thank God for small things.

since 5 this morning i've been worrying abt something. and i only found out i didnt need to worry after school was over! thank God i say again. at least my ego isnt THAT big :D

-wink- to those in the know

and a "hahaha bloody ha and up yours" to those who dont :)

try this out for size all of you : Everything takes time. Time takes everything

if it doesnt quite make sense think of what i mean by "time takes everything". in the end we all bow to time. interesting.


i feel its necessary to put this in:
"Nowadays everybody's a comedian, even the weather girls and continuity announcers. We laugh at everything. Not intelligently anymore, not with sudden shock, astonishment, or revelation, just relentlessly and meaninglessly. No more rain showers in the desert, just mud and drizzle everywhere, occasionally illuminated by the flash of paparazzi."
- Douglas Adams

too goddam fucking true. im often amazed these days at the things people call funny. how can a mere mouthing of childish sounds in retaliation (due to the fact that the person cant, for the life of him/her, think of anything INTELLIGENT and BITING to say) be funny? true humour is a rapidly disappearing commodity. no, i make no claims to be the Messiah of true humour, but instead to be a recogniser of the plague of "humourous" people who are anything but. people i've seen who are supposed to have a good sense of humour are often just immature imitators and mimics of others. nothing more. gone is the sharp wit of Black Adder, the sarcasm of Monty Python, the true originality of Ben Elton and Douglas Adams in day-to-day society. instead we are left with people who i honestly think are often the least fucking funny things on the face of this forsaken earth.


and now to life.


i miss so many things. here's a rough list:
i miss Australia. I miss sunshine that is bright without being too hot to be comfortable. i miss the closeness i had. i miss the relaxed nature of maris stella. i miss sitting together in lectures and just laughing like hell at the stupidest things. i miss the man i met once in New York who was damn nice and the courtesy he represented. I miss Douglas Adams and wonder why he left Earth so young. i miss walking thru orchard and stumbling my way thru conversations. being sorta in sync so that we say the same damn things (i think we even sang the same song once!) reliably every day. i miss too many fucking things to list, to be honest.


wat the fuck is going to happen to me i wonder. i really do.

sometimes i think... maybe. y'noe just maybe. there's that song right? "coulda woulda shoulda" its not much of a song, but that line kinda expresses missed opportunities. there's so much i could have done. so much i would change. hmmmmmm... something to reflect on.


i've noticed something.


wat did u think i was going to tell u lot wat it is i've noticed? dream the fuck on!

cant remember when was the last time i was really happy. surprisingly enough the words of another now apply most aptly to me. i find myself putting up a front of happiness in school more often than not. oh well. mustnt mope around

things are fucked up well and truly, and i dont even know why


how DID things get to this point? its rather strange. it'd be quite easy to say a number of things here which would lose me probably all of my friends. but i shall not coz its just the mood talking i noe.
or is it?

see there it goes again.


The Salmon of Doubt is GOOD. i've finished.


somehow it seems leaving CJC might not be such a bad thing after all. there'd be so many opportunities out there y'noe. of course i'd miss everyone a lot.. but it wouldnt be a TOTALLY bad thing y'noe? which is heartening. not that i WANT to get expelled of course.


replies are nice when they happen. sadly they're not right now.


its funny the things that change and how often one notices them. i can remember a time not too long ago (although it grows longer ago with every passing day. soon it'll be AGES ago and it'll still seem like yesterday to me) when everything was often a cloud of bliss thru which bitches like Damo flitted thru only occasionally like red bolts of angry lightning. times when the end of school was a good time coz it meant going to town, and all the accompanying joys that came with that. times when i used to take the mrt from somerset :D now THOSE were some fun days. but it wasnt just that (altho that was a large part of it). life just seems to have lost a large part of its vigour. time was when going to school was something i looked forward to. now its usually dreary and boring.


Limp Bizkit's new logo is really pretty nice. check it out if u want.


*i wonder how things'll be a month or two from now?*

im thinking (dangerous activity i know. dont worry it wont become a habit) maybe i should give up on EVERYTHING (see? it really is scary, thinking). the promos are fucked up im telling u. the stress just builds and builds. and just when u think it can build no more, like and HDB block which seems to continuously be built higher by the government (we're currently aiming for 50 storeys right?) it builds up more. when will it end?


i return to a question i posted here a while back: how closely does what one feels for one's friends reflect how one's friends feel towards oneself? i think the answers would be most surprising. and most likely quite disturbing too. but no this has nothing to do with anyone. its a general statement thats all.


it drives me mad with pain to see it. its sort of like how when an animal gets caught in a trap it gnaws its limb off to get out y'noe? i feel like if that were an option i'd be biting bits off everywere just to make it STOP.

and there i go whining again. incessant isnt it.


to noe that one is now nothing is a rather humiliating experience. i recommend it for exactly no one.

all the little niceties are gone gone GONE!


if i could have just one small thing
we all noe what it would be
World peace of course! and love all round
and happiness and stuff for me
"ah" u say. "Happiness"
"how hard to quantify"
actually, no. its just that
its something i cant buy

no amount of money can win her
and nothing will make her mine
there's no way i'll forget her
and for her i'll ever pine

but to those who say "let go already"
please noe that i HAVE
i never even held her
How the FUCK can i let go then you bunch of gibbering idiots?


yeah there's a message in there. well hidden as usual (at least i HOPE it isnt glaringly obvious )

there's all this anger flowing thru my system. God knows why (actually He DOES know why. but thats not the point). i just want it to go AWAY.

sitting in econs lecture is pure HELL.



Everything is getting nicely out of control.