Performing is a drug

Once again, its been far far far too long. There's always so much going on in my head, and this blog, which was once a massive river of my outpourings, has now dwindled to something of a gurgling gully. A metaphor which is really rather apt.

Here's to smashing down dams then!



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Yes indeed, performing is the ultimate head trip. There's the anticipation, the rush, the crash afterwards, the elation........ only thing is, it DOESN'T cost a bomb, and it won't land you in jail - nude exhibitionists excluded, naturally.


Yesterday I had my first acting performance, and it was at the Esplanade Concert Hall, no less! I still have the pass to prove it :) But my GOD it was such an experience. The dressing rooms, with their mirrors ringed with lights; the corridors, with people rushing around in various stages of dress; the backstage area, where everyone waits with their breath slightly held; the area behind the organ loft where I waited, alone except for a stagehand, with naught but a flashlight to hold pitch blackness at bay (I was the extremely dramatic and apparently rather effective speaker for the work "Of Sailors and Whales" by McBeth); the sheer NERVES before walking through the door; the thrill of having a spotlight trained on my figure, and knowing that all eyes were on me - an almost physical sensation.

I was playing with the Singapore Philharmonic Winds Orchestra, just in case anyone's wondering what it was all about.


The biggest rush must have been when the conductor, after bowing himself, selected me to be the first recipient of applause, and to be the first to bow after him. Quite an honour, if I may say so myself! But the cheers and the swell in the applause for me was intoxicating. Lest you think I deceived myself into thinking I heard what simply wasn't there, I didn't dare to believe it myself until people in the audience told me it genuinely happened.


I guess they must have thought I was alright :)


Doing my first professional acting gig - even if it wasn't necessarily the biggest role in the world (a wry smile would fit quite nicely here!) - and at the biggest venue in Singapore of the sort needed in this situation has firmly established in my head that i want to PERFORM. I could do it my whole life, and not grow bored. There's a vibe to the whole place that provides a perpetual thrill, and it's really quite addictive.


The most special thing about the evening for me would have to be having the love of my life there. Thanks so much for showing up - and curse the bitch of a friend! I love you.



Angie - The Rolling Stones

I've never meant to hurt you, ever, and I really didn't mean to today. I'm sorry, and with everything I have in me I hope that you'll forgive me. I do love you, more than you know.



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If you're wondering what that could be about, you'll never know!




So. Nice to know that some people do care about whether or not I do new posts. Always flattering to know I'm being read! I don't update this thing half as much as I'd like to, but time just doesn't permit these days.


Now. There're a coupla things (my mime students are well acquainted with THAT particular phrase of mine!) I'd like to quickly deal with:

1) Michael Jackson was cleared of all 14 charges. My faith in the justice system has been somewhat restored. Because really, he can't have been guilty! Its just not what I think would ever happen. Hell, i doubt that shit way back in '93 just as much as I doubted (correctly!) this year's debacle.


2) The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy - The Movie is, in my not very humble and indeed somewhat vaunted - by me, of course - opinion, the best and most true-to-the-spirit-created-by-the-author movie adaptation of a book I've ever seen. If you thought it wasn't fantastic, you either A) just don't get the humour of Douglas Adams - because there really was lots of it in there; B) have too little control over your own mind, and far too little genuine maturity to let go and have some occasionally mindless but often quite brainy fun; or C) you just don't really have a sense of humour, and you are a grumpy, depressed person.

I can understand A, I can excuse B, but C should just result in such people being put on an island far, far away. Where they can watch CNN all day or something similarly mind-numbing and humourless.


3) I think Gene Wolfe is one of the best authors alive and writing in the English language today, regardless of genre or style or length or any of those fiddly little semi-annoying words. Here's the thing: While you're reading it, you feel compelled - or at least one feels compelled - to pick the book up and just flip another page or so whenever one puts it down. Moreover, when I came to the end of The Book of the Short Sun, i couldn't breathe. Now THAT is a conclusion. And there's no exaggeration there (If i wasn't myself and I was reading this, I'd have my doubts about not being able to breathe at the end of a book, so trust me, its true. At least for me). The Urth of the New Sun was also amazing - like i told Dominic, I just couldn't think of any suitable metaphor to describe it. It was somewhat like a box of chocolates in its continual surprises and richness - only the chocolates would have to have been made of obsidian and opals, darkly and brilliantly reflective, and wrapped in crushed diamonds and gold, priceless and wondrous beyond words. I recommend reading The Book of the New Sun (all 5: The Shadow of the Torturer, The Claw of the Conciliator, The Sword of the Lictor, The Citadel of the Autarch, and The Urth of the New Sun), followed by The Book of the Long Sun (all four volumes!) and finally The Book of the Short Sun (all three!). If you're anything like me, you won't regret it. It will enrich your mind, and you'll come to the last page and want to start all over again.
(Incidentally, me saying he's one of the best writers alive today was by no means a first. He's been said to be THE best, and Ursula Le Guin - whose name should mean something to any serious readers - thinks he's fantastic.)


4) Coldplay's album, X & Y, takes a little getting used to, but its really pretty great once you get over the initial double-take. I highly recommend it!





His index finger traced small circles on his cheek.