Alright here's the entry dedicated solely (well pretty much) to the systematic and ruthless slaughtering of the trashy, uselessly, printed-crap-that-trees-shouldn't-have-died-for that is Zephyr. By virtue of this entry's nature, there will be no holds barred, but also, i hope, a decent measure of detachment. Since such an endeavour will doubtless inspire the hatred of many, I write it under the nom de plume of ........ Hepzibah. That's me alright!!


***short pause while i run off to get my booklet - one needs one's reference material. incidentally, how do you know a christmas card's from a leper?


His tongue's still stuck to the envelope.***



(Thomas Covenant, anyone?)


++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Slaughterhouse Zephyr

Overview

This shoddy excuse for what is supposed to be a "Literary Publication" would make Keats, Wordsworth and Chaucer turn in their graves. Ok so maybe i'm reacting a little harshly. Admittedly, there are some pretty good pieces in here. But overall, its pretty shabby.

Disclaimer: I'm sure those in the know will think this is a bad case of one of Aesop's fables. Damn straight it is! My short story wasnt great, but i personally feel my poems, at least, were definitely better than the majority of the ...... stuff ..... that's made it into this mag. I mean, little blue ants crossing a bridge two times a day? GIVE A POOR QUIVERING SOUL A BREAK PLEASE.



Let us first turn our collective critical eye, then, to Natalie Yong's "Sanctity of the Mind".
To me, it reads like a child armed with a thesaurus, but lacking any knowledge of taste and completely without literary skill. The writer here has failed to realize that simply stringing together a long line of polysyllabic words does NOT make a wonderfully-worded sentence, much like stringing together a long line of atrocities apparently doesnt make Saddam Hussein a evil man deserving of being toppled. But i digress.
The opening sentence contains the atrocity that is "an iridescence of scintillating blood-red which danced haphazardly on the garish white walls." Ladies and gentlemen, is it even POSSIBLE for white walls to be GARISH?
Here the style is like a kid with an Uzi: insecure, unsure, randomly firing and dangerous as hell - in this case reading it has the hazardous effect of making you sick.
Plus the complete lack of originality inspires nausea. The whole thing turns out to be fake - like OH MY ALLAH!!! i've never heard that one before!! Let's see: The Game, The Matrix, the Thomas Covenant series, even The Sixth Sense; all these and many many more (many ad infinitum) share this twist, in one way or another.
For me the most painful thing about "Sanctity of the Mind" was the constant attempts to sound smart by using words which were handled like hot potatoes: BADLY. The time taken to read through this ...... article ..... passed, to quote - ironically - "in languid tedium", languid only being appropriate becaused i was sitting down at the time.
(Just before i go: tears coursed copiously down her ashen face augmented by grief." AUGMENTED by grief? to me this tends to imply that the tears were not generated by said grief. Onions, perhaps? Or eye drops? ARE WE TALKING ABOUT A FUCKING HOLLYWOOD ACTRESS HERE OR THE MOTHER OF A SICK CHILD?!!!!)




Moving along.......



***to relieve the vitriol: How do you save a taxman AND a lawyer from drowning?


Shoot them before they hit the water.***




Falling: Another kind of hell.

Alright i have to say this one was decent. No marks for originality or anything, but there were intriguing elements. (You still like that word J? :D ) the one thing that bugged me though was that it seemed like Ms Wei Man had a cool new word processor and was dead keen to show it off. "OOOO look i can do this: ShE hAd FoRSAKen HiM! and it can make my words go up and down in zig zag patterns! Mummy look!!!
Aside from that, the main thing that got me was the postscript. Please, dont try and be philosophical at 18 unless you're a starving child in Africa or something. i hate to say it, but we just dont know enough about life. Because of that, we get crap like some inane nonsense about what hell is.

ITS A BURNING PLACE OF SULPHUR AND FLAME.




***at this point i've just looked back and reread the title i gave to this. "Slaughterhouse Zephyr" - anyone get that? Its borrowing from what I personally feel is one of the best books of the 20th century. Think!!***



methinks the time for this entry has ended. rest assured i will continue in my next post.



Vote Republican.