its strange how it still hurts, even in the face of everything that weighs against something so minor. and yet there, completely unreasonably, it remains.


another week thus draws to a close. and what have i learned?
1) sensitivity is ok in females, but most terrible in males. and yet sensitivity - or rather its lack in men - is bemoaned most constantly.
2) friends are friends, and should be treasured, almost above all else, if they're worth keeping. and i've got a few.
3) Work can be addictive, strangely enough
4) my life isn't nearly as certain as i once thought. i find myself constantly re-evaluating my options, especially regarding my future
5) i look like Charles Heston (???)
6) i may have something of the equivalent of a mind's twin. even if i'm the only one who thinks so :)
7) its possible to be COMPLETELY (and we're talking ABSOLUTELY here, people) unwilling to have certain people around, WITHOUT harbouring any feelings of hate towards them. sometimes one just doesnt want some people around, y'noe?
8) best friends can lie to acheive some purpose of their own. and sometimes they can be complete fuckers.
9) its not the truth that matters, sometimes. its what people see that counts. impressions, rather than facts.
and
10) i have 9 other things to record on my "things i learnt this week" list. that's pretty cool :)



i find it strange, the approximate parallel of events in 8), don't you?



its good to know that money's there for the taking, if only one can be bothered to pick it up of the ground.

y'noe how sometimes you can try to be everything, but somehow in the end you realise that there are things which you personally can't do, but which only someone else can? its impossible to be EVERYTHING for anyone, that's one thing i've realised.

or maybe i just havent met the person who can be my all yet. methinks not, though.


there are things floating round in my head, scrambling to get out, like moths trapped in a lamp shade, their wings beating and burning. problem is, they just cant get out. and i can't even think of what they might be.


**i must admit, i'm confused.

and yet my mind is as clear as a bell, in other ways. strange, isn't it?


one can examine and look and search for nuances where there simply are none, sometimes.



could one such as i, perchance, be losing it? let us not be over-swift to discount the possibility

i must stop allowing my desire to be lazy to cause me to be most discourteous to a teacher I resepect, and indeed, admire. this week is the last week, i swear upon all that is holy.

(which, these days, isn't that much)


funny, isn't it. now i've suddenly had the thought that no one really understands me. now where have i heard THAT one before? :)



if i were to silently walk thru the dark halls of school at night, treading quietly on the very tips of my toes, would it make a difference that i weighed ten tonnes? nay, for silently is silently.