a bloody waterworks! I'm so nervous, so nervous, so ner- snap outta it dickhead! Alright take it easy, sit down, sit down, gently, slowly, slowly - oh goddamnit and fuck it all you moron dont scrap the fucking chair you shithead what is wrong with you motherfucker you're acting like a total idiot straight outta special school just what is so wrong with you?
You meet the girl.
-Second time 'round, this should be cool, she's sitting right there, looking so sweet. I want to grab her and hold her and hug her and kiss her and touch her and smell her and - snap the fuck outta it! control yourself man, you gotta act cool and collected. This chick aint got nothing on you. Damn but she's beautiful. her eyes, her nose, those lips, those lips... THOSE LIPS! damn i've still got food all over my lips! oh very smooth shit-for-brains just what the hell is wrong with you cant you ever get anything right you moron now she's gonna think you cant even clean yourself look at her she looks so good so perfect so exquisite so unbelievably beautiful so CLEAN and you're appearing like a dirty fucking slob you bastard are you trying to ruin your chances do you really want this to work out or n-- SHUT THE FUCK UP!
You meet the girl.
-Third date...this must mean something right? Right? she probably likes me. She must like me! unless she's one of those evil bitches you read about who like string guys along just for larks the kind that play with men's hearts and have no care for how miserable this makes them feel the kind that only want a male's money but dont give a fuck about him the kind who - What the fuck am i saying? She must like me. She MUST like me. I'm dressed fine, my hair's feeling good, my glasses are sitting right, my pants are ironed - wait a second i dont wear glasses fuck fuck fuck i'm so nervous still even now i'm such a pussy what would the guys say if they saw me acting like such a goddamn wuss over some broad what is so wrong with me oh goddamnit my hands started up again they're just trembling and nervous and uncool i need a smoke. A smoke? i dont smoke!! what would she say if i suddenly lit up? You aint fucking gonna light up motherfucker you dont smoke. Right. i dont smoke. Damn but she looks so good so good so good. I cant talk. Talk you dickhead! make light conversation pretend like there's something going on inside your empty skull instead of just your brain being busy preventing you from pissing your pants TALK DAMNIT. alright fuck fuck fuck what to say what to say oh fuck and damnit i'm so damn nervous i cant talk i cant talk i cant talk what's going on how can i possibly be this lame and ridiculous fuck fuck fuc- wait she's reaching for my hand damn and fuck she'll see how wet it is oh no oh no alright get it together she's taking hand! she's TAKING my HAND. SHE'S taking MY hand. she's leaning forward oh god she looks so beautiful so good so appealing DONT STARE DAMNIT YOU LECHEROUS PIECE OF SHIT she's leaning in she's leaning in she's kissing m- .
You meet the girl.
posted by Timothy at 10:42 pm
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