Disclaimer: Today's post will be long, disjointed, messy, and far from cohesive.

but then you've been reading up til this point anyway, havent you?

***

i recently realised that some enlightened ppl in my class have arrived at the beautiful, utterly perfect solution for religious antagonism. If you find you can't get along with the beliefs of the religions around you, why then there's nothing for it. you simply have to make up your own, and convert the willing and the feeble-minded.

ohmmmmmmmmmm.

***


no mention at all. not even one, or even a hidden one. i probably shouldn't even be looking for it, but yeah whatever. i was. so what does THAT mean, then? If you have even the slightest clue what i'm talking about, then i think you're fit to psychoanalyse me. otherwise, in the nicest possible sense.......... yeah. :)


***

twinkle twinkle little star
how i wonder what you are
floating there so near my bed
damn the weed's gone to my head.
twinkle twinkle little star
my imagination's gone too far.

***

today was about the worst exam so far outta all the prelim exams. and no, i'm not talking abt the NE exam (WHY THE FUCK IS IT A NATIONAL EDUCATION EXAM IN THE FUCKING FIRST PLACE? only the FIRST FIFTEEN QUESTIONS have ANYTHING the fuck to do with Singapore. altho i guess "Three-Eighths-National Education Exam" is a slightly cumbersome title).

in other ways, though, it wasn't that bad. felt like a pretty damn good day :) the disappearing act was a little unnerving, for a second or two. hope that picture went thru. i actually think its a pretty incredibly artistic one.

***

cucumber cucumber so cumbersome
the sight makes me feel ever so slumbersome
and yeah yeah i know
there's no such word. So?
my God you people are troublesome.



(hahahahahahahha i almost didnt know how i was gonna get outta that one. how many fucking words are there to rhyme with "cumbersome" anyway?!)

***

when love and hate collide
and humans are the casualties
when illusion conquers all
and covers all realities
when right and wrong collude
and the world is full of death
when air becomes like stone
and you draw your final breath,
there i'll be, laughing.

***

I was wondering if one day all of us will look back and despise ourselves as we are now. its hard to imagine, but i'm sure there'll be ones amongst our number who will. i know i've felt intense moments of self-loathing - hard as it may be for many of you to believe, what with my eternally-present cloak of narcissism - myself. but then again on the whole i havent felt any hate for any one period of my life.
(far too many "any"s in that last sentence. i'm very, very painfully, aware.)

***

been wanting to record this particular bit for posterity (isn't it funny that "posterity" and "posterior" are so similarly spelt?) but havent been back recently enough:

Just because a teacher hasnt said something similarly glorious about your particular class deity doesnt mean jack - or shit. its simple pure muleheadedness to believe that this teacher not saying it about your local goddess doesnt mean she cannot and never will say it about someone else - this particular idol of yours really isn't the be all and end all of the world. i just hope you're quite aware of that.
it was also particularly interesting to note that this teacher actually DIDN'T say it about my chief rival-in-jest. i'd always thought she had. so does that make me the only one she said it about? Does it does it does it?! =)

(For those who are wondering, the scene was a dark and empty room, filled with glowing green cabbages, which floated around in a most spooky manner, giving off the most abominable scent of, well, glowing green cabbages. RIGHT.)


(oh alright. it was actually a fastfood restaurant. and there WERE green cabbages - well lettuce actually. but who's counting? no one, exactly :D and i said something about me, and this other guy said "No cannot be that's crap. __'s never said that about anyone, even _____" so i got really really pissed. to call me a barefaced liar in front of me? why, the GALL! =)


the other utterly hilarious thing was that after placating me with - what else - green cabbages (which were actually lettuces. and no they weren't glowing.) he then went on to wax lyrical (RIGHT) about the sheer divine power of a certain someone's GP ability. naturally, i was miffed, because he wasn't waxing lyrical about ME. hahahaha.
but nah, i wasn't miffed because he wasnt talking about me. it was for two other reasons:
1) she really isn't that good. definitely above average - superb, even - but not the sublime manipulator of the English language she was made out to be, and
2) I'm a firm believer in the idea that people shouldn't be so looked-up to. sure its good to have someone to turn to; idolising someone to the point i witnessed that day, however... uh uh. not for me. and i get sad when i see people say that things another can do are beyond them, when in fact they really are. Sure if you're a paralegic and you say you can't swim the 100m freestyle, i'd understand. but otherwise (AND OBVIOUSLY I DON'T JUST MEAN PARAPLEGICS) dont be so damn negative.



you may be able to tell that i feel quite strongly about all of this.



and no, he didnt really placate me with cabbages OR lettuce.

***


Did you hear about the paraplegic who had to turn back after swimming halfway across the English Channel?


Poor bloke didnt have a choice: His ears got tired.




(Before some of you get miffed: i heard that one from a paraplegic himself. I admire the most people who are able to take the piss outta the negativities of their own lives. Therein lies true bravery, courage, and determination. Plus, its a fucking good joke :D)


***


the sky falls dark and cloudy, overcast
you fall to the ground in tears.
the clouds cover all with hues of black
you succumb to similar fears.
the depths of the night hold too many secrets
you shy away from their cold
yet still they grasp and tug at you
ever-tightening their hold.
a voice whispers from behind
'Look within and you'll be free"
Falling prey to this simple plot, you look inside
and you see me.

***


Personally i never got the phrase "Poetry in motion". that phrase - in my mind - just gives rise to nightmarish images of words running amok. People say things like "Oh by Jove that dance was poetry in motion!" (Usually while sipping after-performance champagne and nibbling on (what else?!) nibblies - all the while wrapped in real expensive scarves - i was gonna say "all the while the women being wrapped in shawls" but these days the lines are terribly blurred) and to me that just isnt the best analogy in the world.


***

smoke forms like tendrils of death
floating there so effortlessly in air
suddenly it coalesces, forming the shape
of all your heart's fear laid out bare.
you shiver and watch, as the smoke takes its form
you heart pounding and pumping away.
suddenly the smoke forms a mouth, and out of its maw
these words you hear it then say:
"Your fear is a snake that you hold in your heart
Like a pet that you loathe and despise
and yet strangely you love it, you need it, can't leave it
Because fear is your need in disguise."
You listen to this and you fiercely deny
That which you know is the truth.
Suddenly your chest bursts, and out comes a snake
Now you no longer have need of more proof.



(I'd finished with this post already, but then found this in an entry that was 50 posts ago, at least. so here it is. i thought i'd like it, for nostalgia's sake:

i don't care what they're all saying
won't listen to the lies they're playing
just watch the friendships they're fraying
i still think you're wonderful.



uh huh =) )


Dark dark verses with much depth
verses which live in the gloaming.
Spawn of my mind, the scion of gods;
the intellect keeps ever roaming.