A mother was working in the kitchen, listening to her five-year-old son playing with his new electric train in the living room.

She heard the train stop and her son say, "All of you b*stards who want off, get the hell off now, 'cause this is the last stop! And all of you b*stards who are getting on, get your ass in the train, cause we're going down the tracks."


The horrified mother went in and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language"


Two hours later, the son came out of the bedroom and resumed playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for travelling with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one."

She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today".



As the mother begins to smile, the child adds, "For those of you who are p*ssed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please direct your complaints to the fat b*tch in the kitchen."






HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

alright so i'm loosing it. but hey i thought i'd start this entry off with some humour.

i'd tell the other one (which has gotten good results today!) but i prefer that one for individual delivery. mass-display is beneath it - it's that good.





"Sheesh man i'm constantly NOT surprised" - i just liked the way that sounded, so here it is: set to revebrate in the endless region that is cyberspace.




Oh, before i go any further, i MUST do this, or i'll give into temptation and not do it (Get thee behind me, Satan!). Joyce's blog, out of the multitude of blogs i've surveyed, provides me with the most humour. Her insights are really quite decent - a sharpeyed surgeon cutting away the layers of fat that cover so much of day to day life. and so on and so forth. The only shortcoming is that she updates very rarely. Oh, and she sometimes writes in Malay - a language on which i have only the most tenuous of grasps. I know that many of you know Joyce isn't my number one person, and she probably isnt my number one fan - anyone who was present during that fateful History lecture will have some inkling as to why things are in this tragic state of affairs - so you're all quite likely surprised at me advocating reading her blog. Think of it this way: if you DONT like someone, but you obviously appreciate something of the person's, it must be at least worth checking out right? (plus it also means i'm not an incredibly narrow-minded bastard - well not quite) so check it out. Judging by her guestbook its not the most private site around, so its www.spaceybumper.blogspot.com (someone please tell me if i shldnt do this). NOW READ IT!

Joyce, if you ever read this: much respect. Not very much love (we must, after all, be honest, mustn't we :D) but respect, indeed. And all the best.




*****************************



Alright the real Tim's back :)



I was struck by a thought, about 3 minutes ago =) i think its quite good actually.

people are like alcohol. you've got to know your limits, and how much u can take before your body rejects them.


and if you want to know who or what made me think that, well have you seen that Michael Douglas movie?? "I'll never telllllllll" :)




****************


Sexuality - a curse or a curse? or possibly *gasp* a curse??
I think that's all there is to it. Sure, there's some fun to be had outta it - but then again there's fun to be had in using heroin. (The idea here, of course, is that heroin is BAD. just clarifying).






Have you heard about the new wonderdrug?
Its a mix of Valium and Viagra. If you dont get a fuck, you dont give a fuck.






Alright i've delayed it enough: It's time to talk abt the issue of the moment. THE A LEVELS.


GP and History - 'nuff said. Mustn't dwell on the FANTASTIC BITS!!!!!!.
like i said, enough.


Lit - Ah here it starts to get interesting. I still think i'll do well, but Hard Times was laughable. But then every time i think i've done badly, i do well. So who knows? Maybe i've come to the end of my luck, maybe i havent. I suspect its the latter - my luck is INEXHAUSTABLE.

(as long as the arrogance is still ticking over, you know things are alright. its when i start shuffling around mumbling - THAT'S when you gotta look out for tendencies to jump off buildings.)

Econs - I'm still wondering whether what i wrote was right or wrong. Best part is, i wont find out till March. But i think it's alright.



Which brings me to another issue. There's this thing that happens after every single exam, and my term for it is:

Mutual Negative Reinforcement Syndrome
(Or, we're all fucking stupid, dont know anything, and thus scare the shit outta each other)


Having observed specimens in my lab (read: the CJC auditorium) over a period of time, i've noticed that there's a tendency for the following to happen:

1) the exam ends. Everyone breathes a sigh of............ something. Usually NOT relief.

2) the papers are collected, amidst the pre-MNRS muttering.

3) Students who didnt study much, turn around and start talking to each other. Careful observation has revealed that those who have studied are often quiet at this stage - usually with a smile on their faces. Telepathic reading of these subjects' minds showed the thought "Ah you poor sorry bastards. I've beaten all of you" flashing through their brains at this point.

4) Meanwhile, the students who didnt study much (for the purpose of this report, these subjects shall be labelled "Dumfucks" , and the silent ones shall be called "Smarts") are engaged in numerous conversations.

5) The Dumbfucks' chats run along these general lines: "What did you write? Oh you wrote that?" "You have to write that?" "I wrote this - did you?" "No I didnt!! Ah!!!" "but i didnt write that either!! And i completely missed out that!" "Ahhh i dont have anything you wrote! I'm gonna fail!!" "And i dont have anything YOU wrote! I'm gonna fail too!" " AHHHHH!!!"

6) The Dumbfucks, having thus mutually assured themselves of their doom viz. the exam they're just finished, shuffle morosely out of the lab. (remember, this means AUDI)

7) The Smarts, having seen the last of the Dumbfucks out the door, now turn to each other and laugh their heads off.



Analysis of the above findings reveals what i have (as you should already know, unless YOU are a Dumbfuck) termed the Mutual Negative Reinforcement Syndrome. People suffering from this have a tendency to inspire and receive fear in and from those in a similar plight around them - that is, knowing nothing themselves, they turn to others with an equal paucity of knowledge and share this nothingness amongst themselves, to the detriment of their confidence. They find out things that they didnt put into their essays from people who really shouldnt be putting ANYTHING into their essays, and because of this (and because neither party knows what SHOULD go into the essays anyway) they think they've left stuff out - which they HAVE. its called "the right answer". but they are hazy on this point.

So they all work themselves up into a tizzy.




Altogether now: DUMBFUCKS!!!






Alright time for a moment of introspection: Hands up those of us as admits to being a Dumbfuck from time to time ourselves. =)






nope, nothing on Zephyr today. the butcher's outta the Slaugherhouse for the time being. Tune in next time folks!!





Bowed down under the weight of life's waters
You sink ever deeper in silt.
Helpless and so cold, you realise this sea
Is the ocean that is your life's guilt.